OMW in the UK

Got official word of this, so now I can share it; Old Man’s War is now going have an official UK version, which will hit stores there on the first of June. This is opposed to the current situation, in which OMW is available only as a US import.

You ask, “are there going to be any major differences between the two editions”? I’m glad you asked. Here are some of the revisions we are thinking of making.

1. Rather than being green, all the CDF soldiers will be an enchanting paisley.

2. In the scene where the characters are eating together for the first time, the American style breakfast will be replaced with a fry-up.

3. John Perry will now be the spitting image of Hugh Laurie back in the A Bit of Fry and Laurie days. Jane Sagan now looks just like Kate Bush around about the Lionheart era.

4. John Perry is no longer from Ohio; he’s from Croydon.

5. There will be a 60% increase in British in-jokes, mostly in snippets of dialogue lifted from Monty Python, Blackadder, Red Dwarf and Little Britain, and snarky bits from record reviews in 1980s editions of Smash Hits. Chief among these is when John Perry, severely wounded, can be heard to utter, “I’m not dead. I think I’ll go for a walk.” Also, Jane Sagan now weighs the same as a duck.

6. CDF battle unitards replaced with chav-tastic tracksuits and white trainers.

7. The cover of the UK version of Old Man’s War will resemble the original hardcover artwork, except in this case, the old man on the cover will be the spitting image of Sir Cliff Richard.

8. The scene featuring the future advertising icon “Willie Wheelie” will have Willie replaced by Denny the Red Devil, a future mascot of Manchester United.

9. At least one alien species in the book previously assumed to be incomprehensible will be discovered to merely have been speaking Glaswegian.

10. While not specifically UK-related, the UK edition will add in a formerly-excised scene in which Jane Sagan is revealed to be both red-headed and John Perry’s mother, sent forward in time with the help of her twin male clones. When this is revealed, the nipples of every character in the scene immediately go spung. This scene was removed from the original book by editor Patrick Nielsen Hayden, who noted, “science fiction already has an altogether sufficient number of spunged nipples, thank you very much.”

This is all very, very true.

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