Acquiescing to the Inevitable Requests

Here you go:

Now let us never speak of it again.

20 Comments on “Acquiescing to the Inevitable Requests”

  1. oh heavens is it good to have the Whatever back (I came to this conclusion yesterday, so it’s not just the cat picture. Honest).

    So my question: Is placing a book on the cat one of those consensus-based household decisions that requires consulting your partner in householding, or does that only apply when objects actually get attached to the cat?

  2. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang O.C., the Original Changsta

    Jaysus! Glarlgebargle looks super-pissed…

  3. You forgot to include a Coke Zero can.

    Is it always Her Beauteousness because Lopsided is too smart to ever sit still for these things?

  4. Carol Elaine – Spend my days being creative with acting stuff & cleaning up after animals for money. Spend my evenings cleaning cat puke for free. 'Tis a glamorous life.
    Carol Elaine

    Chang who is not Chang is going to be annoyed that there’s more book than Her Beauteousness.

    Personally I wouldn’t be surprised if the book became shredded book strips after that photo. Sleeping tonight would be ill-advised.

  5. ::facepalms, shakes head::

    What have I done? Thank goodness I finally have my own office again, and I can snort in peace and privacy.

  6. That cat is going to kill you.
    Or vomit in your favorite shoes in the middle of the night.

  7. Man…. last time I saw a cat that pi$$ed, she was wearing a headband that my daughter put on her.

    I warned my daughter not to take that picture…..

    Next thing I know, I’m hearing “MOMMY!!!! MAKE HER STOP!!!!! MAKE HER STOP!!!!!

    The usually even tempered Siamese was doing the booty scratch across her bedspread.

  8. Meh…

    Where is the John Scalzi I once knew and love?

    There used to be TAPE, and bacon, and cats.

    I feel cheated that the book is not taped to the cat. It was never “Bacon Placed On a Cat”, it was TAPED!

  9. O Great Scalzi, what a wonderful picture of The Beauteous Ghlaghghee. Her Beautiful Sapphire Eyes, Her Glowing Inner Radiance softly illuminating Her Burgundy Throne… Is that actually a halo? The Executive Committee believes it is.

    You have made up for your poor offering several days ago. Keep up the good work, and you may yet receive another Seal of Approval Award from The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club.

    The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club

  10. The book looks interesting. Bacon is always interesting. But you’ve got a fluffy, annoyed cat in the picture. If you take the same picture substituting the Wonderful Kodi for the annoyed cat, it would be a happy, bouncy, picture, because dogs like attention and a book about bacon is sort of like having real bacon to eat.

    I shall not speak of smoked cured pork products in conjunction with annoyed fluffy cats again. I can take a hint.

  11. A picture of your cat is always good – with or without bacon. Then again; it’s silly how much pictures of cats can cheer me up.

Exit mobile version
%%footer%%