Without a Doubt, the Very Sexiest Picture I Have Ever Taken in My Entire Life

Honestly, it’s a shame I’m married, because I would so totally be reeling in the supermodels with this picture. I think I’ll use it for my next author photo. Krissy will just have to understand.

51 Comments on “Without a Doubt, the Very Sexiest Picture I Have Ever Taken in My Entire Life”

  1. I still haven’t gotten that waterproof keyboard.

    Damn you, Scalzi!

    Although, I guess now I need to get a new one, so might as well make it waterproof. So I guess I should also say thanks.

  2. Whoa! It looks like you shaved. Does this mean you’ve met your deadlines, and The High Castle is finished?

  3. The eyes are creepy. Uber-creepy. ::shudder::

    It’s like you’re looking off screen at your puppet-master who is telling you to use your jazz hands, and if you don’t he’ll flog you.

    The whole thing is creepy.

  4. # Dave Says:
    December 8th, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    I thought the rule was no bizarre and twisted photoshoppery until after the deadline.

    Well, in Scalzi’s defense, Dave, this isn’t exactly twisted photoshoppery. This is more like “OMG! I just won a new motor-home on The Price is Right!”

  5. Well, in Scalzi’s defense, Dave, this isn’t exactly twisted photoshoppery.

    No, look at it again. The shadows are all wrong, and the skin shows clear signs on being subtly but horribly highlighted. It’s a total photoshoppery.

  6. Legions, we must rescue our Uber-Geek from the Dork-o-Morphs. Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

    I’m with you, Nathan. My Stun-Gun of Cool is at the ready!

  7. I can see where the horns have been removed, and there’s definitely some JPEG artefacts around the gum line. The whole thing is terribly disturbing, especially after the Creation Museum episode. There’s obviously no evolutionary or environmental niche that this fabrication could exist in. Damn it all, you’ve made me an aatheist!!

  8. And I still think the “Hot Scalzi” award goes the picture where it looks like he has to wash himself with a rag on a stick. This looks more like birth control by photoshop.

  9. “C’mere kitty. Look, I’m not holding anything. I just wanna get a new picture of you. Here, kitty, kitty. Aw, C’mon. why would you think you need to hide under the couch.”

  10. The look on your face reminds me of the expression on The Dude’s face during the Busby Berkeley dream-sequence in The Big Lebowski, as he’s sliding down a bowling lane looking up the skirts of a dozen leggy dancers. Accordingly, John, since I have to assume this photo was taken in a mirror, I have to admit I’m a little concerned about the effect you’re having on yourself, but okay. I guess I’ll put it down to having a healthy self-image.

  11. I wonder if Scalzi looks like this every time he sees himself in a mirror?

    It’s like he’s awfully happy to see himself… Almost a little too happy.

  12. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang who is Chang but is Not not chang

    You look like a gay, botoxed-up Bud York.

    The shirt’s cool, though!

  13. Back away from the spray tan dude. There’s still hope for you since you don’t have trout lips or a bad weave, yet.

  14. I am skeptical about the word “sexy” as a description of the picture. Looks more like shocked that one little candle caught the whole Christmas tree on fire.

  15. I always fall for the short, orange, fuzzy looking type.

    My husband will just have to understand. Tall, dark and good-looking just isn’t enough.

  16. That photo screams to be reproduced as a life-sized, cardboard stand-up and placed in your living room as a conversation piece. I mean, you’re missing the legs, but they shouldn’t be too hard to photoshop in.

    An even better idea? Make the stand-up scream or carry on conversations.

  17. Funny you should mention the author pic. I actually prepped new files for a reprint of The Ghost Brigades in mass market this past week . . . . But it’s not off to the printers yet, so you just say the word, and we’ll dress it up all sexy and farty-rainbow-like.

  18. I would so totally be reeling in the supermodels

    I do think “reeling” is the operative verb here. As in keeling over.

    Those poor supermodels.

  19. It’s good that you have a career as a t-shirt model to fall back on, in case this writing thing doesn’t work out.

  20. I am proud of my Oompa Loompa heritage, and I’ll thank you not to mock it

    Oompa Loompa? I thought this was your Ernie costume. I guess the cat gets to be Bert?

  21. Well, my shirt shipped this weekend, so I’m looking forward to it shortly.

    Say, have you started a Flickr group for this shirt yet? The “Farting Rainbows” group has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?

  22. “The ‘Farting Rainbows’ group has a certain ring to it…”

    And so it came to pass, upon reading comment #47, that secret Scalzi fan Thom Yorke grabbed the phone to inform his bandmates that he had a new name for Radiohead’s current tour….

  23. CosmicDog beat me to it. Of course, I’m several days late to Scalzi’s party… Still, Shaun of the Dead, anyone?

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