The John Scalzi Experience — LIVE In YOUR Town!
Posted on January 26, 2007 Posted by John Scalzi 169 Comments
My publicist says I can mention this now, so: I’ll be doing a book tour this spring, in support of The Last Colony, in late April and early May. We’re still scheduling dates and locations so I can’t give you specifics at the moment, however I can say that we do plan to tour the west coast and the midwest, with a couple of east coast hits thrown in just for fun. Of course, when I have official dates and cities, I’ll share them here for your edification and enjoyment.
Naturally I’m very excited about this. This will actually be my second author tour, the first one being a tour I did back in 2000, when The Rough Guide to Money Online came out. That was a three city tour (DC, NYC and Chicago) that was scheduled for the week after the 2000 elections, on the rationale that, heck, the week after the national elections? What possible sort of news could be happening then? Oh, uh, yeah. Not a great tour. This one will be different. Oh, yes.
Anyway, this constitutes a head’s up: Look out, here I come. I think I’ll make tour T-Shirts.
Update, 1:01 pm: Dan writes in the comments:
Your tour needs a slick title. Something ambiguous yet evocative with its senselessness.
How about: John Scalzi’s Puddle of Heads tour ’07.
See? It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, but it sure sounds cool.
Well, all right, let’s make it a contest: Whoever comes up with the best tour name — as decided by me, of course — will get the tour title on whatever T-Shirts I make (presuming I make t-shirts), plus a free t-shirt, and a signed copy of The Last Colony when it comes out.
Get to it! Let’s say this contest is open until 11:59:59 on Sunday 1/28.
Any chance you’ll be coming thru Baton Rouge and/or New Orleans?
Victor Gischler
Come back to Philadelphia, Scalzi. The masses, they adore you.
Come to Austin! (Bookpeople would be an ideal venue.) We’ll feed you your choice of barbecue or Tex-Mex!!
Does Toronto count as a coast? It’s on a lake, so, yeah, “shore” might be more appropriate, but a little leeway would be nice. *makes big puppy dog eyes*
Come to SF and I’ll stop trying to pay people to make out with your head. And I would totally buy a Scalzi ’07 tour T-shirt, as long as it was snarky.
Come to the Phoenix area – Changing Hands or The Poisoned Pen are the best options beyond a corporate setting.
Dallas. We’ll even wave lighters in the air rhythmically if you do a reading…
You should represent for your old hood and do a signing at the Sterling, VA Borders. I used to work there, and they’re good people.Also, awesome vietnamese joint next door.
Your tour needs a slick title. Something ambiguous yet evocative with its senselessness.
How about: John Scalzi’s Puddle of Heads tour ’07.
See? It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, but it sure sounds cool.
Please, forget the Tex-Mex. We have food here so good that it will kill you. Honest-to-God, I can find you a cheeseteak/roast pork combo that will flash-freeze your arteries solid. People will find your corpse and they’ll think Body Worlds is back in town.
How many suggestions for tour names are we permitted to submit?
Shame that Blonde Ambition has already been done.
Cassie: As many as you like.
Oooo…have to put the thinking cap on. Or at least take the beer bong hat off. Hope by midwest you will be hitting the Kansas City or St. Louis area, but as it is I am not crossing my fingers. I realize both are small market in comparison to Chicago, etc.
No matter what I am thrilled for you, that’s great!
To Greg: Feel the love that I and the rest of Austin have for Philly. Philly rocks.
. . . But, y’know, Austin *also* rocks. And — without casting aspersions on the food of Philadelphia or Bangkok or anywhere else — it’s a great food town. S’all good, is what I’m sayin’.
My larger plan, which I’d say you and I are in a good position to co-direct, is to put, say 40 lbs. on Scalzi during the tour. Sound good?
Carl V.:
I’ll be in Kansas city in July for the Heinlein Centennial in any event.
Simple is good, I vote for:
“The Whatever Tour”
~ or~
“The Porcine Meat And Feline Companion Animal Adhesion Tour”
How about “John Scalzi: Old Man’s Tour” ?
That’s good, cause otherwise I’d have to hurry up and post the Bacon Cat Tour or the Cat Bacon Tour (which generates a whole different picture) just to be first.
If you’re coming to Ann Arbor, tell them to get you here before April 26, when finals end and most of the students leave town.
(sorry, double-posting)
“The Porcine Meat And Feline Companion Animal Adhesion Tour”
This implies that the PM and the FCA are on tour. Not that I have a problem with that.
First one off the top of my head:
Tin Tires Tour ’07
It is not only senseless (but meaningful if you know what it was shamelessly ripped off from…), it is alliterative.
I’m also partial to “The Scalzioddessy” and “Scalzitrek IV: The Bloodening”
Think about it.
Random t-shirt ideas.
1. How about a picture of Ghlaghghee and the caption like “Im In Ur Town, Tauntin Ur Buk Luvers”, or else just “I Has a Last Colluni”. It’ll be like a thematic time-stamp for Winter 2006/7.
2. “Hail Jane Sagan!” with a picture of same.
3. “Straight Outta Ohio”?
These are just some initial thoughts.
Minneapolis. Contact Greg Ketter at Dreamhaven and I’m sure something can be arranged.
http://www.dreamhavenbooks.com/
While I’m thinking about what slick title to suggest, may I also point out that you’ll need a cool logo, too? This is not something I’m likely to come up with,(as I have no skilz in that area), but with all your loyal minions plugging away…….
OTOH, our recent discussion of people asking for free professional services might prevent some from stepping up.
Solomon-like, I will wisely now rule on the subject:
John hasn’t asked you to prostitute yourselves to this endeavor; I have.
**Waves hands in sign of Papal dispensation**
C’mon folks, Pony Up.
BTW, that big red tongue and lips thing is already taken.
Nashville, Davis-Kidd (owned by the Joseph-Beth folks). Just a request.
Tour name:
Scalzi Says
or, you know, SCALZI IN TEH HOUSE
Dude, Whatever
John’s Scalzi’s book tour of 2007
John Scalzi:
I’m N UR Citez, Sg=ignin ur bookz
I’m going in a totally different direction:
Sloth Tour ’07: Energetic inertia
This has the added benefit that when one of your many handlers tries to rush you along, you can roll your eyes, point to the banner, and say,
“Dude….what part of Sloth Tour don’t you understand”?
The Scalzi “My God can beat up your God” tour.
Cassie, you and I are definitely thinking along the same lines. But I was thinking:
Beware the Bacon Cat: John Scalzi
Part of me keeps wanting to say A John Scalzi Joint…but I think Spike might take issue with that.
John—you need better timing on these tours so you can come hang out with 20,000 librarians in June. This year’s American Library Association Conference is in DC. As for a catchy tour name…just not Scalzipalooza.
Scalzi ’07: Sometimes you just gotta hit the road
Tatiana, if he uses your suggestion, when we go to see him, do we bring porcine offerings, feline offerings, or do we just throw the stuff at him?
Oh, do come to Boulder! We’ll–er, we’ll make you tea! And give you a lot of snow to take home with you, because we’re surplussed and sick of it!
(At least come hit the Denver area–Tattered Cover is an excellent bookstore.)
I’ve been mulling over this Suggest A Tour Title thingie, and the best I’m coming up with is,
Wherever
Simple, clever, to the point. Say you like it!
how about the john scalzi i don’t have time to critique your work i’m too busy looking for my lost wallet and chasing friendly neighborhood dogs out of my house 2007 book tour? that would fit in t-shirt, right?
How about:
1. The Scalzi Sagan Circuit
2. The Scalzi BrainPal Boogie
Rochelle:
“John—you need better timing on these tours so you can come hang out with 20,000 librarians in June. This year’s American Library Association Conference is in DC.”
Well, maybe I will be there and just haven’t announced it yet. Didn’t think of that, did you?
David McNelis: It’s not often I think like others here on this blog, so it’s nice to hear when I do.
Personally, I think Nicole nailed it, but I continue to brainstorm.
John Scalzi: Parmesan Cat ’07
How about,
The Mind If I Tour ’07
IF you were at the ALA convention, then there would be a reason to go.
Must check with my hubby if he’s planning to attend.
two reasons your tour should hit san francisco
1) we’ve got a In-N-Out. two, in fact.
2) borderlands books has a hairless cat. i dunno why that’s an interesting selling point, but there you go.
Will you make it to the South? If not, Knoxville could be considered ‘East’.
Scalzi’s Rampage: Scifi Author Gone Wild
Jeteraus
(Squeeee! Cassie likes it! :-)
So many good suggestions up there. I’m making officemates give me strange looks as I read them and giggle. I don’t say nearly as often as I should what a great procrastination aid this blog is. So I’m saying it now. Nyah.
John Scalzi 2007: After the Green Skins
or
Be My BrainPal
Since there’s very little chance you’ll make it all the way down here to Atlanta, I’ll second the Davis-Kidd in Nashville vote. Get that far south on a weekend, and I’ll drive up.
I’d echo Sam’s comments about Borderlands, but then Scalzi was the one who recommended it to me in the first place. :)
Ninjas For Pluto Tour
Ditto on the Nashville idea.
Cassie asked “Tatiana, if he uses your suggestion, when we go to see him, do we bring porcine offerings, feline offerings, or do we just throw the stuff at him?”
Actually, that was Christian’s suggestion, so I’m not going to touch that one. At all.
The 2007 Taunting Tour.
I like Dr. Matt’s, though perhaps adding something about Wheelie Willie (or whatever his name was).
The Try Not to Disappoint Me Tour.
Excursions to Shill a Book.
Scalzi Shills a Sagan.
Scalzipalooza ’07
The John Scalzi “Kiss My Scalp!” Tour.
I’ll volunteer for coming up with a logo. Just give me the name you come up with.
Scalzi 2007: Madcap Thunder
Scalzi’s Heartland-to-Coast Tour 2007
Scalzi 2007: Be in at the thrill
Addendum to any of the above: “… and now, with Sheep!”
Serendipitous Details
ScalziTour07
or
Relying on My Asshole
The CDF Spring Hump
orThe Viscerally Redeemed Tour
Renewed in ’07
Yes, I like subheds, why?
Tour names and ideas
“Kiss, Kiss, Skull, Skull”
(In big letters) “The Last” (smaller letters below, stretched) “Colony” (bigger letters below) “Book Tour”
“The Old Man Tour”
“Live, Nude Writer!”
(as in “Live, Nude Girls”)
The John and Cthulhu Morning Show
(well, really, I’d have said Athena and Cthulhu, but it’s not her tour)
Being Tour? – probably too oblique, and probably too punny…
Colonial Defense Tour? – might attract more minutemen than Scalziacs…
Regardless, just be clear about when you’ll be at Powell’s in Portland Oregon. You are going to be at Powell’s in Portland Oregon, right? Because Powell’s in Portland Oregon is the most Powell’s in Portland Oregon that a Powell’s in Portland Oregon could ever Powell’s in Portland Oregon.
“Old Ghost Colony Tour”
Scalzicon
Athena Scalzi’s Insolent Dad Tour
Whatever 2007: The John Scalzi Experience
Blogs, Books and Bacon: Scalzi 2007
The Great Scalzi Experiment of 2007
>>Shame that Blonde Ambition has already been done.
Whatever Tour 2007: I Don’t Spank My Daughter
I feel the urge to get a VW minibus and follow John cross country ala greatful dead style. Depends on the amount of drugs people will be having, I suppose.
Why does it have to be an ’07 tour?
I want time travel dammit.
Don’t Kiss My Head tour
The Animals and Pork Products tour
The ‘Where the hell did you put my wallet’ tour
I like J at The Dundies idea, but offer a slight change (props, though to J at The Dundies)
“The Insolent Daddy Tour”
Possible subhead (for Nathan, I think) “All Ur Base R Belong 2 Us”
And a caption, “Don’t Make Me Put You In My Next Book”
Tour suggestion: “The John Scalzi Bacon-Taping Tour.”
And I would like to put in a request for a stop in Louisville. If you need a reason, hey, the cheeseburger was invented here.
I vote for “Books, Blogs, and Bacon” with adding in “…and now sheep too!”
There’s really a lot of good suggestions.
And just because you’re coming to KC in July doesn’t mean you can’t come in April/May too.
Scalzi ’07: Bring Your Own Bacon
Scalzone 2007: Books, Bacon and Beasts
The Lost(scratched out)… Last Colony Book Tour 07
Do Androids Dream of Books? John Scalzi Book Tour ’07
Granted, it would probably have been more appropriate for a TAD book tour, but that’s all I’ve got for now.
Duuuuuudz!
Just thought I’d pop in and tell ya’ll I went to Scalz-o-rama 2019 last night and it was soooo coool.
I’m like 2nd in line to get “The Borders of Argo VI” signed. (Great book, BTW; you’re gonna love it when you get here.) So, any way, there’s Holograph AI-Scalzi sitting there dispensing good will and autographs, and the guy in front of me steps up and says, “I’ve read all your stuff and I think the last four books have been totally lame. Will you sign my book”?
Out of nowhere, Holo-Krissy materializes with a baseball bat, and BOOOM. Right over the head.
Holo-Scalzi just smiled and said, “I’ve been saying for years there’s no upside to arguing with screechy monkeys”.
It was (will be) awesome. You’ll just have to be there.
Here’ s a couple of tour idea’s for when UR IN MY TOWN SIGNIN MY BOOKZ:
Scalzi 07: By the way tour…
The Bacon-Cat Experiment (tour)
The Author’s Dream
The Rough Guide to Meeting Fan’s
You’re not fooling anyone: The Scalzi Book tour ’07
Hope to see you make at least one stop in the Southeast, either Hotlanta or Charlotte.
Here’ s a couple of tour idea’s for when UR IN MY TOWN SIGNIN MY BOOKZ:
Scalzi 07: By the way tour…
The Bacon-Cat Experiment (tour)
The Author’s Dream
The Rough Guide to Meeting Fan’s
You’re not fooling anyone: The Scalzi Book tour ’07
Hope to see you make at least one stop in the Southeast, either Hotlanta or Charlotte.
Santa Cruz is a big book-buying town (I think). Bookshop Santa Cruz and the Capitola Book Cafe both do author thingies. But you should talk to them soon, because they do them really regularly so they have their schedule up a couple months in advance.
No one’s suggested Scalzapalooza?
I did. ;p
1) You’re coming to NE Ohio, right? Cleveland? Akron? Canton? My house? (I’m quite lazy)
2) Tour names:
Sheep Love ’07
Cats, Sheep, and Pigs: Oh My!
John Scalzi: Last in Colonies, but First in your Heart
Sheep, Yes
Furries, No
“Scalzi Unchained”
Or in a more bookish vein, “Scalzi Unbound.”
Logo for the above: Photoshopped Steve Reeves body (breaking chains with pecs or whatever) with the Scalzi head.
Would look cool on a tee.
How about the:
I’m Not Fooling You When I Take My Books to the Coffee Shop Tour
or
The Bacon Cat Electric Purple Rose Tour
Hmm, Sclazi Unbound. I like that. Quasi literary, sure the Superman thing, also Promethius (and Frankenstein). Yes, yes.
Scalzi Unchained, though, sounds like a “Chicks in Prison” flick. :)
Schnoz Nite: Jolly to a Clash
Then the poster shows the anagram slowly migrate to…
The Last Colony: John Scalzi
Since there are more cracktastic suggestions than there is a tour, John has to have more than one tour this year, so he can use up all the aweomeness.
CatFree Cheeseboardom Tour 07
Now with more bacon!
Even with the combined imagination-inspiring presences of Iain Banks and Charlie Stross looming over my shoulders I am still unable to come up with a tour name. I guess I’ll just have to wait and buy my own copies of the books…
Plutonic Ideals Tour 07
Sam said:
2) borderlands books has a hairless cat. i dunno why that’s an interesting selling point, but there you go.
I’m thinking that tape would stick spectacularly well to a hairless cat.
Tour Name, “Scalzi’s Last,” until the inevitable reunion tour that is.
Come to San Diego, and Mysterious galaxy. It’s not the biggest book store, but it is independent, and they specialize in mystery and science fiction, so you’ll probably feel at home.
-michael
Electric Sheepaloo?
“The John Scalzi Experience”
In tiny letters you can add, “The author takes no responsibility for the side effects of licking his head”
The “Scalzi’s more Ballzi” tour.
Scalzirific World Tour 2007
Fueled by Bacon cat and Coke Zero!
I didn’t mean to offend, Tim: Austin well and truly rocks.
Tour names, apologies for repeats:
Baconated ’07
The John Scalzi Ordeal as opposed to the John Scalzi Experience.
Warrented Braintaps
The Not Foolin’ Anyone Tour
Android’s Airstream: Scalzi on the Road
WalletQuest ’07
First title that popped into my head: The It’s Not Easy Being Green Tour.
Oh, and because the tour might also reflect the name of the book:
The Sagan & Perry Reunion Tour ’07
The Last Colonic err…maybe not.
Seems obvious to me. It needs to beOld Man’s Tour.
Hey, hadn’t heard of that event but will be checking it out. Guess I’ll have to sneak my copies of your books in and keep a stalker’s eye out for you so I can get some signage!!!
So many tour names, so little time – 2007 Tour
“Is My Wallet in Your City?” 2007 Tour
The ScalziClone Tour 2007
“Found My Wallet, But Where’s My Pluto?” 2007 Tour
“Taping Bacon on Cats Since 2006” 2007 Tour
Last Colonies ‘R’ Us Tour 2007
The Scalziriffic 2007 Tour
“Stop Messing with my 401(k)” 2007 Tour
Read My Book! Tour 2007
UR Byin’ My Bookz, Thx For the Green 2007 Tour
The “I’m #4!” Tour 2007
“Why Do I Always End Up in L.A. When Carol Can’t Meet Me?” 2007 Tour
Okay, maybe that last is a little personal…
But really, the best is Old Man’s Tour 2007. Wish I came up with it
Cassie: I’ll be at ALA. Certainly that’s reason enough to attend. The Scalzmeister will be icing on the cake (or….dare I say?…bacon on the cat).
John: That was vaguely promising. OR promisingly vague? Don’t know…still bleary from ALA’s Midwinter meeting. Total laff riot, it was.
Scalzi’s Double Whatever Tour
The Huh? What? Scalzi Tour
Scalzi Scalps Old Man Tour
Cats, Cheese, Bacon, Whatever Tour
Scalztastic Blog Tour
Whatever, Scalzi! Tour
Old Man Uncle John Scalzi Tour
Deep Scalzi Nine
Scalzattack!
“A Writer on…Whatever: Scalzi on Tour”
“Will Speak for Food: A Writer on Tour”
“Re-colonizing: Scalzi on Tour”
Although the best title is probably “Old Man’s Tour.”
How about the “I’m not Laurell K Hamilton, so don’t stand in line to tell me I suck, because you just don’t GET IT” Tour?
I also like “Recreational Spanking Tour 07” but maybe that would bring the WRONG kind of people out…
Get Scalzied: 2007
or if you feel up for it, Get Scalzified
John, will you be doing all the mime and interpretive dances? And the aria?
This may influence what we suggest as names for the tour.
John Scalzi, for Precedent Tour. (pun intended)
HEY BROTHER!!!I miss you so much, I hope your tour makes it to Redding,Ca.I would love to see you.
“Pluto Is a Planet, Damnit!” Tour
Any plans on getting your books translated to other languages besides English? It would be cool to have you in Austria. I would ensure an emasse turnout for your signing..:)
Ray, Old Man’s War & The Ghost Brigades have been bought for German language publication, but I don’t know when they’re scheduled to be released over there.
Update: Found it. Old man’s War (retitled “Krieg der Klone’) will be out in June in the German language.
If you make it to Philly, you’ve got a fine meal and many beers awaiting you, Mr. Scalzi.
I doubt you could get the rights for it, but I would personally rather enjoy “The Forever Tour”.
Probably already been done to death, but… meh, so what?
Lots of good suggestions so far.
Here’s one with a suspicious similarity to Ryan S’s:
“You’re Not Fooling Anyone When You Go On a National Book Tour”
and,
“Tea Parties For Old Men on Last Colonies”
“SCLZ: Comin’ Outta Their Shells Tour!”
“The Grand Tour”
“Hail The Conquering Hero (and have him sell you some of his books) Tour”
“The Elderly Also Yearn For Love”
“Fantastic Dance! With Jon Scalls”
The John Scalzi Makes a Pen Work Tour.
Pablo, I’ll thumb-wrestle you for it.
The Last Old Man’s Colonoscopy Tour. No video will be made available.
Travels With Scalzi
(or
Does Anyone Have A Camper I Can Borrow?)
Scalzicce 2007: Taping Pork to the Pussy Across the USA!!!
I’ll take mine in an extra large, thank you!
The Wherever. *g*
Come to Omaha! Gateway to the West!
How about:
Scalzi 07
Ur town, my books, INK
I think the key is to make a shout-out to the bacon cat and other Whatever inside jokes, with a double entendre that doesn’t make all the poor radio hosts feel left out. Therefore:
Scalzi ’07: The Last Baloney
Ooooo…come to Asheville, NC! We’ve got literary cred coming out our eyeballs and lots of really cool mountain views!
As for the tour name,
TorTour 07: That’s Gonna Leave A Mark
I don’t really have a tour name (John Scalzi’s Pimp-tastic Book Tour is the best I’ve come up with), but I’d like to request a stop in Orlando. And I’ll sweeten the deal by offering a free day at Disney to your lovely family…
Internet Memes Are Overrated Tour ’07
or
This Is My Tour, There Are Many Like It, But This One Is Mine
or
Semper Touring
or
They Actually Pay Me For This ’07
How about:
Scalzi Coast2Coast Tour 2007
Coastin’ 2007
Bacon Coastin’ 2007
Scalzi’s Colonial Sitings 2007
Scalzi’s Citational Sitings 2007
I have a tour name, but it would give away the end of the book… so I shall just privately cackle in glee that I’ve read it already. =)
Steve Buchheit on January 26, 2007 at 03:41 PM said:
“Scalzi Unchained, though, sounds like a “Chicks in Prison” flick. :)”
Yes, Mr. Bucheit, but don’t you find that just a hint of sleeze can bring out a more, um, “varied” audience? ;).
I’d have suggested the epically tragic “Scalzi Unbound,” but I see that I’ve been beaten to it several times over. Oh well. Allow me to suggest:
John Scalzi’s inevitable book signing hand-cramp tour
The Pluto Memorial Tour
Colonial Defense Force Recruitment Drive
The “Bacon + Cat = Pageviews” Tour
The Wherever Whatever Tour
Scalzi 2: Electric Boogaloo
Just Read Tour 2007
Pluto: Stop the haytin’ — Scalzitour ’07
Naming the Tour:
Welcome to the Scalziverse
The Scalzi Colonization
I like the ones that use The Whatever, so how about…
Whatever And Ever Tour
or…
Whatever Live!
or for completing the trilogy (you are going to keep it to a trilogy, right?)…
Happily Whatever After
And while I like the taping-bacon-to-cat meme, you need to go one step farther…
The Taping Bacon to Sheep Tour
Book Man’s Tour
The Yes, I Am Fooling Everyone Tour
Live Nude Blogging!
(okay, that’s just silly)
The Last Uncle Old Man’s Rough Ghost Dream of the Stars Whatever
Or just… TourZi!
The John Scalzi Pop Explosion!
Another plea for the Knoxville / East Tennessee region. Cities in the area that would be within a reasonable drive, in descending preference: Ashville, Nashville, Lexington, Atlanta.
Tour name:
Ovine, Feline, and Mine: Scalzinational Tour ’07
Baaaad Kitty!
Scalzi-Oh-Seven: Bacon Come A-Walkin’
Rats, she got there first:
bonnie-ann black “Shame that Blonde Ambition has already been done.
how about “The Bald Ambition Tour”?
So, ummm hows about:
1. John Scalzi: Bald Ambition
2. Bald Ambition: Blinded by the Light
3. Bald Ambition: Blinded by the Bacon
4. John Scalzi: Sticking Bacon to the Cat Fur on the Wall
The first three can have multiple meanings… Lotsa fun for everyone!
PS: The Book People in Austin is a REALLY GOOD bookstore. Big too…
PPS: San Antonio has better restaurants/food than Austin (wet slurpy raspberry to the Austin guys).
Dave
I’m assuming that time is EST. From one ESTer to another (sounds like a cult to me!). :-P
“It’s fun to be pink again!” “Back to (the?) pink!” “The final pink” “The last turn of pink” or somesuch.
“Im n ur galaxy colonizing ur planets”
“Old Mans Tour: The Third Epoch”
(Assuming that John and Jane are now pink civilians instead of green grunts in this novel.)
Well, they might not be pink. I don’t remember specifying.
how about “the post-colony tour”?
“The Last Colony Bathroom Break For Ten Parsecs”
Oh, and it would work better if you changed “The Lost Colony” to “The Last Colony”. So you ought to do that.
And the above comment would make more sense if it was prefaced by something like
“Remaining Old Men Together: Finding Your Inner Lost Colony” National Workshop Tour.
I Did Two Things on My Seventy-Fifth Book Tour.
Bored of Beta Pyxis Vacations? Book T’ Our Last Colony!
CDF Recruitment Drive: Kidnap the Elderly for Cash!*
*Scalzi Carries Less than $20
The Best of All Possible Tours
J.D. Finch, “but don’t you find that just a hint of sleeze can bring out a more, um, “varied” audience?”
True enough.
I would say you can’t go too far wrong with a title like:
“The Bloody Stool Tour”
…either way it ends it is likely to fit…could be just a simple rectal inflammation but then again, it could be seating used as a lethal improvised weapon.
Veni, Lexi, Vinci “I came, I read, I conquered”
John Scalzi’s Dance Party
Readever
The bashful armadillo tour
(came up last night at Scott’s party)
Greg, I like Warrented Braintaps, though the copyeditor in me has to point out that should be:
Warranted Braintaps
I also like
John Scalzi: Colonizing Your Brain
(The Dream Colony Tour also works)
Combining a tour name and plea for an appearance:
The First Annual Triumphant Return to Fresno
Howzabout ScalziSnark ’08! — The Tour
Okay, though lame this is what I’ve come up with thus far:
John Scalzi’s “Ewe da man!” tour
John Scalzi’s Comin’ and Ewe Know You Want It, Tour
The genetically-enhanced sheep loving tour
Scalzi’s on Tour: Hide the sheep!
The J. Scalzi Experience: BYOS (Bring your own sheep)
The ‘Its about damn time I won a Hugo’ tour.
The ‘White Castle be Damned’ Tour
The Anti-Burger Avoidance Tour
The Sliders equals Skidmarks Tour
“Questions for a writer tour”
“superScalzifragalisticTourialidotious” might need to break that up a bit!
Oh…and come to Philly!
And now for something completely different:
The Geriatric Lobotomy tour
The Flatulent Communicator tour, with its variations, The Flatulent Evangelist tour, The Flatulent Diplomat tour…for something more subtle along those lines, The Winds of Change tour, The Olfactory Enlightenment tour.
Something referencing the BrainPAL might be interesting. Of course there would have to be a catchy title to fit the PAL acronym. Hmmm…
John Scalzi’s Probing Anal Lesions Tour probably wouldn’t get past the censors.
Paid Army Lobotomy tour (probably would be take the wrong way)
the Prodigal Android Lullaby tour (I can’t stop thinking about sheep!!!)
Another age related one:
The Last Colonoscopy tour.
“Self-Deprecating and Proud of it”
“Darke County Work Realease Program”
“The Hermeneutics of Obfuscation”
David
John “JK Rowling” Scalzi presents “Harry Potter and the Last Colony”
How about one of these?
Up the Beanstalk; The Last Colony Tour ‘07
Saving Humanity, One Old Man at a Time.
The Last Colony Tour ‘07
Forget about Hal; Get into a BrainPal
The Last Colony Tour ‘07
Green Men On Tour ‘07; Want to learn More?
CDF Immortality Tour
TLC ‘07
TLC Tour ‘07
and finally,
The Last Colony 2007
Pre-Hugo Award Tour
Just before bed, here’s the utterly nonsensical:
the Zombie Robot Nurses Unleased tour
the Patronizing Alien Liturgist tour
the Recycled Old Folks tour
the Barbara Streisand/Cher farewell tour #75, featuring J. Scalzi
You could do the Mirror, Mirror version of yourself on tour…of course you’d have to grow some facial hair so that we knew it was your evil mirror universe twin.
Goodnight!!!
the Relocated Consciousness tour
2007 Burger Nostalgia Tour
Waiting impatiently for your final decision.
Love the Scalzi-ation of words so:
palzi Scalzi in the fallzi (obviously have to save it for the Autumn tour of Europe – hint, hint)
and maximum use of “z”:
cuz uz luvz Scalzi
Anne KG Murphy
Greg, I like Warrented Braintaps, though the copyeditor in me has to point out that should be:
Warranted Braintaps
Damn!
I like Tim Walker’s “Straight Outta Ohio”, way upthread. Manly, short, not too clever-clever: perfect.
I’m curious to see who won.
My bf maintains that Puddle of Heads is the default best title.
Based on the recent TAD review:
“Scalzi BookTour ’07: He’s Subtly Bizarre”