Blathering Lockdown: Day Four


Is the book done? NO

Blather limiter:

Your question for the day:
What’s the name of your next band?

The name of my next band: Platelets of Phlegm.  It came to me yesterday while I was coughing.

Enjoy coming up with band names. See you tomorrow.

123 Comments on “Blathering Lockdown: Day Four”

  1. One of the bits I really liked from the Illuminatus Trilogy was where they dedicated a couple of pages to just random band names.

    My band: Pizza for Breakfast

  2. I was thinking about this a couple of years back. My first idea was String Theory – a band comprised entirely of string instruments. Unfortunately, the only instrument I play is the drums. So I thought maybe Chaos Theory – a hardcore punk band.

    This was during my OMGPHYSICS! phase. If you couldn’t tell ^_^

  3. I’m thinking it’ll be…. Soup Makes My Nose Run

  4. In my younger days, I always thought that “Screaming Lung Tissue” would be the best punk band title. But now that I’m older, I think that ” The Blue Pill Screamers” would fit the bill.

  5. Each year Dave Rickards of the local morning show Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw compiles a list of band names he’s come up with over the past year. Can’t find this year’s, but maybe if you asked him nice.

    My band names?

    The Nine Year Old as Klingon
    Cats are Chaos
    Confuzzled by Search Terms
    Stream of Consciousness Deconstructed
    Lassie the Transvestite Bow Wow
    When Porn had Panache
    Sex with a Loofa
    Hopeful Monsters for Punctuated Equilibrium
    Bush the Second Rate Socialist
    No Child Allowed to Learn
    Chronic Constipation Through Super Glue Colonics
    Jerked Around By Porn Sites
    Puns and Hoses
    Some Sort of Sexual Innuendo is My New Band
    I’m Having Hilary’s Baby
    Self Loathing Twee for Rudy Guliani
    Beagles in Pitbull Drag

    (That should be enough for now.)

  6. Neil – Neil lives in London splitting his time between a keyboard in Soho (which sounds far more interesting than it is) and a keyboard in Abbey Wood. Neil is Welsh, this means he's around a foot shorter than everyone else, gets far to excited when they beat England at Rugby and thinks football is for people who lack moral fibre. Neil is wondering why he's talking about himself in the third person.

    The Taffia

  7. Dirtstar, because A) it sounds kind of cool B) it sounds like a proper band name and C) its obscure slang meaning is ‘anus’.

    The first two are important because if you actually name your band “Dogsex Bloodfart Catapult” or “Janet Is Ten Feet Tall” nobody who’s not already a fan will ever voluntarily come to see you play or listen to your music.

  8. And You Shall Know Us by Our Trail of Breadcrumbs. We’d play “Stomachache” Metal for kids and our breakout hit would be “Mary Had a Little Lamb … with Orzo.”

  9. Phloozees
    Sell Outs
    The Miders from Spars
    Stand Clear
    Persistence of Vision (with thanks to J Varley)

  10. Fluid and the Electrolytes. We’ll hook up with the Gatorade brand and do heavy metal tunes devoted to health and fitness during college football halftime breaks.

  11. I’ve always thought “Dr. Afterbirth and The Electric Fetus” would be a cool name for a band.

    Does anyone know if there IS a bad with this name?

  12. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang in boots


  13. A friend of mine wants someone to take Temporary Sanity, so that’s open.

    Brill Cream and the Greasers – rockabilly
    Blind Potato Jenkins and the Delta Daddies – blues
    Societal Decay – techno
    The Bollix – punk
    Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew – because there is not nearly enough pirate hip hop out there.

  14. My friends and I actually discussed this at my wife’s celebratory birthday dinner last night, and decided our next band name would be:

    Drunk Dial the Babysitter.

  15. Dinosaur Sodomists
    Laparoscopic Cholecytectomy
    Colorless Green Thoughts Sleep Furiously
    One Grunch But The Eggplant

  16. The Denture Brothers Philharmonic (aka Lawrence Welk’s future)
    He’s Dead, Jim (mathcore)
    Stealing Columbus (Indy rock)
    The Entangled Photons (jazz fusion)
    Tragic Mollusk (goth metal)

  17. Two bands I was actually in during my misspent youth (both of which, umm, disbanded in less than a year):

    The 21cm Band (all physics/chemistry guys… nerd triple entendre, as we did a lot of contrapuntal stuff)

    Radio Free Albemuth

  18. I would name my group after signs that I see in the mountains like “deer crossing,” “falling rock,” “steep turn,” etc…. the possibilities are endless.

  19. Simon, I think that second one is a little too long to be catchy -“There was another good one I thought of the other day but I forget what it was.”

  20. I would name my group after signs that I see in the mountains like “deer crossing,” “falling rock,” “steep turn,” etc…. the possibilities are endless.

    I’m gonna go all Aussie on your ass, Erik. How about “Wombat Crossing.”

  21. This may sound stupid, I always thought “This Bag Is Not a Toy” would be a good name. I don’t know why. Maybe I fell asleep with one on my head one time…

  22. In college, my friends and I always talked about starting a band called “No Left Turn” and calling our first album “Right on Red.” But then it occurred to us that no one really had enough musical talent to bother.

  23. car4shane – Roseville California – 54 years old with type 2 diabetes and renal failure. I have dialysis four times a week. Due to arthritis, neither my wife or I can drive a stick. It's not that we don't know how, it's just very painful to do so.

    Lung Chunks

  24. Shat.
    Because who conjugates that Anglo-Saxon monosyllable correctly nowadays? I could probably get it past the FCC in primetime.

  25. In high school during the Reagan 80’s we thought we could name our punk band

    Maggie Thatcher’s Douche

    Navel Lint Suprise was our 2nd choice

  26. Hey John, how about instead of asking us silly but entertaining questions you ask us our opinions on the whateverettes? No more effort on your part than the silly questions and it should lead to meatier comments. The new Canadians? Who knew. Has anyone else heard of this befor? You can make most bigots behave in public but they will still be bigots inside. I am not sure if I am buying district attorney Mike Trent’s story that he didn’t know what the term meant. I mean lawyers make their living verbally splitting hairs. I just can’t see one using a word he didn’t know the meaning of.
    Upon further consideration silly questions are less likely to need moderation so maybe this would call for more work on your part. Just a sugestion. Your bat and ball.

  27. Some prequery ones:
    Patron Saint of Pirates
    The Monster in Jimmy’s Closet
    Monkey Astronaut

    Some I’ve just pulled up:
    Ouch, the Hotplate
    Mulligatawny’s Madness
    This is Not a Band
    Dinosaur Vampire Explosion
    Gary, Phil and Dave Are Not in This Band
    I’m Sure I’ve Adequitly Annoyed Scalzi for the Day (local Minnesota rockers!)

  28. My band name for Guitar Heroes 1, 2, and 3 was “The Catamites”, which was an abbreviated version of my dream band name, “Father John and the Catamites”.

    There was a bowling alley I went to that had Guitar Hero nights, and I took a special pleasure in coming up with new and unique names for myself (and some were usernames I’d used for online pixel-blasting). Including:

    “Streptoraucous” (or “StreptoRAWKus”)
    “Matthew Sour”
    “The Hang-Tens”
    “Cable Modem”
    “Peter-Paul and Maggot”
    “Chinese Democrat”
    “Futile Effort”
    “Merchant of Venison”

    One night my buddy and I used Venture Brothers references for every song: “Goliath Serum”, “Team Venture”, “Girl Hitler”, etc.

    “The Long Barbed Whip Of Patrick Nielsen Hayden”

    Mathias @ 31, I’ve never heard of “Dr. Afterbirth and the Electric Fetus”, but there’s a string of too-cool record shops in Minnesota that go under the moniker of “The Electric Fetus”.

  29. John Fiala @ #5: My husband was in Fish For Breakfast in college. One of their notable songs was “Gin”, based on a T-shirt with Milk and Cheese Gone Bad. “Gin makes a man mean!”

    The band I was in (with my husband— we weren’t dating at the time even) was Warehouse: Mercury. Technically it still exists. (I suggest the “Shake Your Love” cover, or “Pain Lies On the Riverside” cover if you’d like to hear my voice.*) Perhaps the most notable aspect of the non-breakup is that if the lead singer ever is in the area, we could set up to record within half an hour— and there would probably be a new song or two by that point. You put Evil Rob and Krissi in the same room and scary creativity follows.

    As in, when I make a comment about having once gone to the store and coming back to have them say they’d made only two new songs, I’m not joking.

    *It’s not mentioned on the site, but when Evil Rob does a cover it is generally thought out and recorded in a few days— and if I’m doing the vocals, I generally have a prep time of around half an hour. Hence the occasional vocal flub, such as my pronunciation of “wadder.” Oops.

  30. My sister and her friends once threatened to start a punk band called Home Abortion Kit. This was in her “kick the system in the nuts” teens.

    Thankfully, she’s since mellowed into a more comfortable “kick the system in the nuts, but only metaphorically because I’m a pacifist” 30’s. Nowadays she pretty much relegates her activism to pissing off the man by giving away free vegan food in the park with her Food Not Bombs group. They’ve even been threatened with arrest, I think. Because giving away healthy food is just letting the terrorists win.

  31. * Smoking Gnu
    * ??/??? Percent
    * Buddy Boom & the Rimshots
    * stet
    * The Scobberlotchers
    * Scythe Matterz
    * Permanent Floating Riot Club
    * Indentured Savants
    * Onymous Oojahs

  32. “Ladies and gentlemen, direct from Crawford, Texas, George and Neil, The Idiot Bushes!!!!”

    [Cue bad intro to “Roadhouse Blues”]

  33. I don’t have a first band, but on Guitar Hero I have two bands: Chemical Toilet and Monstars. haha

  34. Psychosocial Resilience Syndrome
    Lethal Needle Robot
    Decompressive Obsession
    Transcranial Gunshot Wound
    Nuclear Craniectomy
    Body Melt
    Steam powered lobotomy

  35. Invitation Barrage – A term I wrote in my apology e-mail to my friends I’m pestering to sign up for Twitter.

  36. I’ve always sworn that if I ever recovered the musical ability I had when I was a kid, I would start up a band called “The Alternative Ambassadors”

  37. Chevette @ 24: are you aware that David Byrne’s concert/backing band in the early ’90s (after he left Talking Heads) was called Ten Car Pile-Up? (And even if you are aware, there’s probably someone reading this list who isn’t, so it isn’t a complete waste of pixels.)

    Sadly, I’ve forgotten so many good band names over the years that I longer know how to remember them.

  38. Sucking Chest Wound. A guy who crashed on my couch (for about 5 months) was always saying, “It’s nature’s way of telling you to slow down.”

  39. Chicktar – St. Louis, Missouri, USA – I am a pretty hard-working attorney, primarily blogging to keep a record for myself of my goals, failures and successes in the non-professional aspects of my life. Currently, those are family and friends, quilting, reading and photography. But they are always evolving...


    Free Radicals

    Peyote Ugly

  40. Something like- An Idiot. Then people get to say “I am listening to An Idiot.” Or “An Idiot is performing on TV” Or I could use “The Best Band Ever” Hmmm. The possibilities are endless!

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