Today’s Quote to Athena, Made That Much More Interesting By Its Utter Lack of Context
Posted on February 10, 2007 Posted by John Scalzi 34 Comments
It is thus:
“Now, I hope you understand that in fact most problems can’t be solved by the judicious use of a crossbow.”
“Untrue!” cry the Balloon People.
Context is totally overrated.
I gotta say, Hansen’s on the right track — most problems actually could be, especially if the application is judicious. Now that doesn’t speak to the host of other problems that may arise. But if we’re looking at problems in isolation, crossbow’s got it all over, say, a mace.
Had it been anyone else’s child, I would have said there’s no way she could have said that.
Do you worry that one of these days she’s going to read one of your books and just say “Ya know, Dad? I would have used bigger words if I was writing this.”
Dan, note I said “Quote to Athena,” i.e., it was me saying it.
Of course not.
That’s what high explosives are for.
What suggestions did you have for those tricky occasions when a crowbar just won’t do? Lockpicks?
It all depends upon who is wielding the Crossbow. Take Macgyver for example.
And, you don’t actually have to shoot someone with it to solve the problem.
But, the point is well taken. And humorous to boot.
As one of my friends found out, this also applies to a home invasion by mice.
Ooooooh! Clouds.
It’s really bluey.
Ohhh… TO Athena.
One of these days, I will learn how to do that thing with words where you look at them and put them in your head to make sense and stuff.
The funny thing is, I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did say it to you.
Oh well… time for me to get back to those reading lessons.
odd fact for the day: A bolt from a 450# cross bow won’t even dent a set of plate armor, but the kinetic energy transfer will liquify the internal organs of the armored person.
Just thought I’d share that.
And hey, we’ve gone from space to sky! Good times.
It’s true. Crossbows are somewhat limited in their problem-solving abilities.
Now, an arbalest is a different matter altogether. I believe that arbalests are the Turing machines of human problem solving. Very few problems are so intractable that the judicious use of an arbalest cannot help.
But DAD!!!!
What I want to know is where was the emphasis?
Now, I hope you understand that in FACT most problems can’t be solved by the judicious use of a crossbow
is very different from
Now, I hope you understand that in fact MOST problems can’t be solved by the judicious use of a crossbow
Even more different is:
Now, I hope you understand that in fact most problems can’t be solved by the JUDICIOUS use of a crossbow
And even more troubling:
NOW, I hope you understand…
Great! Now show her the one about “sudo make me a sandwich.” That’ll keep thing interesting around the house for a while.
Things, I mean.
Crossbow? Not crowbar, but crossbow?
One of these days, I will learn how to do that thing with words where you look at them and put them in your head to make sense and stuff.
Right there with ya, Dan.
Boyoboy, I can’t even claim innocent by reason of no-coffee-yet.
Oh, how I wish my father had imparted that bit of wisdom to me in time.
Into the spam queue again? Man, I just can’t buy a break.
K
I have no evidence of you in the spam queue, KevinQ. Send whatever you were sending again.
John,
Really? Because I tried posting the same thing again, and again I got this message:
K
Let me try it without the paragraph breaks:
I think I’d need to see some examples of problems that couldn’t be solved by a crossbow. Parking dispute? Crossbow. Last slice of pizza? Crossbow. Cheating at poker? Crossbow. President keeps starting wars? Crossbow. Neighbor’s music too loud? Crossbow. Country being invaded? Bunch of crossbows. Wife wants to you to go shopping with her? Definitely crossbow.
I think I’d need to see some counter-examples.
K
(For the record: Tire, pin the pizza to the table, the cards, vice-president, speaker, deterrent, your own foot.)
Course not. A LONGbow, on the other hand…
Yes, Metal Fatigue, Thing is always interesting.
No, no, Crossbow tears Paper, Rock breaks Crossbow.
It’s true that crossbows won’t solve most problems. It is also true, as Brad J stated to state above, there is no personal problem which cannot be resolved by the judicial use of a pound of C4.
As Riccardo states as well, longbows are faster, have a longer range, but require more skill in usage.
From one of Ernest Bramah’s “Kai Lung” stories:
“…there few situations in life that cannot be honourably settled, and without loss of time, either by suicide, a bag of gold, or by thrusting a despised antagonist over the edge of a precipice on a dark night.”
Wow. I’ve been living my life the wrong way. All this time, and crossbows were not the answer. I think I need therapy.
Bet all you guys give a reasonable impersonation of sanity when you are out and about in the real world eh? heehee
Having spent the morning playing Half-Life, I must disagree. Judicious use of the crossbow solves a LOT of problems.
did
@Jeff Hentosz: That really depends on whether you are the type who takes a hands-off approach to problem solving or one who enjoys getting down and blood… err, dirty when solving problems. While a crossbow quickly brings issues to a point; it’s not as well suited to pounding home your argument as a mace.
@Sally Lou Liz: Where would be the fun in appearing sane? Muhahahahahahaah!