What I Did With My Saturday

I took care of some delayed business:

Full write-up in the next couple of days. And pictures. Because I took, oh, about five hundred.

53 Comments on “What I Did With My Saturday”

  1. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang O.C., the Original Changsta

    Cool statue of a coconut eater behind you.

  2. lannalee – Westbrook, Maine – Lanna Lee Maheux is a speaker, podcaster, actor, geek, silly person, femme fatale, singer, lover, twit, and recovering Stand-Up Comic. Host of the podcast Lounging with LannaLee. Since 2010 she has co-hosted The Lex and Lanna Show with Alexis Lyon. In 2011 she and her husband Edmund, started their own bi-weekly podcast, The Bureau of Awesome.
    Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn


  3. You better have pictures and a witty account, and possibly an affidavit from your wife–forgive me, but I know how talented you are with Photoshop….

    But seriously: I’m looking forward to reading the writeup.

  4. w00t w00t!

    I’m trying to convince the religion department that they want to give me class credit for making a trip over there. They probably won’t go for it, but there’s only one way to find out…

    I like the new background. It’s all autumny.

  5. I like PixelFish’s idea of the “dino dance.” I imagine it looks like something from thriller, with the hands tucked up near the chin/upper torso.

    [does the dino dance]

    PS – I, too, would like to compliment the new background. Not only is it in season, it also reminds me of the Anabaptists you have living around you there in Ohio and thier quilts.

  6. Anne: Maybe I should video tape it, but it involves putting your hands into tiny claws and scratching feebly at the air while swinging your tail violently.

  7. PixelFish: Sounds good, but give me the TriceraStomp any day — hands to your forehead with index fingers out and slam sidelong into each other until you’re laughing so hard you can’t breath. Or until somebody starts bleeding. Now that’s a man’s dance. Can be combined with the Bronto Boogie.

  8. amandageddon – She is a slacker of the highest order, a geek of not so much, went back to school to become an even bigger geek and possibly get paid for it. She loves it when a plan comes together.

    HAH! Cool. (Finally!) I can’t wait for the write up. I’m anticipating much sarcasm.

  9. You people are going to be surprised when that write-up is pro-creationism.

    Along with the price of admission, they include free ice cream sundaes topped with AquaDots.

    Who knows what really happened there?

  10. Perfect news to cap the best Saturday _evar_. Thank you!

    It’s hard to bate one’s breath and practice the DinoDance and TriceraStomp, but that’s what I’ll be doing in the meantime.


  11. # John Scalzi Says:
    November 10th, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    No. Why would they?

    Well, umm… err… Fort Townsend’s pretty much a hot place for fossil hunters and people who are looking for things that are more than six thousand years old.

  12. coo1b1ue – Vermont – I'm a software engineer within the aerospace industry as well as a father of four (mostly) grown children, one of which served in Iraq (OIF2) as a combat medic.

    Now that that’s out of the way, we can make plans for sending you to the Astrology Museum in Copenhagen, the Witchcraft Museum in Boscastle, and the Alchemy Museum in Kutná Hora.

    But you’re gonna need to raise a lot more money….

  13. EXXX-cellent. *Mr. Burns finger-steeple*

    MWT stole my comment. But I can still do the dino-dance!

    *scratches feebly, swings tale*

  14. Yes, my children, I was pleased to see John go to the Creation Museum and eagerly await his write-up of it.

    Why, do you ask, does the Son of Man want Scalzi’s opinion on the Creation Museum?

    Please. I was there. Right off the bat, I can tell you it took us longer than six days to put the Universe together – I mean spare parts are hard to find, and Gabriel – he’d the one who came up with putting supermassive black holes at the center of galaxies to hold them together because the superglue was putting us over budget – Gabe kept changing the design plans every other day.

    Have you ever tried to get parts for a blue star? Well have you? Those things burn out in less than a billion years, so getting parts from the boneyard’s a bit tough.

    Anyway, the whole “T Rex ate coconuts” thing really chafes my shorts, so I’ve opted to stay home on this one. However, I really do want to see what John thinks. Who knows? Maybe Cincinnati will finally have a tourist attraction. Dad knows we can never get Satan to at least inject some sin and iniquity there. Satan says the place bores the hell out of him, and he’s sick of Delta price gouging him at CVG.

  15. 33: J.C., you’re not familiar with the great works of the former mayor of Cincinnati, are you? Ask your biological father about Jerry Springer some time, and ponder whether that might qualify as “But Cincinnati already had Las Vegas’s share of sin!”

    P.S. I’m not one of your children, either by choice or by ancestry; it’s more like you’re one of my cousins, x-times-removed. Would you please knock off the the claims that we’re all “your” children? It’s almost like you’re trying to compensate for something…

  16. Hee! PixelFish, that was exactly what I imagined! I also like Jeff Hentosz’s description of the TriceraStomp, particularly the laughing so hard you can’t breathe part. :D

  17. 33: JC, didn’t you know that Cincinnati has traditionally kept its vices across the river in Newport, KY? The bars, the strip clubs, and the politicians could all be found there late at night. Of course Satan found te city itself boring. All the fun was across the river.

  18. The son of Zacharias and Elisabeth in the New Testament. John was sent to prepare the people to receive the Messiah (John 1: 19-27).

    Isaiah and others prophesied of John’s mission, (Isa. 40: 3).

    I’m prepared to receive thy message, woohoo (Kelsey 11:07)!

  19. Janiece: MWT stole my comment.

    Did not. It was lying right out there in the open, begging me to take it!

    *does the chicken dance*

  20. WaaaHooo! I can’t tell you how much this tickles me. I await the post with your observations and opinions with bated breath. Such sweet, sweet agony…


  21. Whee! Truly looking forward to the write-up.

    Side note: Did anybody else look at the picture and imagine a couple of hands reaching down to pick up the dino-statue to make it pretend to eat John; while voicing over John by saying “Curse, your sudden but inevitable betrayal”?

  22. “JC, didn’t you know that Cincinnati has traditionally kept its vices across the river in Newport, KY?”

    Yeah, if we get stuck in Cincy together on business, Ol’ Scratch and I will usually hit Bar Louie on the Levee together.

    And John, you’re right. We both caught Jim Winter at the Levee in Starbucks with his laptop. He wasn’t fooling anybody; I don’t care what he says.

    I debated chastising him for either attempting adultery or bearing false witness, but since he wasn’t fooling anyone, I just took it as proof you people need to canonize Chuck Darwin.

    Just as soon as he stops beating me at golf. He’s worse than John Paul I AND II when a sand wedge.

  23. I eagerly await your take on Creation in Covington. Paid a visit this past June while the sod was being laid and the paint was still tacky. Very creepy place. What did you think of the crack security force? Catch the clever interpretation of incest? Did you get to the kiddie side of the exhibit? These are people who definitely need to be “Left Behind.”

  24. Hey, JC: You want to get under Darwin’s skin for a laugh? Next time, tell him you heard he killed a marine iguana while chipping balls off the deck of the Beagle. He didn’t really; he just gave it a nasty whelt, but my second cousin’s father-in-law’s great-great uncle, who was a carpenter’s mate and witness, wrote that that anecdote used to really tick Charlie off.

  25. At last! At last! Mwahahahahahahahahahaahah, and so on.

    JC: What, you never heard of Slartibartfast’s place, “Your Worlds, Inc.”? They sell some amazing DIY planet, star, and nebula kits. There’s a freezer full of comets, and bins by the cashier for meteors, asteroids, and such. Plus, they give away two white mice with every galaxy (coupon required).

  26. Casey: “What, you never heard of Slartibartfast’s place, “Your Worlds, Inc.”? ”

    We tried that and also that Wal-Mart DNA John complained about some time back. Now you know how Genesis, evolution, and entropy combined to cause Andy Dick, most of George HW Bush’s children (Hint: That includes the one living on the ranch), and all oil company executives.

    Oh, and sorry about that heat death thing. We hope to have it resolved in the next release, Universe 3.0. If we get enough requests, we might even bring back Elvis. (Hey, we were big fans long before he was even planned. He’s just that good.)

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