Things You Can’t Tell About a Guy By Looking At Him

I see this picture a lot online. Not here on this site, but on other sites, where people have snatched it from here and not bothered to change the picture URL, so it shows up in my log files. The picture usually accompanies some snatch of text that chuckles to itself about how some red-state shitkicker who thinks a dinner at the Golden Corral and a Larry the Cable Guy concert is a sophistimacated evening has done managed to puzzle out teh intarweeb and put himself a picture online. Git ‘R Done, duuuude! Yer a country superstar! Followed by a Dubya joke or something about sex with cousins and/or an indignant barnyard vertebrate.

Needless to say, I find these all deeply amusing. Not that I do anything about it; it’s enough to know that their presumed symbol for the ignit white trash middle American is a largely liberal upper-middle-class author with a philosophy degree (who in this picture, incidentally, is wearing the t-shirt of his private boarding high school, the one with its own paleontological museum, scanning tunneling electron microscope and bronze foundry, which currently costs more to go to than most Americans make in a year). It’s my own little private joke, which, of course, I’m now sharing with you. The assumptions of others are indeed a source of neverending amusement.

21 Comments on “Things You Can’t Tell About a Guy By Looking At Him”

  1. Quick question:
    Did you carefully pose, with compressed waddle-chin, dorkily uptilted brim, and ear-splaying hatband action to look as un-suave as possible?

  2. Hahahaha, good stuff. Even without context I think it’s kind of obvious the pose and expression are comically exaggerated.

    Hmmm, then again…..

  3. You do know that the standard response to bandwidth theft of this kind is to redirect any requesting site bar your own to Goatse or Tub Girl?

  4. *sigh* Yeah. With me it’s more the doubletake people do when I tell them I’m a dairy farmer (look at my userpic and you’ll see why; I don’t exactly have the physique.) At cons it’s more like a triple-take. “You’re a farmer? And you read/write science fiction?”

    Yup. I went to a classy liberal arts school, lived in New Zealand, Britain, and Canada, have a degree in English Literature, read and write science fiction, and now I live in Bumfuck, Dixieland and farm for a living. Deal.

  5. The transformation is remarkable: from John Scalzi, Writer Guy, to President of the International Brotherhood of Cletii*, Local 1013.

    * or is it ‘Cleti’? I’m never sure.

  6. The plural of Cletus should be Cleti – Cletii would be plural for Cletius (which just doesn’t make any sense at all).

    During pep rallies at my high school in Georgia they would separate us into classes – freshmen, sophomore, etc. Except we had a fifth section reserved for rednecks. It was the largest section, and they all bore a striking resemblance to your picture (facial hair and all).

    Now, to be fair, not every country boy is a redneck. Some are just ‘good ole boys’. To be a true redneck requires a much lower mentality and a compulsion for inbreeding.

  7. Actually, that picture resembles a great deal one of the gentlemen who pulled over on the interstate and changed a flat tire for me pit-crew-style last new year’s day. Mind you, I can change my own tires, but they had a 2 ton floor jack and were much, much faster at it than I was.

    So this having been said, I’d hesitate to assume the worst ;-)

  8. Well, I haven’t been keeping a list. I just look at them when I see them. And my log file for yesterday is already gone, alas. The next time it pops up in the log file, I’ll grab a link.

  9. (who in this picture, incidentally, is wearing the t-shirt of his private boarding high school, the one with its own paleontological museum, scanning tunneling electron microscope and bronze foundry, which currently costs more to go to than most Americans make in a year)

    Guessing: Cranbrook?

  10. I originally read scanning tunneling electron microscope as scanning transmission electron microscope and was wondering to myself, why would a high school blow $2-3 million on a STEM? I mean, an STM is still plenty expensive, but nowhere near as bad.

  11. A Certain Class of Redneck really loves their lawns. Really Really loves. That is assuming you can grant the possibility of virtue (particularly an aesthetic one) in Rednecks.

    See Also: Hank Hill of King of the Hill.

  12. Isn’t a bit ironic in that you laugh at others’ elitist stereotypes of “rednecks” while self-consciously establishing your own somewhat stereotypical “uppity” credentials?

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