Everything’s Better With Massive, Heart-Defibriliating Drums


Soulja Boy Tell Em’s “Crank That” without massive drums: Cromulent.

Soulja Boy Tell Em’s “Crank That” with massive drums, courtesy of Travis Barker: F’n awesome:

Thank you, class dismissed.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

43 replies on “Everything’s Better With Massive, Heart-Defibriliating Drums”

I think I’d hold off on calling it cromulent. I’m sure it’s an entirely wonderful example of modern music, but I’m with Dan. Not my thing.

That said, the original premise, that heart-defibriliating drums make any music better, is entirely true. One of the finest examples of a fantastic drumline is from the second verse to Ringfinger by NIN. It’s easily my favorite – very much like a heartbeat.

Guess Travis Barker really wasn’t dead.

He was just upping the suck factor on that song.

I wasn’t the biggest fan of blink-182, Mr. Barker’s former band (although their last album before they broke up was surprisingly mature for the eternally adolescent trio), but I’ve always enjoyed Travis’ wildly inventive drumming.

It’s impressive to see what he does with such a scaled-down drum set. Thanks, John. That certainly helped burn off some post-Thanksgiving calories!


I see your “Sailing” and raise you a “Sunshine.”



Consider this a warning.

You’ll want to stop now while I’m ahead.

And next won’t be Hazy Fantayzy, either.

SO much for being able to edit my comments.

Here is my first salvo.

And the WMD of annoying songs…

Don’t maake me roll out the bratz,

Oooh, snowflakes.

Tooling with the site instead of admitting defeat. Hehe.

S’okay, Dan. You can buy me and Scalzi sasparilla.

Drums good. Song bad(Or at least not my style. I assume for the style that it is, it is considered good and I can respect that.)

I like how it looks like he is holding two sticks in each hand at times.

And for my own safety, I am not clicking on those links in the comments.

I’m with Patrick M. on this one… the drumming is gutundteit, but the underlying song is, well, fecal.

As for the (alleged) Tunes of Great Suckage which others have suggested: I have not yet listened to all of them, but have already eliminated the works of Bobby, John, George and Katrina from consideration – none of these, IMNSHO, begin to plumb the depths of suck when compared to the cromulent tune which began this thread. Merciful Ghod, were I to listen to Crank That a few more times, even the pablum droolings of Chris Cross would begin to appeal…

Dr. Phil, this is for you .. share and enjoy:
Walking On Sunshine Katrina and The Waves

That drumtastic version is more of a “religious” occurrence than anything I saw in the Creation Museum piece.

It might even overcome the tryptophan and get me up and moving today.

Miko: The song was… chunderous. The guitar solo made me sad – so much grandstanding, so little… well… music.

The video reminded me of my childhood, where I would really get into the hairband tunes of the day — until I SAW them for the first time.

That guy’s hair COULDN’T have been real.. could it?

An excellent demonstration of what happens when you add a real musician to rap or whatever the hell the original was.

Still doesn’t fix it, but the drums utterly overwhelm what little else there is.

Oh, and “WMD of annoying songs”? Bobby Goldsboro’s “Honey” At the very least, a toxic spill of schmaltz.

Ooh, Christopher — many thanks! I blogged about the happiest 1980s pop video e-vah here. I obviously didn’t dig down deep enough in YouTube — finding only covers by others and anime cut videos. (grin)

And in case anything thinks I’m joking, I included mention of Katrina and the Waves – Walking on Sunshine because of the Sunshine connection. I am not putting it up as an annoying song.

Your mileage will vary. Carry on — nothing to see here.

Dr. Phil


Anybody up for: The Who In Cincinnati?

There’s a guy who suspiciously looks like John Scalzi at 5:01

Christian – I believe you misspelled “a passel of idiots and poor crowd management in Cincinnatti” in the sentence above. Please to reserve the Who-dissing for when it’s appropriate?

Has anyone besides Christian been able to view this? Not that I care to see frenzied consumerism in all its stunning shades of ugly, but: a) I’d like to see their faces, in case I ever encounter them; b) not being able to access it gets me p*ssed off. (Hint: neither a browser nor an OS be teh problem.)

Perhaps it’s a case of “Tens of ThousnadsThousands of Intartubes Surfers Smush Server in Boise”?

Scalzi you disappoint me. If you want a rap song with overwhelming, defibrillator drums, you need to root out Oukast’s B.O.B. Here it is on youtube in case you forgot. For those of y’all that find all that rapping a little too harsh and you know young, forward it to 3:00 and get your crunk on!

Holy goats that was awesome.

I know nothing about the technical aspects of music, and rap generally leaves me cold. I know what I like though, and I liked that.

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