Cake Vs. Pie: The Final Conflict
Posted on August 12, 2005 Posted by John Scalzi 71 Comments
One of the reasons I enjoy doing the By the Way journal over at AOL Journals is that it allows me to do fundamentally silly audience participation thingies, like this week’s Weekend Assignment, in which I ask people to choose between cake or pie and then defend that choice. It’s not like I couldn’t do that here, mind you, but it seems more suited to what I do in general over at AOL Journals.
Having said that, for all you folks who don’t have AOL or AIM accounts to respond in the By the Way comment thread: Cake or Pie — which do you choose and why? I am, in fact, totally interested to know.
Pie, completely and unreservedly.
Eating cake is like eating a flavored sponge with a sickly too-sweet layer of slime on top of it, although I’m willing to negotiate if you feel that torte is cake…
The universe of pie, on the other hand, is well-nigh infinite.
Crust? Flaky, bready, graham, oreo, sweet, savory, fatty and fried, light and airy… they’re all yummy.
Filling? Anything!
Heck, we aren’t even limited to sweet things. Savory meat and/or veggie pies are satisfying in a hearty and fundamental manner.
Name a tasty edible and you can make a pie out of it.
Pi.
For one, Pi can be represented beautifully as the ratio between a circle’s diameter and its radius. Pie more often has tasty berries, and it is more pleasing to have fresh pie than to have fresh cake.
Anyway, what is better? Saying “My mom bakes the best darn apple pie in the world”, or “My mom bakes the best darn apple cake in the world.” There’s really no question.
Pie. While I do enjoy carrot cake I submit that cheesecake (a misnomer, as it is actually a pie from the custard family) is the more important and ultimately superior sector-shaped dessert.
First, delivery. Cakes crumble and often disintegrate at the slightest provocation not having the fortitude to withstand handling. Cheesecakes, on the other hand, were first conceived during the Middle Ages as a formidable (and tasty) siege weapon. To this day this formidable custard retains the same cohesion that allowed this ancient custard to be flung from catapults at defenders upon the walls.
Second, topping. While the cheesecake is clearly tasty enough to enjoy unadorned (unlike the cake which must be frosted), a myriad of flavors and toppings have emerged to enhance our pie eating experience. Furthermore, while the cake frosting has devolved into a hideously colored mishmash of food coloring, powdered sugar and vegetable shortening, the cheesecake topping has remained true and pure—caramel, chocolate and fruits sauces.
Finally, two words: graham crackers. Really, need I say more?
Who ever heard of Orc and Cake, I ask you?
Cake is wonderful. It is light and sweet. It melts on your tongue.
As soon as you serve it, everyone knows you have something to celebrate.
Me, I like cake when it comes in a cup shape. See?
http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/102366.jpg
But it’s still not as good as pie.
The tender, flaky pie crust is delicious, and a real test of a
baker’s skill. The sweetness of a fruit pie is more complex
and satisfying than the sugar sweetness of a cake. And who
ever heard of a chicken pot cake?
Besides, frotsting sucks.
Cake has some marvelous variety.
White-cake with strawberry.
All of the ludicrously heavy chocolate cakes.
unfrosted angel-food cake.
your day-in-day-out frosted to death because the cake itself is mediocre cake
The cupcake as previously mentioned is also a brilliant riff on the venerable and beloved muffin, while still being uniquely cake-like.
However, that’s all devil’s advocacy. Because when the dice are down, and the oven is heating, it comes down to pie.
Who ever heard of the Anglican Church offering pie to their victims? I mean… you may have thought they were being nice by offering them cake, but they weren’t daft. I mean… you don’t torture people by offering them pie, now do you?
Bah to pie. It’s too much of a jack-of-all-trades. Cake however… if it wasn’t for the existence of ice cream, cake would be *the* default dessert category. So cake for me.
Damn. Now I want to hunt down that mythical ice cream cake substance.
Snowcrash:
Apple-pie a-la-mode ever?
Of course, mud-pie is one of those things that whenever I see it on a dessert menu, I have to think at least 2 times…
As much as I love a good cake, nothing can compare to a piece of warm caramel apple pie with vanilla ice cream. The flakiness of the crust, the sweet/tart flavor of the apples, the warmth of the caramel and the cool of the ice cream all come together in a way that cake can never replicate. Plus, cake + fruit = ew while pie + fruit = super yummy.
I also like a much larger variety of pies. Pecan pie, strawberry rhubarb, apple, lemon meringue, key lime, French silk, sweet potato, the list goes on and on. With cake, it’s all about the yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Anything other than that and I’ll pass.
What really puts pie over the top though, is what Byron said. Cheescake is not a cake, it’s actually a pie. Done and done.
As much as I love a good cake, nothing can compare to a piece of warm caramel apple pie with vanilla ice cream. The flakiness of the crust, the sweet/tart flavor of the apples, the warmth of the caramel and the cool of the ice cream all come together in a way that cake can never replicate. Plus, cake + fruit = ew while pie + fruit = super yummy.
I also like a much larger variety of pies. Pecan pie, strawberry rhubarb, apple, lemon meringue, key lime, French silk, sweet potato, the list goes on and on. With cake, it’s all about the yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Anything other than that and I’ll pass.
What really puts pie over the top though, is what Byron said. Cheescake is not a cake, it’s actually a pie. Done and done.
Agh! Cursed “server not found error”! Damn you and your double posting! Methinks the CGI server is secretely a cake fan.
What is the milestone in s life that requires the biggest celebration?
Why, a wedding of course.
Have you ever heard of wedding pie?
You can claim you like pie best, but when it comes time to invite all your friends, relatives, and neighbors over to watch your daughter/son get married, what are you going to order to impress them with? A multi-layered pie?
And let me tell the person who belittled the idea of apple cake…..apple crumb cake is delicious. You should try it sometime.
Pie of course
and fascinating
side-note
I AM THE GREATEST MAKER OF PIES
IN THE UNIVERSE
the pie of your life
whatever the crust or filling you
most desire
I just now have
recently picked
elderberries on the counter
waiting to become
elderberry pie
I am writing a pie abecedariyummm
a pie for every letter
(more difficult to effect
than it looks at frst blush)
Marie Antoinette would have been spared
if she had only said
“Let them eat PIE.”
Cake is all well and good, but if it’s an either/or situation, pie hands down.
My reasons:
1.) Cheesecake, which is really pie.
2.) Crust. You don’t see too many crusts on cakes, though if that’s a challenge to someone out there, knock yourself out. We’ll do a side-by-side when you’re ready.
3.) It’s baseball, mom, and apple PIE, not soccer, dad, and carrot CAKE. (Sorry, dad. Wait a minute! I’ve been an orphan for about a year now. What am I apologizing for?)
4.) Pizza is a pie
5.) Pi made the premise of a really cool indie film.
6.) As a matter of fact, you CAN have your pie and eat it, too.
7.) Most importantly, NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!
I like cake, but it’s so easy for them to be mediocre. Great cake is hard to find. Great pie is much easier to find.
My mother and I used to go get apples from an orchard in the fall, then we’d go home and she’d make apple pie, even making the crust from scratch. We’d have it fresh from the oven with milk. It was the most amazing thing. She’d take leftover crust and put it on a cookie sheet, sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on it and toss it in the oven for a few. I liked that almost as much.
I think a big reason people think cake is better is because it is associated with special events, like weddings and birthdays. It’s just too easy too easy to have an average cake.
Cake, for a purely practical reason: I can have a great cake in the oven and baking in about 30 minutes or so, but pie crust has to rest for 30 minutes before you can roll it out, and that doesn’t include the time it takes to prep the filling. (Storebought crust and canned filling? Not allowed in my house.)
And for me, the cake itself has to be good, since I don’t like frosting (too sweet). There’s little I like better than warm chocolate cake, with a small side of ice cream. Now I know what I’m making when I get home tonight.
I much prefer Cake. I particularly enjoy their songs “The Distance” and “Commissioning a Symphony in C”. As soon as Pie starts writing decent songs, then I might come around.
While my Grammy makes peach pie that even Yahweh will debase himself for — I’m going to have to be the freak in the group and say that ice cream quashes the competition. There’s nothing more comforting and joy-inspiring than an ice cream cone on a warm summer night.
Fundamentally, cake is just a pile of carbohydrates and fat, most of them simple. So in general cake is a bad thing. Pie, on the other hand, is full of yummy fruit and stuff. So clearly it’s superior.
Of course, then you have tortes, where you take a cake, basically a bad thing, and pile it with fruit, basically a good thing, to produce something which is greater than the sum of its parts. And of course you have cream pies, an offense against nature, which are basically just a pile of fat with some flavoring added.
So you can see that there really is no black-and-white answer to this question. Ultimately, the only possible response has to be deeply nuanced.
:’)
Anyway, why do we have to pick? What’s wrong with having a cup of coffee and a slice of coffee cake one day, and a slice of yummy pumpkin pie the next?
Gateau et da bomb
Be it cheesecake, black forrest,
Or birthday! Eff pie.
Haiku theater.
Pie.
In an episode of ‘I Am Weasel’, Michael Dorn (the title character and also Worf from Star Trek) says, ‘Pie!’ in the most heavenly, wonderful way possible. Really, a very magical moment for voice and pie as a whole.
So, pie.
Pie.
In the spring of 2004 I was diagnosed with diabetes. Since that time I have lost 75 pounds. I look great and feel better than I have in years. I always tell myself and others: “I would give it all up for a piece of pie”.
Cheers
Andrew
Anyway, what is better? Saying “My mom bakes the best darn apple pie in the world”, or “My mom bakes the best darn apple cake in the world.” There’s really no question.
My mom baked (the best darn) apple cake for my birthday each year. I say cake!
Cake is also easier to cut and eat. Pie has an unnerving tendency of taking on Blob-like characteristics and glooping all over everything.
(Really, brownies are the best of all. And a brownie is just a smaller, denser version of cake. Cake wins.)
Have you ever heard of wedding pie?
Well, if you accept the argument that cheesecake is really pie, then I have not merely heard of it, but done it. For my wedding, I asked my brother to cook a half-dozen cheesecakes to be the wedding cake. (No, we didn’t stack them.) That was five years ago, and people still remember it, and I think the comments are positive!
Have you ever heard of wedding pie?
Had one. Cheesecake that was even Pareve (made without milk products for those who don’t get the Kosher implications of cheesecake with a chicken dinner). Only problem, the traditional one year anniversary of tasting the frozen cheesecake did not turn out that good. For delicious Kosher Pareve Cheesecake, Sheila’s in San Diego. And no, she would not tell us what she used instead of cheese.
Jeff: I dunno, Pareve Cheecake is made of PEOPLE! Just doesn’t roll off the tongue.
Jeff:
“made without milk products for those who don’t get the Kosher implications of cheesecake with a chicken dinner”
But birds lay eggs! Leviticanically speaking it’s impossible to seethe the meat of the child in the milk of the mother! It’s all so confusing.
Pie. My college roommates and I had this inside joke (drinking may have been involved in its conception). It involved holding your hands palms up, wiggling your fingers, and saying wistfully with your with eyes closed. “piiieeeee.” Then you were to open your eyes and glance down in dismay to see a pie had not dropped down from the sky into your hands. No, it doesn’t seem very funny, but that is what makes it an inside joke. And we never ever said that with
“caaaaaaaake.”
Pie. Because a meat cake would be just gross. Chicken pot cake? Steak and kidney cake?
Cheescake is not a cake, it’s actually a pie.
It’s actually a custard. You can argue that it’s a custard *pie*, I suppose, but still.
“(Really, brownies are the best of all. And a brownie is just a smaller, denser version of cake. Cake wins.)”
Not in this house, brownies are an extra rich/thick cookie.The bastard child of fudge shortbread and desert squares. Pastry takes work and talent so well done pie always win out because cake is near idiot proof thanks to box mix.
The fudgy vs. cakey brownie debate is an entirely separate one.
This has to be the best discussion thread I’ve read this week (probably because it’s the least political – watch, now the neocons will try to declare pie-eaters unamerican).
Anyway, there are so many good arguements for PIE…
You can fill them with…
Fruit
Pudding
Meringue
Custard
Pecans
Meat & Veggies
Meat Without Veggies
Cream cheese (the misnamed cheesecake)
Omeletes (a.k.a. quiches)
Pepperoni! (if you don’t think pizza is a pie, you’ve never had Chicago Deep Dish)
D’ya notice how many other cool foods are based on pies?
and so many other aspects…
the Pie-in-the-Face is still Comedy Gold
Mathematical Pi (and the geek pun ‘Pi are squared? No, pi are round!’)
the “I Am Weasel” connection, noted by Ohako above (and I thought I was the only one who liked that toon)
Hostess’ FruitPie the Magician is cooler than Twinkie the Kid
Mom & Apple Pie
The case AGAINST cake…
Marie Antoinette
“you can’t have it and eat it too” (then why the hell do you have it?)
Wedding Cakes (the bride and groom attack each other with it; it’s the centerpiece of the worst wedding accident videos; you never get to eat the top layer; to get another one, you have to get divorced)
Angel Food vs. Devils Food (why does everything have to be Good vs. Evil?)
And Alton Brown’s PIE show was so much funnier than his CAKE show (boxing puppets – you gotta love ’em)
And little pies are called tarts or empanadas… little cakes are called cups.
No contest. Now, who wants pie? (a catchphrase of Dennis Miiller – okay that’s one point AGAINST pie)
Who would like pie its just bread and fruit….eww…..but cake is a chocolate goodness that melts in your mouth
K you ppl are all screwed! CAKE IS SO MUCH BETTER THEN PIE!! can u becorate a pie, no! cake is so much better!
Candles in a cake mean it’s somebody’s birthday; Candles in a pie? Somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. Pie is all crummy and make u mouth dry and fell gross from the crust! dawm u ppl and ur pie likeing, pie sould just die! CAKE WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!
Go with pie, topped with vanilla ice cream….
So..I googled “Wedding Pie” and came across your site, along with many American Pie: American Wedding hits. I prefer pie along with many of the people that have posted on this site, but wedding pie is still a fairly foreign concept. Any ideas on how I can pull this off delicously and (somewhat) prettily? Thanks for such an awesome site.
I am having a Vermont barn wedding, with wedding pies. Mostly apple, but I’m open to some other fruit choices. I envision them being displayed on stands of varied heights, or perhaps lined up on an antique sled on a layer of burlap. Served with spiced apple cider, I think it will be a hit!
I like pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HI,
I HAVE HAVE BEEN DOING EXTENSIVE RESEARCH ON WEDDING CAKES FOR QUITE AWHILE NOW; AND HAVE JUST NOW HEARD OF HAVING PIE INSTEAD OF WEDDING CAKE. PIES CAN BE GREAT FOR A PICNIC, SUNDAY DINNER ETC. HOWEVER, THEIR SUCCESS CAN BE VERY LIMITED. NOT EVERYONE CAN MAKE A GOOD, FLAKY PIE CRUST. THE VAST POSSIBLITIES ARE ENDLESS FOR A WONDERFUL TASTING WEDDING CAKE AND THE BEAUTY OF A WELL DECORATED CAKE; IS SOMETHING GIRLS – WOMAN DREAM OF. I NEVER HEARD ANY SAY; WHEN DREAMING ABOUT THAT SPEACIAL DAY, I WANT MY WEDDING “PIE” TO BE! ALSO THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE EXPENSIVE. MY GRAND DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND WERE MARRIED IN KOREA WHILE THEY BOTH WERE IN THE ARMY. THEY AND THEIR FRIENDS MADE EVERYTHING, SHE SENT HOME FOR SPECIAL CAKE AND COOKIE RECIPES, NO ONE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT WANTING PIE, THIS IS A “WEDDING” AND ONE WOULD HOPE THAT IT IS THE ONLY ONE THEY WILL HAVE.
JUST MY “NOT SO HUMBLE” THOUGHTS.
HAVE A BLESSED ONE.
ELSIE
I would like to thank all the Cake supporters out there..I am currently in the midst of a Cake vs Pie war.
while I am not activly against pie I do belive strongly cake is better. flavors and textures and fixings..not to mention birthdays or weddings.
I hope non of you mind if I use your argument *with proper quotes* in my ongoing debate.
When’s the last time you saw a hot stripper pop out of a giant pie?
both are some of the very greats but i have to say that pie would win the eternal battle of sweetness. do you see cake being used to do math and improve our way of life HELL NO!!!!!pie wins the battle and thats that.
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Cake is the best becuase it makes you think of birthdays and weddings and other events like that What the hell does pie make you think of the only thing pie is good for is throughing at people.
cake my be good on birthdays and weddings but dose it have its own day just for pies 3.14 and whats thanksgiving without pie. chicken pot pie u ever herd of a chiken pot cake and lastly pink pie
Jesus says pie. and that’s that.
K you ppl are all screwed! CAKE IS SO MUCH BETTER THEN PIE!! can u becorate a pie, no! cake is so much better!
Candles in a cake mean it’s somebody’s birthday; Candles in a pie? Somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. Pie is all crummy and make u mouth dry and fell gross from the crust! dawm u ppl and ur pie likeing, pie sould just die! CAKE WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!
to answer your first question – yes, you CAN decorate a pie. you can decorate it in a pretty flippin’ awesome way, too. candles in a pie are fine – if there was a drunk, blundering idiot in my kitchen, he/she would probably have burned it down.
and.
pie is sweet, wet, salty and dry. all at once! pshyea!
and.
you should learn how to spell correctly. it may come in handy. there are songs made about pie. like this one,in the movie ‘Michael” –
Pie, pie, me oh my,
Nothing tastes sweet wet salty and dry
All at once so well as pie
Apple
Pumpkin
Mince and black bottom
I’ll come to your place everyday
if you’ve got ’em
Pie, me oh my, I love pie.
I believe that says it all.
and…just in case…*shoves a pie down your throat to cleanse you of cake’s evil temptations and sins* Come join us, the Pieists.
Pie: For all the reasons listed above, and for Cartman’s Reason, below:
Cartman From South Park: “Ahhh, if I had a woman like that, I’d tell her ‘git her _itch as_ back in the kitchen and make me some pie’.”
Add a B & S where necessary above.
It’s CERTAINLY PIE
IT ISNT ALWAYS THE TAST BUT WHAT THE PIE STANDS FOR.
pie symbolizes the tradition of family and happy memories. the only times you ever see a cake is a birthday and thats because no other holiday wants cake!
Cake kicks ass.
you can go jump offa bridge… nobody likes cake its just the physics of life :p
i cant stand the people who rather cake over pie. once again i still dont c a holliday that would rather cake cept birthdays but those arent even real holidays
cake sucks. you can put stuff inside it.
You can put anything in a cake.
you can even have pie for dinner!
chicken pot pie, shepherds pie. mmmmmmmmm
Im in school right now he he he and id rather be talkin bout why PIE IS BETTER THAN CAKE then looking for a career when im 14 y.o.
have you cake lovers ever seen or heard of the movie(s) AMERICAN PIE!!????? you dont c anything like AMERICAN cake.. pie is so sweet it gets its name in a movie with AMERICA in it!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PIE FOR THE WIN!!!!
Pie kicks cakes ***. Cake is evil, its even talked about in lazy town >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-azqXygCzO8
i have to agree with you umoix…
Pie rules (especialy lemon pie) over cake
…I’ve never had a pie before (I’m 16), so I don’t really know what to say but…ice cream cake rules.
Pie is the best it even has a number (3.14) pie rulls, Greg should get out from under his rock and try some.
pie has – 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 What does cake have?
Robert, I don’t live under a rock..I live under a futon bed (I could anyways). It’s just the only time I’ve tried pumpkin pie, it tasted too funny for me..I guess it wasn’t made right or something.
the only thing is that pumpkin pie is the most healthy pie i think…. lol that might be why (i dont like it either)
true, but pie has so many uses. It can be healthy or unhealthy.. Cake just has unhealthy really..
PIE > CAKE lalalalalalaalalala not lissing to U lalalalalalala…PIE IS THE BEST LALALALALALALA!!!
ya thats true but even though i like pie more than cake i still like cake also:p im hlaf and half*
PIEEEE
it is good pie!!!
would you like one?
CHEESEPIE!
I once was hanging out with both Cake & Pie and Cake kept trying to blow me. It was getting pretty uncomfortable until Pie stood up and said, “Cake, why are you so fucking gay?”
I once was hanging out with both Cake & Pie and Cake kept trying to blow me. It was getting pretty uncomfortable until Pie stood up and said, “Cake, why are you so fucking gay?”
Cake is better than pie hands down
there is nothing you can say that convinces me otherwise
pie can be eaten for dinner
wow
cake can be eaten for weddings, birthdays, random parties, christmas
would anyone here really prefer dinner to christmas
i don’t think so
goodbye
i just leave munching and eating cheesecakes, they are tasty and yummy`.: