Categories
Uncategorized

Without a Doubt, the Very Sexiest Picture I Have Ever Taken in My Entire Life

Honestly, it’s a shame I’m married, because I would so totally be reeling in the supermodels with this picture. I think I’ll use it for my next author photo. Krissy will just have to understand.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

51 replies on “Without a Doubt, the Very Sexiest Picture I Have Ever Taken in My Entire Life”

The eyes are creepy. Uber-creepy. ::shudder::

It’s like you’re looking off screen at your puppet-master who is telling you to use your jazz hands, and if you don’t he’ll flog you.

The whole thing is creepy.

# Dave Says:
December 8th, 2007 at 2:38 pm

I thought the rule was no bizarre and twisted photoshoppery until after the deadline.

Well, in Scalzi’s defense, Dave, this isn’t exactly twisted photoshoppery. This is more like “OMG! I just won a new motor-home on The Price is Right!”

Well, in Scalzi’s defense, Dave, this isn’t exactly twisted photoshoppery.

No, look at it again. The shadows are all wrong, and the skin shows clear signs on being subtly but horribly highlighted. It’s a total photoshoppery.

I can see where the horns have been removed, and there’s definitely some JPEG artefacts around the gum line. The whole thing is terribly disturbing, especially after the Creation Museum episode. There’s obviously no evolutionary or environmental niche that this fabrication could exist in. Damn it all, you’ve made me an aatheist!!

“C’mere kitty. Look, I’m not holding anything. I just wanna get a new picture of you. Here, kitty, kitty. Aw, C’mon. why would you think you need to hide under the couch.”

The look on your face reminds me of the expression on The Dude’s face during the Busby Berkeley dream-sequence in The Big Lebowski, as he’s sliding down a bowling lane looking up the skirts of a dozen leggy dancers. Accordingly, John, since I have to assume this photo was taken in a mirror, I have to admit I’m a little concerned about the effect you’re having on yourself, but okay. I guess I’ll put it down to having a healthy self-image.

You look like a gay, botoxed-up Bud York.

The shirt’s cool, though!

I am skeptical about the word “sexy” as a description of the picture. Looks more like shocked that one little candle caught the whole Christmas tree on fire.

That photo screams to be reproduced as a life-sized, cardboard stand-up and placed in your living room as a conversation piece. I mean, you’re missing the legs, but they shouldn’t be too hard to photoshop in.

An even better idea? Make the stand-up scream or carry on conversations.

“The ‘Farting Rainbows’ group has a certain ring to it…”

And so it came to pass, upon reading comment #47, that secret Scalzi fan Thom Yorke grabbed the phone to inform his bandmates that he had a new name for Radiohead’s current tour….

Comments are closed.

Exit mobile version