Letters From Neighborhood Bigots
So, a week ago, I wrote up a review of the Will and Grace season finale for my Dayton Daily News DVD column. Today I got a letter from a local bigot on the matter. I’d like to share a little bit of the letter with you and my thoughts thereof. Because of the language, I have it sequestered away behind the cut. Follow the link below. Please note that as much as possible I tried to preserve the original typography of the letter in the excerpt.
Your little faggot pecker must be all a-twitter! Season finale of “Cocksucker and Grace” on DVD….. “Queer as Folk” 5th season out on video, Plus all the fuckin’ ‘gay’ SHIT goin’ on at Club Masque in Dayton this ‘cumming’ weekend. Time-Warner cable is advertising that “Cocksuck Mountain” is available on channel 1000, pay-per-view. That should interest you, since you’ve no doubt worn out the copy you bought alread ( those “eye candy” faggot coeboys, ya know! )
Jesus, man! How are you gonna handle so much fuckin’ queer excitement ?! How many loads of cum can you swallow in one weekend ? How big a cock can you take up your sorry gay ass?
And so on and so on for another six paragraphs, which more or less conclude with the fellow saying he didn’t spend 14 months in a North Vietnamese POW camp so that cocksuckers get can get married, and asking me if I’ve ever done any military service. My immediate response to the latter would be that, no, I wasn’t in the military, although I know a number of cocksuckers who were; my answer to the former is that while I’m sorry he spent 14 months in POW camp, I’m not entirely sure how it gives his feculent bigotry any sort of moral authority.
This same fellow sent me a similar letter when I wrote up my review of Brokeback Mountain and it was pretty much the same letter, with slightly different sentences. As hate mail goes, it’s about standard: limited volcabulary, limited ideas, and rhetorically confused, because, after all, if I am the sort of wild cocksucker he wants to suggest I am, why on Earth should I be insulted when he suggests this? I will say that would happily smoke a mile of prime man pipe rather than be what he is, but that’s neither here nor there. This sort of hate mail is boring, which is my real problem. Boo hoo, I’ve been called a faggot cocksucker. Bitch, please. You need to do better if you’re going to impress me.
Anyway, here’s the thing about hateful, homophobic, and deeply closeted letters like this: Their existence amuses me. The fact that this fellow gets two full pages of bile and invective out of a single-paragraph review of the Will and Grace series finale fills me with cackling glee. I like that I make bigots fume and squirm, and I look forward to doing it for years to come. They deserve no less.
Also, of course, I hope this fellow gets the high hard anal piledrive he clearly and desperately yearns for, although I’m certainly not going to volunteer to administer it. I have my limits.