Blathering Lockdown: Day Six
Posted on January 29, 2008 Posted by John Scalzi 122 Comments
BLATHER TEST:
Is the book done? NO
Blather limiter: ON
Your question for the day: Daphne or Velma?
Because in your heart you always knew that one day you would have to choose.
Have fun. See you tomorrow.
Velma, because she’s smart.
No comments at all??? What, did today’s youth totally miss the question?
Velma was annoying. Daphne would have been the one without question. Not only a redhead, but she said remarkably little and never showed a redhead’s legendary temper. Truly a gem!!!
Now we just need to have Shaggy give Fred a few Scooby Snacks…
Velma from the otherwise stupid movies.
Smart and hot.
Velma, fer shure. She’s smart AND weird.
My daughter said, “Daphne, because she’s a slut. Then I’d dump her ass.”
Velma. Because smart girls are way hotter than airheads. Plus she’s got the little pleated skirt thing going.
Why yes, I am a graduate of Lesbian U, why do you ask?
Animated Daphne for sure and for certain!!!
But the actress that played Velma in the two movies
wasn’t hard on the eyes either!!!! and being a real person was a lot more three dimensional then animated Daphne!!
Velma. She’s won the Internet Porn contest by a landslide.
hmmm.. I would have to say Velma.
I got teased a lot in high school because I looked like her. I still thought she was way better than Daphne.
velma
Velma. Smart, good looking, and she’s wacky.
Daphne isn’t too bad, but really, do you want to rescue her every five minutes from the janitor in some monster costume? I think not.
Although he wasn’t a choice, I’d pick Scooby, because he always SOLVES it, even if it is by mistake.
Plus, Great Danes (when they’re not CGI-animated) are cool.
Anyone who thinks you have to choose obviously has no idea what was going on in the back of the Mystery Machine. Jeepers, free love, maaan. Arms, legs and paws everywhere. Hey, those were crazy days. And Scooby Snacks are a hell of a thing, man. A hell of a thing.
“… but really, do you want to rescue her every five minutes from the janitor in some monster costume? I think not.”
Oh, I think SO. Depending on how grateful she is the first time, of course.
Velma is a good choice for many reasons listed above, but I wonder–how many times can you stand a catch phrase like “Jinkies” before you do something horrific?
Therefore: Daphne.
Velma for sure. Nothing hotter than a tight orange sweater.
Neither. My kids are on a Scooby kick and watch old DVDs a lot and I couldn’t put up with either of them. I’m dreading the day they discover the Scrappy Doo stuff, better known as the dark episodes.
I made my choice long ago.
I’d rather pick between Reed and Malloy, to be honest. Or Frank and Joe Hardy. (Reed, probably. Frank, definitely.)
What?! Who?! *Reads comments* Ah – I see! They’re characters from the Scoobydoo cartoon. That explains why I’ve never heard of them.
Ah, well.
Never saw the live-action movie, but if we’re talking animation, it’s gotta be Daphne. Besides, I think Velma would agree with me on this, if you know what I mean.
The real question is: Ginger or Mary Ann?
This is a rare case where the red head loses to the brunette, because as we all know, Mary Ann wins in a landslide. Or perhaps a tidal wave.
Velma. No contest. All brains and curves – yum. Okay, maybe the socks/shoe combo is a mis-judgement, but I could live with that.
And Daphne should stop standing like that.
I thought it was a choice between Patty and Selma at first. Either way it’s clear that someone has lockdown fever.
Velma. Are you kidding me?
Huh. THis is an interesting one.
The Velma from the dreadful movies is gorgeous, especially in that red leather suit number. Daphne from the movies didn’t work for me too much.
Cartoon wise, straight outta the gate t’s gonna be Daphne because she’s a redhead in a miniskirt.
But Velma could be a diamond in the rough, concealing something amidst the bulky sweater that the pleated skirt merely hints at.
Daphne. Form over function in this case.
(And Mary Ann. And Reed. Oddly I never tracked the Hardy Boys, so Frank or Joe I can’t say.)
Silly man – Scooby, of course
Velma – Because nerd chicks rule!
Daphne… However, if I had an eraser and some colored pencils, Velma would so totally get some work done.
What? I can’t have both?
Daphne, hands down. I’ve always had a mad crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar, so by virtue of her playing Daphne in the movies, animated Daphne wins by association (I would have picked her anyway, but still…).
Velma, of course. (And also Mary Ann. And Betty Rubble. And Donna from That 70s Show. And Jordan from Real Genius, though young Angelina Jolie from Hackers is an almost-acceptable substitute there…)
How did the “Scooby-Doo” show ever become so popular? When it premiered, I was the target audience, and I have to say I never saw an episode that wasn’t a bitter disappointment. I kept watching because I’m a “the cartoon’s not yet half over” kind of guy. I kept hoping “maybe this time the really cool monster will be real.” But no.
Never happened.
It’s a good thing for Hanna-Barbera they also made Atom Ant, The Herculoids, Secret Squirrel and Frankenstein Jr., because otherwise I would so demand a refund on my childhood.
Oh, yeah: Velma. And Ginger. And Bailey over Jennifer. Now there’s a “why not both?”
I meant Mary Anne. Lost my head for a minute.
It could have gotten a threesome, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!
I can’t have Shaggy? C’mon, the man can cook! But, yeah, Velma was always hotter than daphne.
both
Velma, both animated and live.
Daphne’s hot, of course, which means I don’t trust her.
If only Velma knew when to shut up and Daphne knew when not to be vacuous, then this would be comparable to something better than the choice between PBR and Mickey’s.
They’re both capable, but since they’re both foils to the pooch, their timing is better suited to comedy than good social skills.
Just sayin’.
Velma, of course.
I can only go by the animated series, having never seen the movies, so I’ve gotta voice descent and go with Daphne. I’ve done the geek love thing most of my life, I’d like to see what this trophy wife thing is like. Probably won’t last more than three months, but what the heck.
Both. Who am I to refuse such a threesome?
Dude, Daphne for sure. Even at a young age, I knew I wanted her. I didn’t know what I wanted her for, but I knew she should be mine.
The Velma from the movies (and I take exception to the idea that the first one was terrible; it’s surprisingly funny, as it takes the same approach that the first Brady Bunch movie did with its characters) is played by Linda Cardellini, incidentally (of Freaks and Geeks fame, and more recently ER, although I haven’t met anyone who’s actually watched ER in the last eight years).
Velma, no contest. If she looks like Linda Cardellini in real life, all the better.
Yeah, I have to go with Velma. I like to have my mind stimulated as well as my senses.
Heh. I’m heartened to discover so many fellow Velma admirers here. Get her out of that ridiculous turtleneck and yum!
Velma – it was Velma when I was watching the cartoons in elementary school, and I see no reason to change my mind.
None of the above.
I was devoted to Natasha because she was hot, I knew she liked short guys, and I knew I could beat up Boris if necessary.
Velma. She has brains. Brains last longer than looks and are more useful in the dark. Besides, without her glasses she might find me attractive.
Velma, definitely. ‘Cause smart geek grrls rule – esp. ones who’re concealing an impressive rack under a bulky, turtleneck sweater. Yum! ;->
Velma. And now that I think about it, it explains so much. I always liked girls in glasses, hot librarians, grunge girls, and riot grrrls. I think Velma is where it all started.
Before movie, Velma. After movies, Daphne, but that’s cause I have a hard on for Sarah Michelle Gellar and I think Linda Cardellini is freaky weird.
Velma and Daphne are two of the worst female characters ever created by man. They reinforced stereotypes that beautiful women were dumb and that smart women were dumpy, wore glasses and were obnoxious. And if you happened to be a smart, dumpy, glasses wearing girl in the 70s, I would guess that you grew to hate them both with a level of passion you reserved for very few things. I know I did. It’s all well and good to proclaim universal love for geeky women now, but that’s a fairly recent phenomena.
SOMEONE takes their cartoons a little too seriously….
Velma. I have had enough smart. Smart wife, smart dog, smart cat — I’m exhausted.
er! Daphne! See, told you I was exhausted.
I was smart, dumpy and worse glasses, but I liked Velma. Maybe I was younger than Justme.
But! My answer is Shaggy. And the Professor. And Brock Sampson.
Nathan, it’s the accent as well, isn’t it? You can tell us. :)
Well, since both of them could go through numerous “adventures” with the same plot and same ending every time, and not figure out what was going on, I wouldn’t want either. I like intellegent women. That show makes Spongebob Squarepants look like an intellectual event.
“Shaggy, you Scoob and Velma go investigate the basement for clues. Daphne and I will go upstairs to the bedroom and see what we can find.”
Please move on to the relevant questions:
Wilma or Betty?
Betty or Veronica?
Cardboard or Burlap?
Fasten zip or zip fasten?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
wait….
forget that last one.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I never liked that show. So, I would pick neither and watch something else.
Velma…tell me you didn’t notice the way she filled that sweater out…
Ummm, yeah.
Velma. This is like Chuck Klosterman’s “Europe or the Moon” question. There’s not even a debate. Velma! And the moon.
Egad! You all watched *The MOVIE* ???
I’m so old…
Dark-haired Linda Cardinelli beats Sarah Michelle Gellar. In the cartoon, I always thought Velma’s turtleneck concealed at least three chins, which I found a turnoff. If that makes me shallow, so be it. Daphne, please.
Triana, Molotov Coqtiz, or Dr. Girlfriend?
Amy or Leela?
Miss Piggy or Skeeter?
The only thing that Daphne has over Velma is the red hair. That, and SMG played her in the live-action movie. Even then, Velma STILL wins.
Velma. Straight girls are too much trouble.
Velma, but I am heavily influenced by Linda Cardellini’s portrayal. That said, it was Velma earlier – Daphne always seemed snobby.
I’ve always said Daphne, if only to get her out of that horrible purple dress. I also have a thing for redheads.
I still say Daphne, even though the movie version was a little hot, and SMG left a little to be desired.
Everyone else is lying or has kinky girl-nerd fetishes (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Velma. She is smart and look at her curves. She has got Brains and Boobs; the three B’s of pulchritude.
I am willing to bet that Velma dresses up real nice.
I have heard that she does not like boys, but so what. She is famous (and an animated character) therefore her alleged sexual orientation does not reduce my chances in any material way.
Cheers
Andrew
Velma – I reckon she’s got some great ink under that jumper.
BJS nailed it. “Betty or Veronica?” is the central question, all the rest is mere knock-off.
I remember my son grasping the idea
of pop culture recursion when I demonstrated that the Banana Splits were a knock-off of the Monkees that were a knock-off of the Beatles.
He later found a knock-off of the Banana Splits to support the theorem.
The Beatles, as everyone knows, were an avatar of Orpheus. It is well known in Hindu theology that a God can manifest in multiple incarnations at once which, by the lemma of convservation of godhood, add up to one God. For instance, there is a Hindy tale of a God incarnating as 3 brothers, one who was 1/2 the God and the other two being 1/4 of the God each.
The Beatles were, to thus quantify, an incarnation of Orpheus (or Apollo or whomever) as John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr = God(1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4 + 1/4).
Yes, some quibble about extra fourthnamely:
(1) Pete Best
(2) Stuart Sutcliffe
(3) Pete Shotton, member of precursor bands (such as the Quarrymen)
(4) Colin Hanton, member of precursor bands (such as the Quarrymen)
(5) Len Garry, member of precursor bands (such as the Quarrymen)
(6) Eric Griffiths, member of precursor bands (such as the Quarrymen),
(7) Rod Davis, member of precursor bands (such as the Quarrymen),
(8) Jimmy Nicol, temporary Beatles drummer, Dutch and Danish legs of the 1964 tour,
(9) Andy White, temporary Beatles drummer,
(10) Tommy Moore, temporary Beatles drummer,
(11) Brian Epstein, band’s manager from 1961 to his death in 1967,
(12) George Martin, producer (who paradoxically in an interview in the 1990s describing Epstein’s involvement in the band’s rise to fame, George Martin declared “He’s the fifth Beatle, if there ever was one”,
(13) Neil Aspinall, close personal friend of the group, and their road manager, promoted to personal assistant, and eventually CEO for Apple Corps,
(14) Mal Evans,
(15) NOT at any time manager Allen Klein, else why would they sue him?
(16) Derek Taylor, press agent and confidant of the Fab Four, later press officer for Apple Corps, then a VIP at Apple,
(17) Tony Sheridan, noting that for a few years Sheridan was the bigger name, with The Beatles as his backing band,
(18) good case for Billy Preston, since apart from Sheridan, pianist Billy Preston was the only artist to receive joint credit on a Beatles single (“Get Back”) and also played organ on “Let It Be” and Rhodes electric piano on “Don’t Let Me Down” and “Get Back”,
(19) nonmusician Wilfred Brambell, with plausible claim to be one of the five stars of a Beatle movie (A Hard Day’s Night), such a clean old man,
(20) Photographer Astrid Kirchherr, girlfriend of Stuart Sutcliffe and acquaintance of Sutcliffe’s then-fellow Beatles (Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, and Best),
(21) by a stretch, Muhammad Ali, formerly known as Cassius Clay, was often referred to as the fifth Beatle, as a result of his similar effect to society and culture through entertainment: “He was a ‘crossover’ artist before the term found its application in youth culture and the music world; he was the ‘Fifth Beatle,’ a deracinated, classless, alien, anti-establishment figure of broad appeal” [Sammons, Jeffrey T. “Beyond the Ring – The Role of Boxing in American Society”. University of Illinois Press. 1988.]
See also 9 “Spurious/joke claims” in wikipedia “Fifth Beatle”, plus 9 “Fictional Fifth Beatles” from Eddie Murphy’s Clarence Walker character, to Apu Nahasapeemapetilon in the episode where Lisa Simpson meets Paul & Linda McCartney (Apu claimed to be the fifth Beatle (though he mispronounces it “Bee-at-el”, rhymes with Seattle, also the same mispronunciation used by the Eastern cult in the film Help!); Paul’s eye-rolling response: “Sure you were, Apu.” And, of course, The Rutles’s “All You Need is Cash” refers to a “fifth Rutle”, “Leppo”, who “disappeared [in Hamburg] after stepping into a small chest with a small German fraulein.”
Sorry, obsessively needed this detail to work off the coffee (which tastes like ass) and make the point that Beatlemania is portrayed by Beatlemaniamania, which is portrayed by… ad infinitum.
I’ve been telling people for a long time, based on observing Venice, Paris, and New York New York in Las Vegas, and re-reading Niven-Pournelle’s Motie museums with remnants of older Motie museums in them, that the logical next theme casino should be Las Vegas Las Vegas. The motto? “What happens in Las Vegas Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas Las Vegas and doesn’t even get out to Las Vegas.”
So, as I was saying, Betty and Veronica. Whom one of the animated Beatles married, I think, and another made a serious pass at, and then Eric Clapton, no, wait a minute…
From “Red Dwarf”: the characters Lister and the Cat are confined to the infirmary, and growing a little stir crazy.
–Cat?
–Yeah?
–Is it just me, or is Wilma Flintstone incredibly sexy?
–Wilma Flintstone?
–Yeah.
— Wilma Flintstone is without a doubt the most desirable woman who has ever lived.
— That’s good. I thought I might be going a bit wacko. What about Betty?
— Betty Rubble?
— Yeah.
— Well, I would go with Betty… but I’d be thinking of Wilma.
— Yeah. Oh, this is nuts. What are we talking about?
— Yeah. She’d never leave Fred and we know it.
No caffeine for Mr Von Post.
I should not have to decide. I’d take both.
I’m going to have to go with Howard Cunningham.
Velma. Because smart girls are way hotter than airheads. Plus she’s got the little pleated skirt thing going.
A most excellent analysis.
Why yes, I am a graduate of Lesbian U, why do you ask?
A Smith alumna? Go, Pioneers!
Which reminds me, I also retain a disturbing fondness for Sarah Jane Smith.
Did Vos Post just make that up or did he cut and paste a previous post from his personal blog?
They’re CARTOONS people! They’re not real! Scalzi is just toying with you, making you declare in public your Hentai attraction. You all fell into his trap!
…
Oh crap, it’s Velma. It’s always been Velma. Why are you even asking us this Scalzi?
Daphne. Velma would be a better conversationalists, but she is likely to have issues. Daphne may be an airhead, but air-heads mean no hang-ups.
Chris, I’ve know plenty of air-heads and they’ve all had hang-ups. Non-rational hang-ups.
velma. she’s totally naked underneath those clothes.
I wanted to date Velma and have a fling with Daphne.
Joyce, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Jenny, Faith, Anya, Dawn, or Tara?
Daphne,
I’m shallow, so what?
Velma. But I’d encourage her to dress like Daphne.
Wait, that’s me…
For those who just cant let things go….
…ALL of it
htom @ 82: Mirrorverse (Evil) Willow leads that entire field by several full laps.
Definitely Daphne from the cartoon. No doubt about it.
From the live-action movies I’d have to say Velma. Mostly because I can’t stand Sarah Michelle Gellar.
mds @ 76: I ran across an old picture of Elisabeth Sladen and Tom Baker just the other day, and was again stunned by just how babealicious she was. She still is, but now it’s in a totally MILFy kind-of- way.
htom @ 82: What’s wrong with you? Willow. Duh.
Ooh–can I change my last answer to Evil Willow, too?
OK, I’m sorry I forgot Evil Willow. I’m still conflicted between Joyce and Jenny, though and the others just seem too young to be in my dreams.
Evil Willow or 1998 Rolling Stone cover Red Leather SMG?
Talking animation – Daphne, cause it takes a real special guy to stick with a redhead but they are worth it. The only real drawback is their thin skin wrinkles early, but even then it is fun to find the freckle line.
Mary Ann beats Ginger but mostly because Ginger (Tina Louis) wasn’t really very attractive. Sorry Tina, but she had that overdone Hollywood “vampy” thing going on that never worked for me or, apparently, anyone else either.
Mary Ann (Dawn Wells?) on the other hand, had the girl-next-door good looks that have aged very well.
In modern days Alyson Hannigan is by far the most attractive beautiful woman around. I didn’t see the “Evil Willow” but I’ll second or third that vote.
Velma.
Smart zaftig brunette vs. bony ditzy blonde?
I don’t think I’d like to hang out with Fred, either.
Daphne all the way.
Velma. As in, Linda Cardellini. rrrAWr.
Even without Linda Cardellini, it’s still Velma.
Of course, if one could get both at the same time… BOO YA!
Also, Mary Ann, Betty Rubble and Veronica.
Htom, in order:
Faith, Evil Willow, Willow, Tara, Cordelia, Jenny, Buffy, Anya, ew, and EW.
(Mom? Little sister?! Yes, I overidentify, but still. Ew.)
Also, incidentally? Amber Benson is excessively cool. http://trent.blogspot.com/2008/01/pink-is-new-interview-with-amber-benson.html
Someone had to bring in “Buffy,” and “Gilligan’s Island” didn’t they? Someone always has to bring in Buffy and Gilligan’s Island.
{Bleargh}. If we’re going to branch out from the original question, let’s be sensible.
Zoe or Kaylee?
It’s a much harder choice than it first appears. But definitely Kaylee.
Kaylee, duh.
Although there is that whole ‘will she kill me when she’s done’ mystique going on with Zoe, it’s still Kaylee
Velma?? OH HELL NO! First off. What kind of name is that?!?
And as someone mentioned…WTF is “jinkies”? That would annoy me beyond belief…
So therefore Daphne. I hear she does wild things anyways..
Why does it have to be either/or? I want both!
Mmmmmm… Captain Mal. Nathan Fillion is teh awesome.
“Zoe or Kaylee?”
Oh, that’s easy. Here’s my answer.
Is her name not “Thelma”?
I’ll add that I’m willing to wait a few years for Kim Possible to be legal.
Velma – give me an intelligent conversation any day.
Zoe …She went after what she wanted…Kaylee’s character became too chaste after the pilot!
But since someone mentioned Buffy….I am with Jeri and will take Nathan Fillion but from the Buffy days when he got to play a bad bad guy instead of a the Firefly days where he was the conflicted good guy!
Does anyone feel like we have just played the Six Degrees from…game?
Neither, as cartoon characters go – no so much.
Betty Rubble, now there’s a real woman (a cave woman, but still…)
And if we’re going to go into the Firefly verse, Zoe, hands down. Quoting Wash here, “it was her legs that attracted me first. And her back. And the part where her legs meet her back. Yeah, that part especially…“
Velma–she’d be so grateful.
As for Kaylee or Zoe, uh, that all depends on what Zoe wants.
She IS the boss.
Movie: Velma
Cartoon: Daphne
If we can change the show/women in question….I would take Maryann over Ginger any day of the week.
Re: #78 Ed Says:
“Did Vos Post just make that up or did he cut and paste a previous post from his personal blog?”
This blog is NOT about me. But, since you ask…. As assisted by wikipedia, as cited, it was spontaneously composed in a Kerouacian riff in the Scalzi blog form, with no cut & paste from any other blog or email.
Was it Barth’s “Giles Goat Boy” or “Sotweed Factor” that has the Mendelian genetics of Gods, demigods, and mortals mating, with God dominant over Mortal if you’re hybrid?
And, @75 Roger, yes I was under the influence of Caffeine (extra-strength Fresh-ground Trader Joe’s French Roast coffee). Caffeine, runnin’ all ’round my spleen. Since the day of my emergency major surgery 9 Jan 2008, I’ve never had as much as 6 hours sleep in any night, and that fragmented. Coffee is, mixed with chutzpah, keeping me going. That and wanting to get well enough to return to teaching all day. That and having handed off today a 37-page draft paper + appendices for my co-author (the surgeon who saved my life) to redline and do his turn writing.
I’ll see him Friday for 2nd follow-up appointment at his clinic since discharged from the hospital 18 Jan 08 where I ran up a huge honking bill (at 20% copay, no cap) over 9 days. That and a fanatical devotion to the Autopope.
The Harlem Globetrotters.
*whistles innocently*
I will admit that I had a thing for the Little Mermaid.
Stop staring at me like that.
No, I’m just kidding. I’m a Belle man all the way.
I will admit that I had a thing for the Little Mermaid.
Struggles manfully to repress incipient joke about “a piece of tail”.
I’d like to further refine my “Evil Willow” answer earlier with a very specific choice that nobody suggested: the perfect Buffy babe is Good Willow disguised as Evil Willow.
You get the adorable personality, you get the corset. Cute goth. Have and eat cake. I win the interwebtubes. Again.
Yes, I’m pathetic.
Evil Willow bent on revenge for Tara’s death? Ick. I’m little worried and scared. All those face veins and the dark hair – yeesh!
But eric @ 114; Evil VAMPIRE Willow/ but not I can see. And the hottest thing on TV was when EVW licks Willow’s neck. SO HOT. So as a chick – I totally get it.
I would definitely take out Velma.
Hmm, good point – I was thinking more Vamp Willow than Vengeful Willow. Vengeful Willow wouldn’t be nearly as much fun on a date.
Velma all the way. I like the brainy ones. Besides, I think Velma’s already on the team.
I’m dating myself badly here, but if you’re considering fictional TV characters and don’t include Mrs. Emma Peel you’re just not trying…
“Daphne or Velma?”
I reject these ones in favor of the Alyx Vance.
Hmmm. Velma or a kitten. You can only save one from the terrible fire.
It’s unpossible! I choose to die a fiery death instead!
My picks…
Cartoon: Velma, from the current Scooby Doo series (“What’s New Scooby Doo”)
Live-action movies: Daphne (as played by Sarah Michelle Gellar). She’s got nice legs, a sexy voice, beautiful hair, and a very cute butt ; )