Blathering Lockdown: Day Four


Is the book done? NO

Blather limiter:

Your question for the day:
What’s the name of your next band?

The name of my next band: Platelets of Phlegm.  It came to me yesterday while I was coughing.

Enjoy coming up with band names. See you tomorrow.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

123 replies on “Blathering Lockdown: Day Four”

I was thinking about this a couple of years back. My first idea was String Theory – a band comprised entirely of string instruments. Unfortunately, the only instrument I play is the drums. So I thought maybe Chaos Theory – a hardcore punk band.

This was during my OMGPHYSICS! phase. If you couldn’t tell ^_^

In my younger days, I always thought that “Screaming Lung Tissue” would be the best punk band title. But now that I’m older, I think that ” The Blue Pill Screamers” would fit the bill.

Each year Dave Rickards of the local morning show Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw compiles a list of band names he’s come up with over the past year. Can’t find this year’s, but maybe if you asked him nice.

My band names?

The Nine Year Old as Klingon
Cats are Chaos
Confuzzled by Search Terms
Stream of Consciousness Deconstructed
Lassie the Transvestite Bow Wow
When Porn had Panache
Sex with a Loofa
Hopeful Monsters for Punctuated Equilibrium
Bush the Second Rate Socialist
No Child Allowed to Learn
Chronic Constipation Through Super Glue Colonics
Jerked Around By Porn Sites
Puns and Hoses
Some Sort of Sexual Innuendo is My New Band
I’m Having Hilary’s Baby
Self Loathing Twee for Rudy Guliani
Beagles in Pitbull Drag

(That should be enough for now.)

Dirtstar, because A) it sounds kind of cool B) it sounds like a proper band name and C) its obscure slang meaning is ‘anus’.

The first two are important because if you actually name your band “Dogsex Bloodfart Catapult” or “Janet Is Ten Feet Tall” nobody who’s not already a fan will ever voluntarily come to see you play or listen to your music.


The Denture Brothers Philharmonic (aka Lawrence Welk’s future)
He’s Dead, Jim (mathcore)
Stealing Columbus (Indy rock)
The Entangled Photons (jazz fusion)
Tragic Mollusk (goth metal)

Two bands I was actually in during my misspent youth (both of which, umm, disbanded in less than a year):

The 21cm Band (all physics/chemistry guys… nerd triple entendre, as we did a lot of contrapuntal stuff)

Radio Free Albemuth

I would name my group after signs that I see in the mountains like “deer crossing,” “falling rock,” “steep turn,” etc…. the possibilities are endless.

I’m gonna go all Aussie on your ass, Erik. How about “Wombat Crossing.”

This may sound stupid, I always thought “This Bag Is Not a Toy” would be a good name. I don’t know why. Maybe I fell asleep with one on my head one time…

In college, my friends and I always talked about starting a band called “No Left Turn” and calling our first album “Right on Red.” But then it occurred to us that no one really had enough musical talent to bother.

Hey John, how about instead of asking us silly but entertaining questions you ask us our opinions on the whateverettes? No more effort on your part than the silly questions and it should lead to meatier comments. The new Canadians? Who knew. Has anyone else heard of this befor? You can make most bigots behave in public but they will still be bigots inside. I am not sure if I am buying district attorney Mike Trent’s story that he didn’t know what the term meant. I mean lawyers make their living verbally splitting hairs. I just can’t see one using a word he didn’t know the meaning of.
Upon further consideration silly questions are less likely to need moderation so maybe this would call for more work on your part. Just a sugestion. Your bat and ball.

Some prequery ones:
Patron Saint of Pirates
The Monster in Jimmy’s Closet
Monkey Astronaut

Some I’ve just pulled up:
Ouch, the Hotplate
Mulligatawny’s Madness
This is Not a Band
Dinosaur Vampire Explosion
Gary, Phil and Dave Are Not in This Band
I’m Sure I’ve Adequitly Annoyed Scalzi for the Day (local Minnesota rockers!)

My band name for Guitar Heroes 1, 2, and 3 was “The Catamites”, which was an abbreviated version of my dream band name, “Father John and the Catamites”.

There was a bowling alley I went to that had Guitar Hero nights, and I took a special pleasure in coming up with new and unique names for myself (and some were usernames I’d used for online pixel-blasting). Including:

“Streptoraucous” (or “StreptoRAWKus”)
“Matthew Sour”
“The Hang-Tens”
“Cable Modem”
“Peter-Paul and Maggot”
“Chinese Democrat”
“Futile Effort”
“Merchant of Venison”

One night my buddy and I used Venture Brothers references for every song: “Goliath Serum”, “Team Venture”, “Girl Hitler”, etc.

“The Long Barbed Whip Of Patrick Nielsen Hayden”

Mathias @ 31, I’ve never heard of “Dr. Afterbirth and the Electric Fetus”, but there’s a string of too-cool record shops in Minnesota that go under the moniker of “The Electric Fetus”.

John Fiala @ #5: My husband was in Fish For Breakfast in college. One of their notable songs was “Gin”, based on a T-shirt with Milk and Cheese Gone Bad. “Gin makes a man mean!”

The band I was in (with my husband— we weren’t dating at the time even) was Warehouse: Mercury. Technically it still exists. (I suggest the “Shake Your Love” cover, or “Pain Lies On the Riverside” cover if you’d like to hear my voice.*) Perhaps the most notable aspect of the non-breakup is that if the lead singer ever is in the area, we could set up to record within half an hour— and there would probably be a new song or two by that point. You put Evil Rob and Krissi in the same room and scary creativity follows.

As in, when I make a comment about having once gone to the store and coming back to have them say they’d made only two new songs, I’m not joking.

*It’s not mentioned on the site, but when Evil Rob does a cover it is generally thought out and recorded in a few days— and if I’m doing the vocals, I generally have a prep time of around half an hour. Hence the occasional vocal flub, such as my pronunciation of “wadder.” Oops.

My sister and her friends once threatened to start a punk band called Home Abortion Kit. This was in her “kick the system in the nuts” teens.

Thankfully, she’s since mellowed into a more comfortable “kick the system in the nuts, but only metaphorically because I’m a pacifist” 30’s. Nowadays she pretty much relegates her activism to pissing off the man by giving away free vegan food in the park with her Food Not Bombs group. They’ve even been threatened with arrest, I think. Because giving away healthy food is just letting the terrorists win.

Chevette @ 24: are you aware that David Byrne’s concert/backing band in the early ’90s (after he left Talking Heads) was called Ten Car Pile-Up? (And even if you are aware, there’s probably someone reading this list who isn’t, so it isn’t a complete waste of pixels.)

Sadly, I’ve forgotten so many good band names over the years that I longer know how to remember them.

Something like- An Idiot. Then people get to say “I am listening to An Idiot.” Or “An Idiot is performing on TV” Or I could use “The Best Band Ever” Hmmm. The possibilities are endless!

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