Temp Cat™ Yearns for the Bennies
Posted on January 10, 2008 Posted by John Scalzi 60 Comments
With the exception of the three or four hours he spent up a tree yesterday, chased there by Kodi after he foolishly ran away from her, thus triggering her hunting reflex, Temp Cat™ is doing fine, as you can see. We still need to canvass the neighborhood to see if anyone’s missing him, but I believe Krissy has already scheduled a vet trip for him for shots, deworming and possible detestefying. I say “possible” because Krissy seems to think he’s been previously snipped; I rather think it’s that he’s not yet hit cat puberty. Either way, we’ll find out. And naturally once we’ve paid for his emasculation, then we own him, because if you’re going to take someone’s balls from him, you pretty much owe him lifetime support.
And no, before someone asks, “Temp Cat™” is not his name, it’s his current condition. Should the owner location project fail, and post shots and snippery, he will be put on staff at the Scalzi Compound and given a name. Personally I think his name is Robert Paulson, but that’s probably too obscure to amuse anyone but me. Anyway, Krissy has declared she has naming rights this time, and when you consider the fact the other two cats are named Ghlaghghee and Lopsided Cat, this is probably for the best.
In any event, off to writing. If I don’t finish this chapter today, I will have to put my head in the garbage disposal. It’ll be a while before I’m back. Try to amuse yourself somehow.
Also, before anyone notes it: Yes, that’s a bacon wallet package in my “in” box. A gift from a friend. I’m waiting for just the right occasion to use it.
Apropos of nothing: Does it concern you that the mossy tangle of plastic coated convention badges dangling from your lampshade might melt/catch fire/burn the house down? Just a stray thought.
>If I don’t finish this chapter today, I will have to put my head in the garbage disposal
Whoah there John. Remember what happened last time you made a off-hand statement of intention in a to-do list on the Whatever.
And what does Ghlaghghee think of him taking her desk ornament job?
“His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.” Nah, too obscure.
I will say that Temp Cat looks shifty. A hobo cat is not above ransacking the family jewelry and flitting off to parts unknown, so be careful, and don’t let your guard down.
Temp Cat Yearns for His Bollocks Back
Personally I think his name is Robert Paulson, but that’s probably too obscure to amuse anyone but me.
Not so obscure. Maybe you could subtly agitate for TempCat to be renamed “Space Monkey.”
Just because Krissy gets to “name” him doesn’t mean that’s what he’ll actually be called, because cats do have this tendency to dictate their own names. You just keep calling him Robert Paulson (or Space Monkey) and he might just decide that’s what his name is.
T.M. Wagner:
It’s a compact fluorescent light in the lamp. Doesn’t generate anywhere near enough heat for that.
Incidentally, it’s the same CFL I put in the lamp more than two years ago, and I’ve pretty much left it on continuously since then. Pretty nifty.
I named our first cat Bob (because I’m allergic and had to have a physical to get prescription meds, and I contend that whoever gets a finger in the butt for the cat gets to name it), and when people would ask why, I’d say that, “His name was Robert Paulson,” and nobody ever got it.
So I think it’s obscure enough. I’ve never seen anyone else do it.
And naming him “Space Monkey” would require shaving his head.
Temp Cat says: The first rule of Project Mayhem is you do not ask questions. The second rule of Project Mayhem …
He looks so content. Much different look than that first picture. I think your family is owned now. He knows a good thing when he sees it.
Impressive. You’ve got a posse now.
Being on the hunt for a new job, I feel his plight, and couldn’t resist.
http://www.danbailey.net/LJ/loltemp.jpg
Mmmm… I see Bacon.
not to be overly technical, but if his name is robert paulson, once accepted into the compound, he would no longer have a name, then he would become robert paulson again in the unfortunate event of his demise.
We took in a black and white stray cat which I wanted to call Tux, after the Linux penguin, but the name never stuck, and so his name is “Cat”. He’s very friendly — he’ll come when called. I guess the naming of cats is a difficult matter.
Does he have ‘bitch tits’ we can’t see in those photos?
Oh. HENRY Paulson is the secretary of the treasury.
I thought you were *really* going for obscure for a minute.
just as long as he understands the rules of fight club, everything will be fine.
He looks about as bored as I feel in that last picture. I wish I could just sprawl out and have a nap like that… Stupid work and the fact that my desk is too cluttered and not big enough…
I dunno; I kinda like “Temp Cat” as a permanent moniker. When I got my cat Stinkyboy, the people at the shelter had named him “Jordan”. He didn’t look like a Jordan (what cat does?) but more importantly, he smelled God-awful. I mean, rancid. He had every kind of parasite and worm and infection and gastro-intestinal problem you could imagine. One skinny little mess of a cat. After about a week with me, I noticed he would look up when I called him a stinky cat and a stinky boy. After two months of medical treatment, the smell was gone but the name stuck. People think it’s unbearably cruel that I call him Stinkyboy but he seems to have chosen it.
:-)
Happy New Year, by the way!
Colleen
Well, I didn’t get the joke about “Robert Paulson”, so I went googling to figure out what was going on. I eventually got it, but there was a somewhat amusing red herring: it seems that a Rob Paulson does the voice of Yakko on Animaniacs. Here he is, singing (in Yakko’s voice, from memory) the names of all the countries of the world, to the tune of what I think is the Mexican Hat Dance. After the Animaniacs-related trivia a few days ago, this seemed like it might have been a tie-in with the current Cat Naming Question.
I agree with Dana: it looks like the cat’s already come to a decision in the matter and you may as well just submit to your new master.
Name suggestion: “Chiaroscuro,” pronounced “Skittles.”
if you’re going to take someone’s balls from him, you pretty much owe him lifetime support.
I’d say this statement might have profound effects on the divorce and alimony process, just saying.
Damn, someone beat me to the reference. None too obscure, I think.
I like Temp Cat. I like Robert Paulson, too.
Robert Paulson, as in Through a Glass Darkly? Or even more obscure?
His name is Robert Paulsen!
*giggles at the Robert Paulson reference*
Why not just name him Meatloaf?
Or Brad Pitt?
Although, I have to say, the first name that jumped in my head was DaVinci.
I guess it’s good that I don’t name cats.
There’s also a Robert Paulson who is a professor of veterinary science at Penn State. Name him that and he’ll take care of his own worms and nads.
I’d name him “Snackie,” but then, I’m not a huge fan of cats. That last picture is pretty darn cute, though.
How about Darls Chickens with two ‘n’s and a silent ‘q’? (mangling the quote)
Whitey, Noisy, Mom and ‘the Kids’ would like directions to the Scalzi Compound…
Man, I like Robert Paulson.
(My boyfriend have a thing where if we can’t remember somebody’s name, and stop half way through….”His name is”….the other one will finish it off. Sometimes we don’t even wait to see if the other person really forgot the person’s name.)
I have a moose named Discount Moose. He is so named because he was one of two IKEA mooses, but for some reason he was on sale for three bucks and the other meese were seven. (I had bought two meese–one for my niece, one for me.)
That’s a handsome little dude there. And he’s certainly made himself at home, hasn’t he?
Dude,
based on the 2nd photo…you’ve already been opted. You, Krissy, Athena can resist all you wish, but the cat magic has been performed…so far as he’s concerned, you are all now officially his people.
er, is my email address still showing everywhere in the “leave a reply” Mail field, or is that only on my pc?
Your PC.
Nah. It’s been proven that cats will accept any food-providing ape for staff positions. You’ve no worries as long as the next food ape (I believe ‘food ape’ in cat parlance is attributable to C.Stross, but possibly he got it somewhere else.) has warm surfaces and plentiful food.
Considering how uncertain his condition is, it’s clear to me that he must be called Erwin.
Aw, he’s cute. Whatever his name is going to be. :)
Is “Temp Cat” getting along with the other 2 cats?
He looks extremely relaxed and quite at home in your office. Is he partial to your office?
Does he crawl up in your lap and look for kitty love while your working?
I think you should call him….
[ @3##%$%)**#@]
Robert Paulsen is AWESOME. Seriously, when I was kid, my fallback plan if I didn’t become a classics scholar, was to be a voice actor. Oh, and I watched many hours of Animaniacs while in college.
Yeah, uh, neither one of those really planned out. But voice actors are seriously underappreciated.
The cat should be named Hasselhoff.
We’d have to see how it tries to eat a hamburger first.
> Robert Paulson
I vote for “Jack’s Raging Bile Duct”, it’s much snazzier.
I agree with Dan… Hasslehoff is the way to go… but it is Krissy’s choice! LOL
be well,
Dawn
Ha, I was just looking at reading Fight Club again, coincidence…? If you don’t name the cat Robert Paulson I’m stealing it for when I eventually get a house and get a new cat, I had a Temp Cat myself but she was a bit feral and decided that she wasn’t right for the position I was trying to fill and decided to venture forth into the snowy Canadian weather never to be seen again, hopefully she’s okay somewhere..
Well, he looks like he’s out of danger of starvation, anyway. A good thing, whether he gets the Scalzi Compound position or not.
For his permanent name, I vote for Sir Francis.
It’s not just musicals about cats on Broadway.
Is Krissy likely to give it a good geek name, a cool fighter name or a name like Patches or Muffins or Thunderbucket?
What about “Pat Paulsen” ? ;-)
Somehow he seems to be communicating quit well, which implies he’s got (or had) people somewhere.
Looks used to getting his way, too.
I agree based on many of the comments that having his name as Robert Paulson is probably too obscure.
Tania, Robert Paulson is awesome in more ways than one. A good friend of mine and his wife bonded over Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain during their dating days. My friend decided that one of the coolest wedding gifts would be to get the voice actors to record their answering machine message. He contacted Paulson and LaMarche (the Brain) through their managers, explained his wish and they came through with flying colors. Ten years later, for their anniversary (on April 1st), my friend presented his wife with an updated message from Paulson and LaMarche.
Most cool people.
Carol Elaine, what a great story. How incredibly kind and generous. Never mind that is a thoughtful and creative gift. Sigh…
Thanks, I needed something mushy and uplifting at this point in my day. Now, back to writing.
Tania @ 42
Voice actors don’t get too bent out of shape about being under-appreciated because they’re also highly compensated. Seriously, its a very difficult field to break into and those who make it make really good money. And most of their gigs consist of showing up for a few hours to tape a commercial and then having the rest of the day off. :-)
I can’t be the only one who thinks that the new cat looks like Adam Goldberg, can I?
Nathan – that’s good to learn. I figured out somewhere in my teens that I probably wasn’t voice actor material (boo hoo), but I still have fun listening for voices.
From another blog…I’m still impressed with your report of Mr. Stern’s professionalism. That’s pretty cool.
Robert Paulson is obscure, but too awesome not to use