My Big Geek Two Page Spread

Should you pick up a copy of Geek Monthly this month, the one with Mary Lynn Rajskub on it, you know, like you do, you geek, then this is what awaits you on pages 26 and 27. Perhaps not as faplicious as Ms. Rajskub (and if you disagree with this assessment, please don’t tell me), but nice all the same. Both the very amusing photo and the article itself are by Jeff Hentosz, who as many of you know is a frequent visitor to the Whatever — and in this case also a visitor to the Scalzi Compound, as he came out for the interview and photo shoot. Yes! He sat on the infamous office loveseat! Yes! He’s met Athena! Yes! He pet the hallowed BaconCat! I’m sure it was a pivotal moment in his life, as it should have been.

I’ve thumbed through the rest of Geek Monthly as well, and perhaps not at all surprisingly, I found it a pretty fun and interesting read, filled with lots of stuff I like to know about. As it happens , it arrived on the same day as the latest issue of Wired, so I suppose if there was every any doubt that I am, in fact, a complete friggin’ dork, those doubts should now be washed away. Hello, I’m a total knob. Nice to meet you.

Krissy just came in and went “Ha!” at that picture with the article, by the way. Figures.

25 Comments on “My Big Geek Two Page Spread”

  1. Great Scott, it’s like someone took bits of Maxim, Slashdot, Computer Gaming World and Boing Boing and mixed them into one unholy publication. I’m not sure how many brown-paper wrappers I would need to hide the shame.

  2. > He pet the hallowed BaconCat!

    But, but…we were told yesterday that the BaconCat was old, and the equivalent of yelling “Freebird!” at a rock concert…

    I t was very sad day indeed, as I won’t have a funny picture to take (with our cat) next to The Last Colony when it shows up. I felt so heartbroken, I couldn’t even post a reply.

    I suppose I’ll have to go buy the magazine anyway. It’s tough being a fan…[sigh].

  3. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang, for rizzle.

    You look like a Russian mafia dude. The look in your eyes says “I have killed as many men as I have gold plated Mercedes! For every top-shelf hooker I have bedded, and enemy of mine lies in the Dnieper River! My dacha is built on a foundation of skulls!”

    Wheew! Does anyone else get high off of Excedrin?

  4. Christian already one-upped my first response, but other than that the picture resembles Lex Luthor or the troll from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Neener neener.

  5. When “The Shield” pulls its Dick York/Dick Sargent-switch, Scalzi’s gonna replace Michael Chiklis.

    And no-one will notice.

  6. Seriously, if John Hentosz came to my house, I would probably still be vibrating. That’s incredibly cool. I am rushing off to the newsstand right now.

  7. I’m curious… on the GeekMonthly website, it gives several titles, then a teaser list of the other articles. I wonder which one you are?

  8. Queenie: My, my. I’ll tell my Uncle John his reputation precedes him. He’s nearly 80, but fit and fiesty and a real sweetheart. And I think he may be between girlfriends. Ever been to Branson?

  9. Patrick Johanneson – Canada, eh – Patrick Johan­neson writes sci­ence fic­tion and fan­tasy, works elbow-deep in WordPress code, teaches judo, and volunteers at a small indie cin­ema. He lives in Man­i­toba with his wife Kathleen.
    Pat J

    Mary Lynn what now?

    [googles]

    Oh, ok, from “24”. Never seen it.

    Dude, you look like a Russian mobster. Not the kind in the suits with the cigars, either. The kind that cuts off fingers with garden shears and breaks kneecaps in back alleys. Yikes.

  10. Salutations and felicitations, John. You still receive ‘Wired’? I canceled my subscription a few years ago after the mag started to resemble one long ad and the contents could be found online, for the most part. . . . Has it gotten better?

  11. Pablo:

    It’s basically the same. You’re paying for the design and the ability to red the articles without waiting for Conde Nast’s online printing schedule.

  12. First glance: I thought the caption bar was a LIGHTSABER and I was thinking wow, John’s an even bigger geek than me.

    Caption contest:

    “NOBODY puts Athena in the corner!”

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