Exit Interview From the Seventh Year
Athena, you are eight years old today. How does it feel to be eight?
I’m not eight yet.
What do you mean?
Because I’m not eight until 3:31.
Fine. Today is your eighth birthday. How does it feel to have reached such a momentous milestone?
I feel fine, except that you were just being sarcastic.
Well, I’m sarcastic out of love.
Do you have any advice to people from all your years of experience? You know, things you have learned that you want to share with people. For example, what have you learned about pets?
That they’re cute and cuddly, unless you shave them.
Do you advocate shaving your pets?
No, because they’re cute when they’re not shaved.
Tell what you what you’ve learned about boys.
Some of them are really stupid. And, some of them are nice and smart. That makes them cute.
So, being smart and nice is more important than being good-looking?
What are your thoughts on education?
Why is it boring?
It just is.
How would improve your educational experience?
I would make it so that you could stay in your pajamas, and there would only be three minutes of school. And you would have helmets for learning, for math facts or something, instead of having the teacher tell you or to having to take time tests, because time tests stink.
Is there anything you like learning about?
I like outer space stuff. You learn stuff on posters, and for pictures they’re really neat. You’re on this planet, and you see more planets and falling stars. And space is so big that nobody’s ever gone where it ends. And there’s so many things to learn about space, and I like to learn, but not in the old-fashioned way.
Do you think there’s life on other planets?
No, unless you see another human.
So we’re all alone in the universe?
No, someone else could go with you in the rocket.
No, I mean, that humans the only intelligent species in the universe.
Yes. But there are animals in the universe.
In the last year, what have been some of your favorite books, movies, and music?
For books, Magic Treehouse books rule, and my favorite music is “Bring Me to Life” and “Since U Been Gone.” For movies, I liked Hookwinked and Flushed Away.
What life lessons have you learned?
Not to crack your knuckles.
What’s wrong with cracking your knuckles?
It’s bad for you.
Any final thoughts for people? Any advice give them?
Yes, I have some advice. Never, and I mean ever, leave your cookies unattended.