And Now, The “After” Photo

Oh, yes. Krissy has been here.

Her comment: “Make sure you post a picture of how it looks now.” Done.

Have I mentioned my wife is made of awesome? Well, she is.

58 Comments on “And Now, The “After” Photo”

  1. We have looked and looked but have failed to find The Beauteous Ghlaghghee in this picture. Is it possible Krissy has inadvertently packed Her in one of the boxes?

    The Concerned Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club

  2. It’s good you don’t use that spell to invoke the Goddess of clean often or it’s usefulness would run out…Bad boy, John, but I guess it worked.

  3. Did you take that photo from atop a rickety stack of bookslosion where the loveseat used to be?

    And how will you manage without the Coke Zero?

  4. Chang/not Chang:

    Ghlaghghee is fine.

    Dan Bailey:

    Clearly, if I can’t find it, I don’t need it.

    Clay:

    Coke Zero is in the mini-fridge, under the desk.

    KWF:

    Those are convention badges.

  5. Have I mentioned my wife is made of awesome?

    That the results are achieved with you still able to type and still saying nice things about Krissy says all that and then some. Confirmed by the con badges still being decoratively draped, and not summarily subjected to “neat” standards and/or exile. :-)

  6. I hope Krissy’s organization mojo can travel through the tubes, ’cause I’m about to attempt to clean up my own office before heading out for New Year’s festivities. I’ve got three hours. Pray for me.

  7. Sara:

    She did it. My definition of “clean” and hers are two entirely separate things, and me doing it would involve getting to my level, and then just moving stuff around in the hope that some random configuration of objects would satisfy her. Which it never would.

  8. Somebody has earned a big bunch of flowers. Not flowers from the neighbors garden either. From an actual florist. The best thing about women is the fact that they put up with us men. PS Did she just shake her head when she found out you shared that photo with the masses?

  9. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    SLT (Chang O.C.'s Kid) who is almost 9

    I for one welcome our tidying overlords.

    I bow in deference to the might of Krissy Scalzi getting her clean on.

  10. lannalee – Westbrook, Maine – Lanna Lee Maheux is a speaker, podcaster, actor, geek, silly person, femme fatale, singer, lover, twit, and recovering Stand-Up Comic. Host of the podcast Lounging with LannaLee. Since 2010 she has co-hosted The Lex and Lanna Show with Alexis Lyon. In 2011 she and her husband Edmund, started their own bi-weekly podcast, The Bureau of Awesome.
    Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn

    My guess is that Krissy is magic. Wow.

  11. If she ever gets bored with The Other Job, she could seriously do that full time. And I bet folks would pay her a lot of money.

    Of course, being a Freelance Crap Organizer isn’t as stable as a 9 to 5, so that’s probably right out. But just in case.

  12. That picture (well, the combination of the before and after) just made me exclaim to my best friend and office mate (the same person — yes, I am that lucky), “I NEEEEEEED John Scalzi’s wife!!!” That got me a weird look, I can tell you. Anyway, you are a lucky man, Mr. Scalzi. And you happen to be willing to lend Krissy out, I pay nicely in cookies and cake.

  13. I think Scalzi just described my cleaning theory completely and pithily in comment #16. He should do this writing stuff professionally. He’s got potential.

  14. Yesterday, I came home from work and Evil Rob had cleaned. And vacuumed. And while there’s still stuff on the coffee table, that is Made Of Win.

  15. Martyn Taylor – Northumberland – A writer exploring what lies beyond our peripheral vision. Published by various small presses and now considered to be nearly a Proper Author. Can be found lurking around the frozen North of England, happily herding a small family of recalcitrant adults who may once have been children and a woman who may very well be the fulcrum upon which the universe turns. Available for hire for very reasonable prices.
    martyn44

    My study looks like that too!

    Underneath the mess.

    You know what I’m going to have to do tomorrow, don’t you.

  16. HOLY HECK! Forget making extra money by putting ads on the site, just rent out your wifes freakishly amazing cleaning skills.

  17. I envy your wife’s organizational abilities. I would kill to be able to make my room look like that. It seems like a large volume of stuff is just plain missing, though. Did she throw it out, find another place for it, or vaporize it into thin air?

  18. Krissy is simply too good to be an unmodified human. She is the prototype from which the paler character of Jane Sagan was sketched, and her person comprises an arsenal of Weapons of Mess Destruction.

    BTW, the brightened /\ /\ on the carpet in front of the drummer’s stool(?) is a nice touch. Reflection, or did Krissy sign her work?

    M: The Mark of Mess Destruction

  19. I bow down before Krissy. I can clean and organize, but I’ve got nothing on those mad skilz. Plus, you should have taken “during” shots as we did a couple years ago when we helped my Dad clean his office at work.

    Just out of curiosity, were you allowed in the room while she was working?

  20. How much does she charge for housecalls? And is your brain this organized now? I need my brain straightened out more than my desk.

  21. Krissy’s miraculous ability to clean the national disaster area that was your office proves that there is a God. I know who needs to be the next head of FEMA.

  22. She is indeed! Now, how quickly will your wife be collecting your life insurance money? Assuming of course that the room devolves to it’s previous state. Or is it ‘turn over a new leaf’ time?

  23. I am proud of myself for correctly guessing the answers to 3 of the 4 questions that you answered in post #6. (I failed on the cant find it / don’t need it theory).

    Can we play some more? If so, then:

    A) Is that a baseball on top o’ the computer? Autographed by someone or caught at a MLB game or sumthin?

    #2) almost everything showing in the after picture was already there, just underneath the other stuff that is now absent. Did all that other stuff get scrambled into individual molecules a la Mike TV and miniaturized into the desk drawer?

    3) With Chris Hawley’s question (#36): is that M on the carpet a reflection from the throne? OR, tiny carpet crop circles created by some of the more mischievous of the molecules who escaped?

  24. I’d call Photoshop, except that it would take almost more work to magic it clean in the computer than it would in real life.

    Still, I see pixels…

  25. Ok, lurkers and commentors, how many of us opened a 2nd browser window to put the two pics side by side? Highlights For Kids magazine trained us for this excercise. Luckily, John was nice enough to take the 2nd photo from very close to the same exact angle. Thanks for that, John.

    Who knows what ARE those two white things, possibly in plastic bags, on the right edge of the before pic (almost halfway up the right side o the photo)???

  26. Is that a Microsoft 4000 keyboard (or wireless version)? It’s what I use, I’m just curios

  27. I think your wife is made of something far more powerful than awesome. She literally has done the work of twenty men… in a day… with you around in the house.

    That should put her on the fast track to sainthood.

    By the way, my girlfriend’s idea of cleaning my messy office is roughly akin to holding a gun to my head and saying coldly “clean, now.”

  28. #48 Juan Herrera said:
    ]Ok, lurkers and commentors, how many of us opened a 2nd
    ]browser window to put the two pics side by side?
    xv (image viewer/enhancer), both for B/A comparison and to clarify the cover of book atop ToBeRead stack.

    ]Who knows what ARE those two white things, possibly in plastic ]bags, on the right edge of the before pic (almost halfway up the
    ]right side o the photo)???
    *stumped* *fx type="music" tune="Jeopardy theme"*
    *scribbles* */fx*

    What are faces absent from Mt. Rushmore of S. Clemens & D. Webster?
    *fx type="sound" name="audience-groan"/*

    Seriously, they do look like face sculptures, especially after histogram correction is applied. And, unless my eyes are completely shot, there are three variant frames of The Sexiest Picture Ever Taken stuffed into the picture frame/noteboard in the lower right corner.

    May the new year – 2008 Edition, brought to you by BaconCat – be Scalzirific for all of you!

  29. That’s, uh, interesting logic there, John. I can’t find my descending aorta (unless I want to dig for it), but I clearly need it.

  30. Kelly Sedinger – Buffalo, NY, USA – I write by night and work with hand and power tools by day...I have unhealthy obsessions with books, movies, music, food, and bib overalls. I live with my wonderful family (brilliant wife, brilliant kid, three lovable but dumb-as-post cats) near Buffalo, NY.
    Jaquandor

    Wow. You were so disorganized that you kept buying multiple copies of the same book! Nice of her to stack all those up for you, although she might have asked why it is you keep purchasing copies of that one with the sky-blue cover. Yeesh.

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