Coke Zero Haytas
Okay, so, the comments on “My Appalling Lunch” have exposed a heretofore unknown sleeper cell of Coke Zero haytas around these here parts, and I’m here to tell you, all y’all just better step off on mocking my choice of no-calorie beverage. As Joe Rybicki notes in the comments, all true Colaheads (as opposed to “cokeheads,” for obvious reasons) know that Coke Zero is the one true no-calorie Coca-Cola experience, since it’s formulated from the original Coca-Cola formula. Diet Coke, on the other hand, is some sort of bastard hybrid that shares its taste DNA with the hated and reviled New Coke, the antichrist of colas. New Coke!!! I mean, really. As if. And while, yes, I’d prefer to drink fully-sugared Coke, if I were to do that at my current level of soda consumption, I would probably be wider than I was tall, and that would be no good.
So back off, man. And show Coke Zero some love. It’s the one no-calorie cola that doesn’t actually taste like ass. And you know that’s the truth.