These Are Made of Awesome. And Fat

Forwarded to me by someone who knows my love of bacon and cheese: Deep Fried Bacon, Cheese and Beer Dog. My arteries are clogging just thinking about it.

It comes with pictures. Oh, yes.

32 Comments on “These Are Made of Awesome. And Fat”

  1. The younger folks here won’t get this, but I’ll quote Fred Sanford, from “Sanford and Son” (70’s TV show)

    “This is the big one!”

    [clutches chest]

  2. On a related note, I wrapped cheese in asparagus, wrapped that in beef, and then wrapped that in bacon. Unfortunately, I baked them instead of deep-frying them, but they were still tasty. I’ve got pictures on my flickr site.


  3. amandageddon – She is a slacker of the highest order, a geek of not so much, went back to school to become an even bigger geek and possibly get paid for it. She loves it when a plan comes together.

    Oh my god. (Becky, look at her butt.)

    I don’t like beer, but that might actually be a tasty use for it. Sort of like beer & cheese soup.

    But then again, you can’t beat poutine. Best (and only) use of gravy EVER.

  4. After viewing the pictures I believe that my arteries have gone on strike.

    On a side note, I believe that whoever invented the process of deep frying cheese for an appetizer should receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

  5. I think I just gained a few kilograms.

    I haven’t commented before, although I have been reading Whatever for a while. Just wanted to tell that number 307 of ‘You’re not fooling anyone etc’ just reached Finland safely.

  6. Don’t forget, if you drink red wine, it’s beneficial for your heart.

    Not sure what to recommend with a deep-fried hot dog and cheese though.

  7. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang, for rizzle.

    MY heart does a very slow WHUMP just looking at that. Oh my freaking god.

    I’m too old to eat stuff like that. Sadly.

  8. johnklima – John Klima is the editor of the Hugo Award-winning magazine Electric Velocipede. He maintains a secret identity as a librarian.
    John Klima

    Hey Scalzi:
    If you have some free time at Wiscon I can take you to Dotty’s Dumpling Dowry where you can get fried cheese curd and fried mac ‘n’ cheese as appetizers. Yum!
    John Klima

  9. I just rationalize it by reminding myself that *if done correctly*, deep frying does not make a food higher in fat…yeah, that’s the ticket! :)

  10. Wow just when you think someone has reached the pinnacle of deep fried something that will give you a heart attack just looking at it, someone dreams up something even more deadly and delicious.

    In other thoughts on deep frying my parents are planning to go to the French Laundry which one of the greatest fine dining establishemnts in the US, and also one of the most expensive (250 a person, before wine) and I was jokng with my dad that maybe they serve deep fried dollar bills on the menu.

  11. Those would go great with a cup of honey!

    This entry reminded me of a humorous web gem my husband and I discovered years ago at However, when I went searching for that (fictional)peanut dog article today, I discovered that someone actually has made peanut butter filled hot dogs. And I felt the pricking of my thumbs….

  12. See, the thing that creeps me out most about that is not the artery-clogging saturated fat (oh how delicious!), its the spray cheese. I mean you can’t even buy that in my little backwater country.

    Spray. Cheese. In a can. I mean come on. Is it cheese? Is it plastic? Is it silly string? Seems to be one of the most inadvisable foodstuffs (in the loosest sense of the word) ever invented.

  13. What I want is someone to try my latest Culinary Mad Science idea.

    You know what a Chile Rellano is: take a good sized chile, stuff it with cheese, give it some sort of batter and deep fry. In very simplistic terms.

    I say marry the idea with the Scotch Egg:

    Take a good sized chile, stuff it with cheese, then wrap it in sausage, bread it, and deep fry. I give you the Scottish Rellano.

  14. Deep Fried. Beer Battered. Cheese Filled. Bacon Wrapped. Hot Dog.

    Well, I suppose its okay, as long as you’re getting your fiber intake from tobacco and washing the whole mess down with a Jolt Cola while driving really fast and talking on your cell phone.

    I suspect that if you even think about making one of these, your life insurance policy flatlines immediately.

  15. It’s perfect convention food–fills you up when you have back-to-back-to-back panels and multiple get-togethers lined up.

    Besides, a beer cuts/emulsifies the fat, so it’s all good.

  16. Comrade Scalzi: Since you’re going to be in Iowa City in May, there’s a place just around the corner from the bookstore you’re appearing at called Atlas World Grill. They have a BBQ Pork burrito that’ll knock you dead (figuratively)! It has garlic mashed potatoes, BBQ pulled pork and cole slaw all wrapped into a burrito, drizzled in BBQ sauce, & covered in thin-sliced onion rings. Yeah, it’s not bacon, but still damn good.

    …then there’s also the Iowa State Fair, where you can get almost any type of food deep fat fried on a stick…mmmmmm, deep fried Snickers…ON A STICK!

  17. Forget the hot dog. Bread and fry a dozen nice oysters. Take a beef tenderloin, cut one and half to two inch fillets from the large end of the tenderloin. Take boning knife or fillet knife, (has to be sharp and it helps if the meat is cool) and cut a big pocket in the fillet, fill pocket with fried oysters–grill no more than medium rare, just to where the beef blood heats up and percolates into the oysters. If you’re gonna kill yourself, do it with the right gun.

    Then John, if you must, swirl with canned cheese and add bacon. Jeez…


  18. Re: The comments about heart attacks and early death.I have never in my life made any effort to limit intake of fat, which is where all the flavor resides. I have not died. At about age 45, I had a cardiac stress test, and the doctor said my circulatory system was more like one expected in a 25-year-old. I grow weary of being told I will die next week unless I limit my diet to salad without dressing and skinless tasteless chicken breasts. The beer I can do without, but these other delicacies sound yummy.

  19. I have devoured entire boxes of Twinkies with little regard for cholesterol, good or bad. I have even swilled my body weight in beer, but I have never, ever experienced such artery-shaking fear as when I saw those fried piles of pork by-products. Oh, the stomach queases, the salivary glands protest. I wonder if those concoctions qualify as biological weapons under the Geneva convention?

  20. Critter

    I just rationalize it by reminding myself that *if done correctly*, deep frying does not make a food higher in fat…yeah, that’s the ticket! :)

    Technically, I’m not sure you actually could make this food higher in fat than it already is. I mean, it appears to have reach some sort of quantumly stable fat saturation level before the first fry-bath.

  21. Ok, I have to bite here. If you don’t have the means (large pot, lots of oil) to make this deep fried bacon cheese and beer dog, try this variation. Slice a hotdog lengthwise, insert a slice of american cheese (folded in half to break the cheese into the right shape), close the hotdog and wrap with a thick slice of bacon, wrap the whole thing in one of those crescent rolls that come in an exploding can. Actually it takes two, just don’t tear them on the diagonal perforation, so they stay in a square shape. Bake for about 20 minutes at 350. Bwaahahaha. Best food my mom ever made!

  22. Lee:
    That would be Stelze an Austrian/German specialty.
    One of the favorite Vienna past times is to go to the Prater at The Schwiezer Haus and drink beer and eat Stelze. Decadent to the core. Schwiezer Haus opens next week and I’M SO THERE!!!

  23. These look actually tasty, in a horribly fatty way, but… spray cheese? Good Lord.

    Also, what are you supposed to do with the hot dog innards that are left over?

  24. Now, I do love me the artificial cheese-stuffs, and spray cheese in a can is even better. However, those hotdogs look ready-made to be stuffed with string cheese – you know, the mozzarella cheese that comes in “sticks” from which you peel strings of cheesy goodness.

    I think that would make those perfect.


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