The Missus

Krissy offered up the topic for the Weekend Assignment over at By The Way (that’s a topic I offer up to give AOL Journalers something to post over the weekend), so I wanted to put up a picture of her to go with it. The problem is that most of the pictures I have of her are taken in my office, which is usually in various states of explosion, and that needs to be addressed; I don’t necessarily want people to see what an unholy mess my office closet is if I can avoid it. So, it was Photoshop, Photoshop, Photoshop, until the unbridled feculence that is my office was reduced to a monochromatic blur, and then a little more fiddling to make sure Krissy didn’t look just like a cutout photo in front of a smear.

Then when it was done, I sat back to admire my Photoshoppery, and it occured to me to actually take a look at who was actually, you know, in the center of the picture. At which point I said to myself, “holy crap, my wife is hot.” It says something about how much of a geek I am that I could get totally engrossed in the minutae of photo fiddling that I’d miss that salient point. I’m making up for it now, though.

I sent the picture to Krissy at work after I was done. Her comment: “Book deadline?” Damn you all, you’ve infected her with your snark. I’ll get you. I’ll get you all.

22 Comments on “The Missus”

  1. Hee hee hee.

    I won’t laugh if I’m ever on deadline and my wife catches me playing monekytetris or some such bunk.

  2. DUDE! Your wife IS hot! (is it permissable to say that about some guy’s wife when he posts her pic on the internet? Hmmm… I’m curious about the ethics here)

    Anyhow… Ain’t Photoshop grand? Next time, try lifting her off the original background and put her over a background you’re happier with (say, something cleaner). If done right, you can’t even tell the difference. If you need pointers, let me know. I’ve been doing this stuff for a living for more than 15 years now. :)

    Oh, and, it’s to your wife’s credit that she stays on track with what’s important. Don’cha love watching those deadlines fly by like pesky gnats?

  3. Michael Patty:

    “Next time, try lifting her off the original background and put her over a background you’re happier with”

    Yeah, I do that from time to time — not enough time for it this time around, however.

    Also, as a matter of etiquette, I think it’s permissible to say “dude, your wife is hot,” when the guy himself has noted that fact. However, it would be bad etiquette to then, say, ask him how the marriage is doing, in the hopes of being the rebound guy.

    My marriage is fine, incidentally.

  4. Does your wife have a sister with tremendously low standards and expectations? If so, give her my number.


  5. Dan:

    “Does your wife have a sister with tremendously low standards and expectations? If so, give her my number.”

    What are the odds of TWO of those in the same family?

    DOH! I’m so bad.

    Seriously, though, John. No worries here. She’s hot, but so is my wife. And I’m far to happily married myself to want to be the rebound guy. :p

  6. Incidentally, that last post was me. Damn, John. you need a log-in system. It’s too easy to forget to type in your info. -Michael

  7. Yes John,

    she is quite a nice looking lady and god bless her for putting up with you and trying to keep you on track and ahead of deadline………I really really hate it when the books I pre order are 2 or 3 months late!!!!!!!

  8. “I’ll get you. I’ll get you all.”

    Careful. That’s usually what the supervillian says mere moments before his Evil Death Ray of Doom explodes, killing him in a spetacular yet ironically appropriate fashion.

  9. Ah, the wonders of photoshop. I’m an Illustrator whore myself, but even then, I almost always end up photoshoping the finishing touches. Lovely, lovely way to waste time.

    And we pester because we love. Or because we think it’s funny. But that’s kind of like love.

  10. That’s usually what the supervillian says mere moments before his Evil Death Ray of Doom explodes, killing him in a spetacular yet ironically appropriate fashion.

    Hmmm…I think in this case it would be a soda, knocked over in John’s rush to get today’s word count in, spilling over into his computer system which then electrocutes him as it simultaneously webcams his dying image, complete with Photoshop-like electo-aural distortion, and auotposts it to the blog.


  11. I’m honest, sorry.

    This picture you posted, SUCKED!!!

    The sidebar picture is MUCH better. Your angle on the picture you posted sucked, your angle elongated her nose, and made her checks almost baloonish. The sidebar pictures are MUCH better.

    HOWEVER! Clearly, all the impressions of Flesh, is validated with that picture, your wife has FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC skin, but your angle of the picture, in this post, makes her WAY elongaged.

    Clearly she has a smaller nose, though it might be a touch bit nobby, and she has FANTASTIC eyes, and FANTASTIC cheeks, but your angle is REALLY taking a lot of that away from her. Also, her chin? I like her chin, a good strong chin, and I think that that might be your focus.

    A beautiful woman, she is, I’m not saying she isn’t, I just saying you were a SHITTY photographer in this particular case. Look at your sidebar, and look at this picture.

    Both are beautiful, but the sidebar, somehow, found your wifes beauty, while YOU! missed out on it.

  12. I left out the ears and the hair, but I think Everyone knows that she has AMAZING ears and hair.

    Also, her cheeks are STUNNING! only used them as a comparrisson of the rest of her face, Shit, that chin, and that soft smile? makes me a fool.

    John? I’ve been around the world, I’ve been with more women than you know names, almost, your wife is beutiful, but really? does that matter?

    You have a child.

    A wonderful child who clearly thinks.

    I envy you, for your wifes beauty, and your daughters wonder, and your own talent.

    NEVERMIND our consideration. You are all 3 of the things that most people never achieve.

    You are the fortunate/talented/BRILLIANT person we all wish we were.

  13. Sylvia, he’s probably looking at a cached version of the previous sidebar.

  14. I keep waiting for John to eviscerate Wickedpinto… but nothing. *sigh* So disappointed.

  15. Um…Hrm.. I wonder if she would agree. Women are notoriously touchy about that sort of thing. :)

  16. I can pretty much guarantee Krissy couldn’t possibly care what some random anonymous person on the Web has to say about anything. No offense to Wickedpinto or anyone else.

  17. Like you said John, I wasn’t criticising your wife, she is clearly a lovely woman, but the lighting ofsett some of her best features, while accentuating others.

    I know that everyone is expecting me to get gutted for mentioning how your angle dicked up the aesthetics of her nose, but truth be told, I gots a honker that makes that picture look like a profile michael jackson.

    you hit it on the head, you have a beautiful wife, and I was bashing your chosen picture, not your wife. Trust me, I would slaughter villages for the opportunity to be with a woman who loves me and I love as much as you love her, and she loves you.

  18. One more thing, though they are a minor player in the picture.


    I bet she is a dream in an open backed dress.

  19. I tend to stumble, and everytime I come across this (I need to delete it from my links, I included it in there, cuz I feel so guilty about being such a jackass) post I know I’m gonna shove my show into my mouth.

    BTW, NEVER worry about offense to ME! boss, you have a biography worthy of a man. I was a marine 8 years ago, thats about it for me, ain’t done jack except for make a couple of interesting comments on blogs since.

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