Posted on September 23, 2006
Posted by John Scalzi
This is it. I’m gone until Monday. Try not to eat all the jellybeans while I’m out.
Jellybeans? I deserve those too…
I like black jellybeans. Used to think thye were rabbit poo. But then I developed a licorice problem and well, you know how that goes.
I won’t eat all the Jellies, I’ll leave the bitter black licorice ones for you. (cuz they’re my favorite and thats how much I like you. Really. I’m not weird)
Did anyone else hear that?
I think there’s someone else in my brain!!!!
Oops, never mind. just the TV.
Bertie Botts? Love the grass flavored ones.
There were jellybeans? Who ate them? Bastards didn’t share!
It was clear to me that when he left I was supposed to hog them all. They are in a secret location four inches from my navel. If you can find them- I will share.
Eeew. Spleen. You can keep that.
No, 4 inches BELOW the navel.
I’m guessing you are off to find someone to recommend your books. Earlier this week, Chavez recommended Noam Chomsky’s book at his speech in the U.N. Not to be outdone, Bush recommended Musharaf’s forthcoming book which was conveniently used to evade answering questions from reporters. How can you top that? Maybe, you ought to get another crazy guy like Kim Il-Jong to recommend your book(s)?
There’s a photoshop project if I ever I heard one. Put your book inplace of Noam Chomsky’s. Hugo Chavez sputtering about the evils of America based on the timeline of Old Man’s War…that’ll sell a few more copies…
Bush suggested a book…he he he…too rich.
The last book he read had talking animals in it…and by “read” I mean “drew mustaches on the illustrations with a green crayon”.
/ \___/ \
Jelly Bean. (Maybe)
I think we need more beans for the jelly. Would this increase book sales?????
who knows be sides the Shadow….
have a good weekend John..
the rabbit strikes again
I have taken all the yellow jellybeans. Green ones used to be cool because they were lime or lemon/lime, but the candy world conspired with me a couple of years ago so now almost all green jellybeans are bitter apple.
Bitter apple? Who decided that this was a good idea? First, get everyone hooked on lime, then pull the carpet out from under us by switching flavors.
Whenever I think of it, I can only quote Ricardo Montalban in “Star Trek: the Wrath of Khan”:
From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee…
BRING BACK LIME. (shakes fist)
Oh dammit. I mean conspired against me. Those bitter apple jellybeans have me so upset.
I have to go cry in a corner now.
I got some lime-flavored ones on the way…slightly used but I hardly chewed them.
Or are you gonnna turn all picky and indignant at me too?
BELOW? I’d say they’re behind it, probably just to the jejunum by now.
I’ve only got Twizzlers… But, you know? They’re hollow inside; so I may actually be able to have some jelly bean stuffed Twizzlers. Ooo.. That would be so cool.
In some countries, I bet you could market slightly chewed jellybeans as organic jam.
…not that I’d buy any. I mean I’m desperate for lime, but not that desperate.
Organic? Are you kidding?
Milk from cows that lived the life I do wouldn’t qualify as “organic”. I spend most of my life indoors eating artificial foods…speaking of which, I think I will eat this; the last lime-flavored green jellybean in the world…
…that’s for calling me Jon…
I shall call you cruel henceforth, Cruel Sir.
GIVE ME THE LIME JELLYBEAN.
You can have it once my twenty-three feet have done with it. Care for a cup of saffron tea while you wait? It’s warm…
THAT’S A PEE REFERENCE, ISN’T IT.
Re jellybeans – nothing to worry about. Ronald Reagan is already dead.
I’m just wild about Saffron… lalala…
I need to contact Hugo Chavez and see if he’ll hold one of my books for me. Apparently, the sales on Chomsky’s book have gone up significantly.
For you, I’ll even serve in my best porcelain.
Do you take a dollop of cream on your custard? I’ll have to whip it up for you but it only takes a moment…*where’s my cream of tartar?*
As that comes ready, try my buttered scone.
Perhaps a ladyfinger eclair?
I do love a tea party…
Oh, sure. Tempt me with a buttered scone. I bet they’d find my body in an alley, skin dyed with saffron and a lime jellybean smashed into my forehead.
Don’t bogart the lime jellybeans, my friend.
I like black jellybeans.
After what happened last time I ate some, no thanks.
Are you sure those bitter apples aren’t sour apples? Around these parts we seem to have gotten sour apple everything, which in my book of flavors is near the bottom next to watermelon.
Bitter apple, sour apple…same sh*t, different name.
But how dare–how DARE you malign watermelon flavored candy! I can just hear Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder, not Johnny Depp) yelling “GOOD DAY, SIR!”
I gotta vote with Ginny on the watermelon thing. Them’s fightin’ words, Tripp.
Oh, BTW, I ordered “Agent to the Stars” from one of the alternate booksellers on Amazon. Imagine my delight when I opened it and found that its part of a limited signed edition (1140 of 1500)
And Scalzi,if I had’t known you were odd from Whatever, I’d sure know something’s up from your signature. I’m no expert, but there’s some dark psychology in that signature.
Taunting the tauntable since 1998
John Scalzi, proprietor – JS
Athena Scalzi, contributor – AMS
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