Yet Another Creation Museum Update

For everyone who is wondering: Yes, I’m still going to go to the Creation Museum. However, it probably won’t be until November, due to a travel-intensive October (I had a trip to Chicago, and have two other trips this month, to California and to France, respectively). My goal now is to get there before Thanksgiving. Then I can say “Thank God! I am done with the Creation Museum!”

Honestly, however, despite my earlier dread, I am now looking forward to it. And there are some advantages to the delay, namely that as I understand it all the exhibits are finally in. So I’ll have a total religious experience. And that’s what you want, when you go for that sort of thing.

Again, however, apologies for the delay. I didn’t expect trying to get there to take on such epic proportions in itself.

30 Comments on “Yet Another Creation Museum Update”

  1. I just fear they’ll go bankrupt by the time you get there. But, you know, we can always pray they keep their doors open through November.

  2. As a fairly conservative religious person, I must add that I doubt the museum will go bankrupt any time soon. I must also add that the museum insults my intelligence on so many levels, and I wish it would go bankrupt…

    I wouldn’t be surprised to see MORE of the museums sprouting up, much to my disgust.

  3. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang O.C., the Original Changsta

    By the time you get there they will have had advance warning and made a diorama with a T-rex eating a suspiciously Scalzi-head looking coconut.

    By the way, thanks for scaring the cripptiy crap out of me with that frigging coconut crab. That mother was huge! I was convinced one had crawled up out of the ocean and was gonna eat my brains. I’m sure there
    are ones out there in Maine. You seen some of the lobsters they pulled out of there?

  4. Wait long enough, John, and the Rapture will occur and there won’t be any tour guides and you’ll have to figure out whether the man in front of the T. Rex is being chased by the T. Rex or is vainly attempting to lead the T. Rex to safety aboard the ark. Which could be confusing and would make you sad.

  5. It occurs to me that perhaps Scalzi is continually postponing the visit to the Creation Museum because… one of them doesn’t really exist. But which one? I’ve met a person who appears like Scalzi’s description (and who talked like Scalzi writes), but that could have easily been faked. Meanwhile, the Creation Museum itself could be an elaborate ruse concocted clandestinely by Scalzi’s subconscious with the specific purpose of getting even with Scalzi’s conscious mind.

    Or maybe they’re both illusory! It’s all a misdirection created by Karl Rove to keep us occupied while the Theocratic Hordes are prepared to overwhelm North America.
    “Insha Nynee-Levin! Nynee-Levin U Ackbar!”

  6. No, no, no . . . it’s obviously E-vile Forces at work, keeping you away from the museum, because They know that once you visit your Eyes Will Be Opened to the Truth, you will reject all that rational sciency-stuff, and become a Virtuous Warrior in the Army of the Lord. You probably won’t make as good a living writing religous tracts, but at least your soul will be all shiny.

  7. Chang: “I was convinced one had crawled up out of the ocean and was gonna eat my brains.”

    What do you mean, “was”?

  8. On your trips to California and France, aren’t you going to be flying out of CVG (Cincinnati)? The Creation Museum is right near the airport.

  9. You could just, you know, lie about having gone. Then produce some made up “evidence” to support your claim (something like a vegan velociraptor key chain or some such). Then if anybody calls you on it, ask them why they continue to persecute christians.

    I mean, it would be in keeping with the spirit of the “museum.”

  10. John, if I had known you were going to be in Schaumburg this month, the town where I live, I could have given you pointers on where to eat and such, what to do. Dude, you need to give out your itinerary to us a little more quickly. How else can we plan your life for you?

  11. If you hold out until after Thanksgiving, maybe the museum will have its Christmas decorations up. I should like to know if there are dinosaurs poised around the creche or gazing reverently at the big star in the sky, or if Adam and Eve wear Santa hats.

  12. Seeing that my cow-orkers put up signs for an “Answers In Genesis” Creation seminar near-bye, I don’t think those rascaly young-earthers are going anywhere soon.

    An Eric, I’m willing to bet come the Rapture, plenty of these people will still be around. I expect the Left-Behind Authors will be leading overpriced bus-tours of the Aftermath.

  13. “Loosing” faith? Dude, you better your faith on a freaking leash. If you let it wander through my yard, we’re going to be having a talk about how your “loosing faith” led to your “loss of faith”, via my Acme Faith Trap ™. I live in North Pole, noted home of fundy nutjobs*, and have to defend my property on a weekly basis.

    *they’re nice enough neighbors, but having them come and earnestly tell me I’m going to hell has become old.

  14. Two words on the Creation Museum: don’t go.

    All men of accomplishment need to have one monumental, unfinished project to add a touch of humanity to their greatness. Einstein had the Unified Field Theory, Harlan Ellison has the last volume of Dangerous Visions, and George W. Bush has, well, just about everything he’s ever tried to do in his life. Let the Creation Museum be yours.

    One day, if you’re diligent enough in avoiding the place, the phrase “When Scalzi visits the Creation Museum” will replace “When pigs fly.” And that’s something we could all be proud of.

  15. So, seeing as I live in France, may I enquire where in this country you are going? and when? and whether I can buy you lunch/drink/get a book or 3 signed/act like a fanboi etc.?

  16. “No, no. My great unfinished work is my Wagnerian-like opera based on the 70s TV show Manimal.”

    Does this mean you *will* finish the “Rigoletto”-esque opera based on “Three’s Company”?

  17. Alas, because of the spin-off, I can’t get the rights to put in the Ropers. And there’s no point if you can’t have the Ropers. Furley’s just not going to cut it.

  18. Oh come on, the Manimal opera ought to write itself: in the first act, there’s a big song about turning into a hawk and in the second act there’s a lengthy song about turning into a panther.

    In the third act, you just repeat the songs from the first two acts.

    How hard can that be?

    Now, if you were working on an opera based on Automan, that would be different. That little cursor could draw anything. Well… mostly a car and a helicopter. Still….

Exit mobile version