28 Comments on “Why One Does Not Ask Rhetorical Questions in the Scalzi Household”

1. Now you’ve done it. She’s sure to find out from her friends now how many pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. And who knows what sort of number they might give her?

2. Eh. It’s an indeterminate number anyway — peppers are far too variable in size for an accurate count, and there is no internationally agreed-upon “standard pickled pepper” for peck estimation.

   A peck, incidentally, is two gallons (eight quarts, or one quarter of a bushel).

3. Or, as my kids like to say, “Can you please answer that without any gratuitous education content?”

4. But you can’t pick *pickled* peppers, can you?

5. “But you can’t pick *pickled* peppers, can you?”

   I don’t know what fairy tale world you’re living in, but in mine, pickled peppers grow on every tree.

6. I’m with Athena on this one. :)

7. And you try to claim you’re not really a geek…

8. Of course the answer is already is the lesser known second stanze of the verse.

   A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck woood.
   Which covers a wider range of woodchucks in various states of talent, physical condition and energy/fatigue.

9. I like this answer about as much as yours;

   http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=639629

10. Hee! If you do not own the book referenced at the very bottom of this page, I highly reccommend it.

11. Yes, but what’s the difference between a duck?

12. Moral of the story: Never ask questions that you don’t really want to know the answer to.

13. Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

14. Zzedar: For shame. “Materietur” lacks onomatopoeia. Tsk tsk. You will simply have to find a better alternative.

15. John, you are a wonder killer.

16. I know. Too bad I didn’t get that t-shirt.

17. No Shakespeare for you, buddy.

    ‘Sides, last thing I need is you remind me that what’s in my name is my least favorite season of the year.

    (I know. Why don’t I move to Florida?)

18. Yes, but what’s the difference between a duck?

    One of his feet are both the same.

    But if it takes one and a half chickens one and a half days to lay one and a half eggs, how long would it take a monkey with wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?
    (Answer Yes or No.)

    – Captain Button

19. heh. sometime I should try to remember to sing you the jazzy song version of those verses a friend of mine wrote the music for in junior high, though it just isn’t the same without the four part harmony and a campfire to sing it around…

20. When my brother does stuff like that to my nephews, he simply states “Buzz-kill. It’s my JOB as a Dad.”

    I agree Sue, John should have got the t-shirt while he had the chance.

21. Well done Scalzi. That’s the kind of answer I would give, that is, if I knew the answer. I’m not well educated in woodchucks.

22. Known technically of course, as Woodchuckology.

23. I prefer the term “Whistle Pigtography,” myself.

24. I use, “I’m your mother. I’m *supposed* to take all the fun out of life,” probably more than I should.

    (Second favorite: “It’ll give you something to talk to your therapist about when you move out.”)

25. Okay, I’ll bite. So where’s this article you wrote about woodchucks and assorted miscellaney?

26. Here.

27. Cainj, are your nephews buzzed to begin with? That might be what you’ve got to worry about over there.

28. A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck, if his dentures were any good… Or something like that