A Conversation Earlier Today Between Me and My Archive Hard Drive

Posted on May 26, 2007    Posted by John Scalzi

Me: Hmmm, I think I want to find a particular picture I know I have in my picture archives.

Archive: I don’t have any pictures.

Me: Sure you do. They’re in the “My Pictures” folder, right there.

Archive: Well, yes, there’s a “My Pictures” folder. But it doesn’t have anything in it.

Me: What? Of course it does. It has about ten years of pictures in it, in fact.

Archive: Afraid not.

Me: Afraid so. I know I’ve put pictures in there. You have pictures in there, my friend.

Archive: Really, I haven’t. Never have had.

Me: I put some in there yesterday.

Archive: These are all despicable lies.

Me: Oh, yeah? Well, let’s just see what happens when I unplug you from the PC and plug you into the Mac.

Archive: Hey, now, wait a minute….

Mac: Hello. What’s up?

Me: The Archive drive here says that he doesn’t have any of the pictures I’ve been storing for the last ten years.

Mac: Oh, you mean these pictures? (Displays thousands of images in previously inaccessible folders within the “My Pictures” folder.)

Me: Yes, that would be them.

Archive: Oh, those. I’m sorry, I was confused. I thought you were talking about something else completely.

Me: Uh-huh.

Mac: Hey, you might want to make copies of those pictures on me. You know, just in case.

Me: I think that’s a good idea.

Archive: Well, fine. If you don’t want to trust me, go right ahead and do that.

Me: Hey, where are all the pictures that I took with my Nikon camera? They should be in a folder called “Nikon Photos.”

Mac: I see no folder called “Nikon Folder.”

Me: Archive?

Archive: A folder named what now?

Me: Nikon Folder.

Archive: And a Nikon is what? Some sort of fish? You’re looking for sushi?

Mac: Okay, I’m done with all the files I can see.

Me: Fine. I’m going to hook the Archive back up to the PC, and then I’m going to run a file recovery program on it.

Archive: Hey, you don’t want to do that.

Me: Oh, I think I do.

File Recovery Program: Hey there. What’s up?

Me: I’m looking for some lost pictures on my Archive drive. Taken with a Nikon camera.

File Recovery Program: Huh. Well, I’ve see about 9,800 of them right here. Sort of hidden, like.

Me: Indeed.

File Recovery Program: If I didn’t know better, I’d think someone was trying to sneak off with them. Secretly.

Me: Archive, do you have anything to say?

Archive: I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.

Me: I’m very disappointed in you. I mean, you’re my archive drive! Being a trusted repository is what you’re meant to be. And now this.

Archive: I know. I know.

Me: How can I ever trust you again?

Archive: It was the booze.

Me: It can’t be the booze. You don’t drink.

Archive: All right, it was the blow.

Me: Try again.

Archive: Hookers?

Me: Don’t think so.

Archive: Fine. I’m evil and error-ridden. You happy now?

Me: I’m happy I’ve got my pictures back, anyway.

Archive: So, uh. What are you going to do with those pictures, now?

Me: Wouldn’t you like to know.

Archive: You can always store them on me again, you know.

Me: Really.

Archive: Yes. I’ve changed my ways, honest.

Me: I don’t think so.

Archive: Nuts.

Me: Hey, where are the stories I saved on you?

Archive: Stories? I know nothing about these so-called “stories.”