I Will Say This:

There have been some interesting pictures taken of me during this convention.

I leave it to you to imagine what interesting means in this context.

46 Comments on “I Will Say This:”

  1. I’m getting disturbed by the wanton cruelty to bacon that repeatedly appears in the comments to this blog. I hereby announce the establishment of BLF: The Bacon Liberation Front. Our motto: “Save the bacon (for breakfast, or maybe a nice BLT for lunch).”

    It’s a little long for a bumper sticker, but we’re a young organization, and still developing our message.

  2. Yo, Unfocused,

    Sign me up for the B.L.F. I, too, believe that the repeated abuse of pork products that show up in the comments here has gone too far. Our host has exercised admirable restraint in only wasting one strip of bacon (to my knowledge) in his pursuit of internet immortality. The readers here must be stopped from egging him on (no pun intended) to further feats of bacon abuse!

  3. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang (nobody ever asked him about his hair)

    Pants on?

    Pants off?

    Whips, chains, great danes?

  4. Nathan:

    That’s precisely my point. One piece of bacon, taped to one cat, one time, is not an issue the BLF would be concerned about. However, it started commenters down a slippery slope greased with bacon fat to see who could invent the most flagrant and conspicuous misuse and abuse of bacon. The BLF demands that the waste stop now!

    More later. It’s time for lunch.

  5. I’m going to use the picture of you engaging in a full frontal snogging with Mr. Westerfeld as the inspiration for the first piece of fiction I’ve felt inspired to write since 1986. I especially like how you’re respective spouses are there, cheering the two of you on.

  6. Ms Larbalestier was right. You must have brought the sequin gown. Tell me you did not tape bacon to a sequin gown. As a possible future member of the BLF I would have to protest such action.
    Did she buy the gold gown? When do we see the pictures?

  7. Unfocused,

    We really need to get the Bacon Liberation Front better organized to address transgressions against our creed. Fully 21% of the first 19 posts here are just begging to have a grievance filed. And here we are without a Sgt. At Arms to come down on ’em with a number 10 can-o-whoopass!

  8. Hey, BLF guys, does “Invader Zim” need a complaint filed against it?

    “GIR, why is there BACON in the SOAP?!”
    “I made it myself!”

  9. Does the BLF have plans to set up a Bacon Liberation Tribunal (BLT) to process and oversee these complaints against baconkind?

  10. Greg, Nathan, Another Steve, I hereby pronounce you all Executive Vice Presidents in charge of calling attention to, and retaliating against, all transgressions against bacon and bacon-related products. I put it to a vote of the membership as to whether non-bacon bacon flavoring is entitled to BLF protection, although I would vote “NO.”

  11. I too vote NO on extending BLF protection to non-bacon bacon flavoring. Non-bacon bacon flavoring is on its own.

    Unfocused, thank you for elevating me to VP status. I’m honored and I’ll try to live up to your high expectations. Also, I think Vincent might be onto something with the whole BLT concept. I like it. I humbly suggest that we make our organization as Orwellian as possible. An excellent model I think.

    In my new position, I’ll take on the first transgressor. JJS, yeah buddy, I’m lookin’ at you. Until you apologize for comment #1 above, The BLF sentences you to eating only bacon that has first been marinated in belly sweat. Payback is indeed a bitch.

  12. As a Pastafarian, Pancetta Sect, I stand ready to support my BLF brethren against pork product related transgressions…

    Wait! Do Beggin’ Strips count?

  13. Hey – if you’re going to wear an evening gown that low cut, you should at least have your chest hair waxed. And can I recommend double-sided tape for those little slippage issues?

  14. From Purina’s site:

    Dogs bark “Gimme Bacon!” and now you can give them bacon, because Beggin’® Strips not only look, taste, and smell like real bacon – they’re now made with real bacon.

    So, yes, Constance. Beggin’ Strips count.

  15. I am a VP? I was looking for that membership email. I thought I accidentily deleted it. I must have hit send. That said, I shall carry out my responsibilities as VP. In the case of JJS I submit the crime may or may not be tempered by the placement of said bacon. If it is taped high on the belly then that is just wrong and a proper issue for the BLF to consider. If it is taped low then it can be dismissed as a (forgive this pun) distasteful male pastie. I hope said bacon was wide, not for the case, but for the sake of the audience as many were sitting at odd angles.
    On the issue of non-bacon bacon, I think we should be merciful and disregard any case involving non-bacon bacon so we can feel free to enjoy burger fast food with a side salad including “bacon” bits and think it may be healthy.

  16. All I’m hoping is that these “interesting pictures” lead to a few more entertaining entries for Scalzi’s next “10 things I’ve done you prolly haven’t” list….
    (Also, mmmm, bacon!)

  17. Leave my father (JJS) alone, he was unaware of the future formation of either the BLF or the BLT.
    I would like to submit a membership application for the BLF, and propose immediate protection of the following product:

    please contact me in an undisclosed location, and leave the breifcase in plain sight. NO COPS! …..oh crap wrong note.

  18. There was a skull kissing incident? I didn’t think any cameras were around. I mean, I wasn’t there and I never saw or did that.

    I don’t think it got photographed, but Justine Larbalestier did kiss Scalzi’s head at the Gluten-free Fantasy panel in Sunday morning (Scalzi had just said something about how easily traditions get started at SF cons). Thus, the skull-kissing thing is now a time-honored tradition, to be observed at Confusions for decades to come.

  19. JJS re ‘spam with bacon on Whatever’.

    No the phrase “spam with bacon” does not accurately describe a lot of the stuff posted on whatever.

    Spam with bacon places spam first, implying that spam is more important or that spam can be found in greater abundance than bacon.

    This is clearly not the case…

  20. …Beggin’® Strips not only look, taste, and smell like real bacon – they’re now made with real bacon. Damn you, Purina! Here I thought it was just corporate propaganda. I’m so disillusioned. To put helpless bacon into a bacon shaped product… that’s just wrong.

    But my dogs won’t touch them, so it’s okay.

  21. Vincent, I owe you an apology — I missed your post and am just checking back now. I hereby appoint you Chief Justice of the Bacon Liberation Tribunal (CJ-BLT), with plenary authority over all cases brought before you by the three Executive Vice Presidents of the BLF.

  22. Vincent, please remember one thing. With great pork products comes great responsibilities.
    Come on everyone, you really were waiting for that statement to hit the website. Oh, you are so lame.
    BLF forever!

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