From today’s Dayton Daily News:
Domestic-violence law being challenged (registration required):
Ohio is one of those states that in a haze of gay panic (“OMG WTF! Teh gayz wants the marry!!!!11!!!!ONE!1!!”) passed a state constitutional amendment that not only defined marriage as between a man and a woman but went out of its way to make sure no other relationship could ever have the same rights and privileges as marriage. Yes, that sure showed the homos a thing or two — now they’ll have no choice in Ohio but to have the empty personal lives devoid of meaningful relationships that the particularly hateful have always demanded they have.
But it also means that when a straight male jackass beats the crap out of his live-in girlfriend, you know, maybe because she just wouldn’t listen, he can argue to the Ohio Supreme Court, as one Michael Carswell is doing after he was indicted on felony domestic violence, that he ought not be charged with the crime in question. Because the law covers “people living as a spouse” — and as we all know, no one in Ohio can live as a spouse except a spouse.
So go ahead, Ohio jackasses! Beat the crap out of your girlfriends! The worst you can be charged with is misdemeanor assault! You can probably talk your sentencing down to a fine and 15 hours of picking trash off the highway. Plus, it’s more difficult for your girlfriend to get a restraining order against you, which makes it easier for you to keep her in line. And remember, guys, nothing sticks it to the fags wishing for the rights and protections marriage provides than a straight man kicking in the ribs of his live-in lady. Yes, that’ll show ’em. That’ll show them all.
To be fair to Ohio, not every court in the state has determined that the domestic-violence law conflicts with the Ohio State Constitution. However, the 2nd District Court of Appeals, which covers the county in which I live, has ruled that it does. So in my hometown, you can’t be charged with felony domestic-violence if you pummel your longtime companion when she gets mouthy. But I suppose if she wanted protection from your fists, the bitch should have married you.
Meanwhile, the Citizens for Community Values, one of the conservative groups that helped pass the anti-gay amendment in Ohio, and “officially Associated with Focus on the Family and Family Research Council as a Family Policy Council in Ohio,” has filed an amicus brief supporting the guy who is charged with beating the crap out of his girlfriend. Naturally, the Citizens for Community Values isn’t arguing for unmarried men methodically abusing their girlfriends, per se. It’s just that the sanctity of marriage is so important to protect that if it means some shameless hussy living outside the sanctifying grace of matrimony has to forgo the full protection of the law when her guy pushes her down the stairs, well. Some sacrifices have to be made. Unless, of course, she was pregnant at the time. In which case I’m sure all these fine folks would be happy to charge the guy with endangering a fetus. One has to prioritize one’s community values.
What’s really awesome about this is that if the Ohio Supreme Court agrees that the domestic-violence law is unconstitutional, girlfriend thumpers in other states that have similar anti-gay marriage amendments in their constitutions can start to use this strategy in their states as well! It’ll be like a renaissance for unmarried abusers. The glory days, as it were, for gut-punching uppity chicks. And they’ll owe it all to conservative homophobia. Sure, it’s a little weird to get from gay panic to a free ticket for girlfriend abuse. But they’ll take it.
Thanks, social conservatives! You guys rock.