LOLCreashun Finalists and Winners

First, you people made it hard to pick a winner of the LOLCreashun contest. There were too many Coke-through-the-nostrils moments to count. My sinuses hate you all.

That said, here are my finalists:

From Midwinter:

From Cheesegimp:

From Bitfidget:

From Christian:

From Zakur:

From Jp!:

From Hentosz:

From Tzikeh:

Here’s the runner up, from Yuri2356:

And here’s the winner, from Saswann:

Yuri2356 wins the signed paperback edition of The Android’s Dream; Saswann the signed, limited edition of The Ghost Brigades. Congratulations to you both! Now, e-mail me from the same e-mail addresses you used to register at Whateveresque with your mailing information, and I’ll pop these right out in the mail to you. I’ve already got the padded envelopes and everything.

Thank you to everyone who played along. I think this was the most fun Whatever contest evar. We’ll have to do another one soon.

68 Comments on “LOLCreashun Finalists and Winners”

  1. The problem with doing another great contest is finding such a target rich environment with lots o’ great pictures to choose from. I mean, if one wanted to do an LOLContest of, say, U.S. Presidential candidates, with something like 350 days before the election, where would one find any candidates?

    Dr. Phil

  2. What! I can’t believe……….

    Oh, wait, those are pretty good!

    Congrats Yuri2356 & Saswann!

    Thanks everyone else for the great laughs!

  3. Hmm… I see John did not locally copy his photos. Opportunity for a bitter honorable mention to goatse

    Just call me the serpent in the tree. Tempt you I shall. :)

  4. Excellent choices. My favorite among non-winners/non-mentioned is Pixelfish’s “Raptor, Raptor, Raptor, Mushroom”.

    And you guys all know, we’d have more fun contests like this if A.) Krissy was willing to go to the Post Office every other day, or B.) John was willing to go there himself. One of you needs to cater to our whimsy more.

    Just sayin’.

  5. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang O.C., by any means necessary

    Christian’s kills me every time I see it.

  6. > Christian’s kills me every time I see it.

    Thanks. I started a second one, and my wife happened to glance over at my computer monitor during the creation process. Her comment was “Oh gosh, you’re not going to post THAT, are you?”

    You’ll just have to imagine what you missed (and John would have had to ban me anyways). Hee.

    Grats to Yuri & Saswann!

  7. Well jeez, now I feel all warm and fuzzy (though that might just be the flames of hell I’m feeling) address info is on it’s way.

    Of all the ones I did, “Logic” was my personal favorite.

    Most of the Martin Luther ones were pure gold:
    “oh hai, ur doing it wrong”
    “no you can’t has indulgences, not yrs”
    “oh hai, i reformed ur church”

    Other ones I liked that didn’t make it into the finals:
    “oh hai galacktus, i haz prezent”
    “god has a flavr”
    “ceiling cat is watching you fatricide”
    “And teh LORD gave unto them some awesome hash. . .”

  8. I think I announced my favs in the Whatevereque, but at least two of them made it to finalist–Henstoz’s Style Sheets, and CheeseGimp’s Invisible Accordian. I kinda also wanted the Bumper Stickers on the Ark to place as well.

    Nathan: Glad you liked Raptor Raptor Raptor. (That one took the longest, I think, of all mine.) I think it works best if you are running Badger Badger Badger in the background….

  9. My favorite was the style sheet (Hentosz, you rock!), but I’m glad to see Invisible Accordion on here, too. I also really liked “LOGIC: You’re Doing It Wrong.”

    Perhaps my favorite of the ones not listed here was “Tax exempt status / I has it” which was funny in that ouch-oh-god way. Also, the Darwin sticker on the arc.

    That was lots of fun!

  10. Is it now time to post our, “Too tasteless for the contest” entries?

  11. Besides several mentioned above (and including PixelFish’s Mt. Fuji series, which classed up the joint when it was most needed ;-P), one I ‘specially kept chuckling over was “Invisible Tony Hawk,” by bitfidget. Completely right, visually, and completely silly. I imagined Noah’s sons — in robes and sandals — doing kickflips through the Ark aviary to keep from going crazy.

    Great stuff, everybody. *high fives* *downs* *bumps* And thanks!

    Christian, re your self-censorship: I believe a linky with an NSFW label is in order?

  12. Jeff: I’m sorry for spelling your name wrong earlier. I thought I had it right. Shoulda double checked. (Glad you liked the Fuji series.)

  13. I was amazed by the imagination of some of the entries. That was a well-deserved win for Saswann.

    Aside: I’m glad you like the “Wait, somwun is coming” one, Jason. It was one of mine :-D

    The best thing about this competition is that it made me stop lurking in the Whateveresque (my default habit) and actually post something again. I’ll have to keep that up, even if all I do is photoshop another board game for the OMW universe.

  14. I just came here for the laughs, and got a little bit more. Wonderfull. : )

    I loved most of the harp ones, and those with the wireframe-dino that was trying to hide/escape. The museum is funny enough on its own, but when it gets fed through the power of the internet the result is concentrated win.

    Cheers to all!

  15. So who’s going to travel to Kentuck’ and tape LOLDinos all over the museum?

    Properly framed, the “Logic” one might go unnoticed for a while. TeeHeeHee.

  16. Those were great. All the finalists richly earned their spots, and most of the others were contendas too. Besides the ones already mentioned, I liked the diorama with Titanic quotes, “You forgot about Caterday!”, “Invisible Cow” (and most of the Dead Abel ones, in fact), and, um, the ones I did. No sour grapes of wrath from me, though, because the winners deserved their winnings like we loyal readers of Whatever deserved a Scalzi write-up of the Creashun museum. Congratulations to all!

  17. I have to admit I was a bit jealous that John got so many entrants for his contest while I got so few for mine (

    But then I did the math. John got 275 entries with 25,000 visitors per day, and I got one entry with ~100 visitors per day. Same ratio. It’s not because people don’t want my book at all. It’s just a matter of blog traffic. And I’m not posting this here to increase my blog traffic. Not at all. But there is a free signed book in it if any of y’all click over. Just saying.

    I’m thinking about offering one of my books to my favorite entry in John’s contest. Would that be tacky?

  18. Great entries, all! I would never have been able to decide. Of the winning ones, the eyebeams was my favourite, or maybe the Biblecode one.

    And Yuri2356 liked mine, and mentioned it in comments. Yay! Made my day!

  19. John – you must have gotten a ton of traffic from this. I Googled the phrase: “Scalzi Creation” and got several thousand hits in response.

    Curious to know – did you get any choice hate-mail? If so, any of it funny? Inquiring minds want to know.

  20. Christian:

    Surprisingly little hate mail, actually. Although I did get to e-mail someone the following message:

    “The immense stupid in your e-mail hurt to read.”

    So that was fun.

  21. It was a wonderful few days – I loved arriving at work and sneaking peeks at the new entries. Although ‘sneaking’ doesn’t really describe anything involved that much guffawing.

    “Mordor” and the ‘Does the Bible explain dinosaurs? No” (both versions) would make awesome posters.

  22. “The immense stupid in your e-mail hurt to read.”

    Oo. I bet you end up on the email lists of some of the people who send their LONG INCOHERENT RANTING to PZ @ Pharyngula.

  23. John,

    You sold yourself short.

    “I’m in yur Museum, Messing with yur Horses**T” should have won.

  24. Hurrrm. Tough choice for my favorite. I like Yuri’s Tungsten Carbide drill add on the wall o’ shame, and the darwin fish on the back of the ark. But for my winner I have to go with PixelFish’s “In Case of Flood, use Exit” entry from the first page.

    PixelFish, if you are interested in a free signed copy of RADIO FREEFALL, skip over to my blog and make a comment or send me an e-mail at m.jarpe AT!

    Congratulations, you won a coattails contest that wasn’t tacky at all.

  25. boltgirl – I like hats and keep 'em stacked up on my bedpost. The ones I wear most frequently are mom, partner, archaeologist, washed-up creaky-kneed jock, accident-prone carpenter, amateur musician, failed gardener, beer lover, mad book collector, hopeless Cubs fan, expat midwesterner, dirt-grubbin' tree hugger, bird watcher, and fairly apparent lesbian.

    Excellent choice of winners. And for the also-rans, I’m still giggling over MY HERBIVORE MOLARS – LET ME SHOW U THEM.

  26. spacejock – Simon Haynes is the author of four Hal Spacejock novels, a number of articles on writing and publishing, and several short stories, one of which collected an Aurealis Award in 2001. He divides his time between writing fiction and computer software, with the occasional round of golf thrown in for a laugh. Born in the UK and raised in the south of Spain, Simon emigrated to Australia with his family in 1983. He's a founding member of Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine, and lives in Perth with his wife and two children.
    Simon Haynes

    This wasn’t for the lolcreation contest but I do have a lolcatz featuring a snake, which has to be somewhat on-topic:

  27. The announced winner was quite amusing, but the contest specified lolcats style. ‘Ephesians’ nailed it; it is the true winner.

  28. The only one that struck me as coke-out-your-nose funny was, “Doodz hold up, I’z about to pop a wheelee.” I don’t know why.

  29. I agree that made every day slightly brighter, being able to look for new LOLasaurs. Yay for happy!

    But my personal favorite was the dinosaur yelling at the truck for burning his grandmother, with invisible accordion a close second.

    So additional thanks to everyone for making me week that much happier.

    And thanks to Mr. Scalzi for suffering so much for our happiness.

  30. Good thing you targeted Christians with your visual satire. They are such an easy group to lampoon, no one ever cares, its easy to be christophobic and get away with it. Just imagine if you had actually pushed the boundries of free speech, and tried lampooning homosexuals, or Musslims, then you’d really appreciate freedom of speech. But alas, no, it is best to take the safe road and whip the easy target some more.

  31. Oh look, yet another fly-by commenter confusing Christianity with creationism and spewing bad logic thereby! Wow, haven’t seen that before.

    Carl, please wipe yourself down with hand sanitizer before you comment again. I don’t want other people here to catch Teh Stoopid from you.

  32. Oh dear – you really do think that christians in America are a persecuted minority rather than the majority power bloc, don’t you, Carl?

    Without presuming to speak for either John or other posters, please note that christians as people haven’t been targetted here, rather an idea held by many cultures – creationism. The fact that the idea in question is held by some christians is irrelevant except insofar as christians holding this idea in America are powerful enough to get a $27million museum built, and insofar that the museum in question is a powerful monument to the power of human capacity to twist and abuse knowledge to support received ideas instead of questioning them.

    Except by me. I just took the piss out of St Paul for the hell of it.

  33. Nah, pay the fearmongers no mind. Christian *should be* a terrified minority.

    I think the Romans had it right, and time to start throwing ’em to the lions again.

  34. Musslims?
    They worship shellfish, right?
    I get the feeling that Carl didn’t even bother thinking about the LOLisms he’s so upset about. Only a few of them went out of their way to skewer Creationism per se. I mean, was “invisible tony hawk” offensive to anyone? “invisible accordion”? And anyone who doesn’t find the “ephesians” one funny just don’t have a sense of humor.

  35. I liked the logic and the mordor one. Of the nonfinalists, I think my favorites were the one about burning your grandmas and the one about Adam and upgrading your ram. But they were all really funny.

  36. I think we are the ones who won, getting to see all of them.

    I see that the next contest is something about bivalves–are the entrants supposed to supply their own base images? LOLcats again?

  37. Linked. Best laugh this creationism-despising conservative Christian has had lately.

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