How to Get Your Ass Kicked
Four sets of three songs on Dance Dance Revolution Extreme, standard setting, all at once. That should do it if you are a 36 year old somewhat infrequent exerciser, as I am. It’s a little under half an hour of seriously aerobic exercise, and it pretty much knocks me on my ass when I’m done.
Yes, this constitutes my exercise regimen; I’ve been doing it for a couple of weeks. The DDR people even make it easy for you: They have a special workout counter built into the game — if you enter your weight and a couple other criteria, the game will calculate for you how many calories you burn per session (for me, usually somewhere between 60 and 70 per three song set, in case you’re wondering). What this makes you realize is that after sweating like pig for 25 minutes, hopping up and down in a comical approximation of choreography, you’ve only burned off the equivalent of a Snickers Bar. Swell. That’s a motivator, all right: No more Snickers Bars for me.
I am beginning to see the benefit, however: The first time I did it, when I was done I thought I was gonna die. Now after I’m done I know I’m gonna live, I just won’t enjoy the half hour or so after I finish. Also, my foot-eye coordination is improving, which is critical if I am to regain the competitive advantage over my daughter in Dance Dance Revolution, because recently she’s been wiping the floor with me in the game and talking trash to me about it, and if you want humiliation, you can’t do much better than a six year old girl kicking you to the curb in DDR and then, after she’s beaten you, turning to you and saying “Yeah, who’s the daddy now?”
Yes, she really does say that. Yes, it’s awfully cute. Even so. Time for a comeback, I say.