Posted on November 27, 2007
Posted by John Scalzi
If I wanted to use guest bloggers in the next few weeks I would have mentioned it. Stop volunteering, please.
Can you blame them? They want a ScalziEffect. :)
Eh. Sorry, that anonymous was me.
But Joooohn!! All I ever wanted was to be the blogger’s pet!!! You said I could pound the erasers after class!!! Oh, wait, did I mean run the filmstrips? Oh jeebus. I’ll never get this toady bidness right. Hmm. Voluntoadys: the folks who always raise their hands and volunteer in a sort of bum smoochery way . . . .
The Pentagon denies Scalzi is over-tasked. “Nowhere near the breaking point,” say top officials, “We’re not seriously considering a blogger draft at this point, though additional call-ups of the zombie-Scalzi reserves may be necessary…”
Does this mean you’re not going to invite John Boner- er, um, Boehner – to guest blog?
Wait, there was a volunteer assault on the Fortress of Scalzitude, and I wasn’t invited? Bastards!
News reports of the overthrow of the Scalzi reign in The Whatever are being strenuously denied by the Scalzi Administration. “We have not asked for guest bloggers during this time of deadlines,” a spokesman said. “We do not need guest bloggers. Mr. Scalzi will have plenty of time for Photoshoppery and cat waxing in the next few weeks. Next question?” Long-time Whatever commenters polled a decidedly mixed reaction, with 16% figuring Mr. Scalzi is overtaxed with the deadlines and needs help, 32% assuming all will be all right, 43% positive that Mr. Scalzi will do something radically unusual in the next ten days and 9% complaining that they only now have figured out what their LOLCreation entry should be. However, a clear majority, 55%, favor anarchy in any form, should it arrive at The Whatever.
Film at eleven.
Photoshoppery, photoshoppery, photoshoppery. What’s with all these words, John? Book deadlines means photoshop, article deadlines mean lengthy and prolific manifestos. I mean, I’ve only been here a short time, but even *I* know this.
Amen, and word to my brother Bucheit!
And now what am I gonna do with the new guest blogging hat I bought? Damn.
Are you still looking for guest bloggers?
What about gatecrashing, not-invited bloggers?
Damn. Now I’ve got to volunteer just so I don’t feel left out.
Dear John: if you pick me as a guest blogger I will write posts about 733+ness and illicit ferret-love.
Da Nile is a river in Egypt.
You really wanted a guest author in order to finish all those pending writing contracts…
Yo, word back at ya, Changsta. You look dashing in that hat, BTW.
Steve, I believe your name has too many H’s to be pronounceable. Please limit or space your H’s appropriately in the future.
The Whatever readership is in for a marvelous treat, as the Executive Committee of The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club has graciously accepted Scalzi’s guest blogging invitation.
The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club
Quoted from John’s Administrivia:
If you are interested in commissioning…work from me, please e-mails me and tell me who you are, the magazine or anthology you represent, and the general topic and length of the proposed story, and your payment rates.
I appreciate your interest in having me guest blog here. Please contact my agent to negotiate appropriate fee.
I will blog, My son. After all, I’ve been looking for an outlet to blog about my NFL picks.
Plus, I have an in with L. Ron Hubbard if you want to keep it science fictionie and stuff.
In fact, we bought the rights to show BATTLEFIELD EARTH in Hell as a Christmas present for Satan last year. Every time Jerry Falwell’s eyes bleed from watching it, a demon gets his wings. We haven’t seen Old Scratch this happy since Nixon died.
(As an aside, Andy Dick, if you’re reading this, Satan’s booked you for New Year’s Eve. Get your affairs in order.)
Anyway, Ron’s an SF writer, just not very good. He’s no Ken Ham, you know.
Taunting the tauntable since 1998
John Scalzi, proprietor – JS
Athena Scalzi, contributor – AMS
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