More Writing “Advice”

Not from me, from Stephen Granade. Here’s a sample:

Here’s the thing that you, the would-be fiction writer, have to understand about writing and publishing: it’s a big conspiracy. It’s a cabal. There are probably robes and secret handshakes and driving around in tiny cars while wearing fezzes. You can tell because every published writer denies it, and if there’s stronger proof than that, I don’t know what it is.

I for one deny it. Deny it emphatically.

24 Comments on “More Writing “Advice””

  1. Johne Cook – Wisconsin, USA – Technical writer by day, creative writer and editor by night, I like prog rock, film noir, space opera, and the Green Bay Packers.
    Johne Cook

    Are you sure it wasn’t a coffee cup? Because that would be ‘hot fez.’

  2. I have to hope that Nick at #7 is correct. . a few bits there are really too soul-less to be anything but satire. But then again, I don’t know Steve-O personally. Maybe he is soul-less.

  3. Never doubt that I am entirely in earnest. As someone who has no real stake in the business of writing, I have clearly been called to expose the ugly story behind said business.

  4. The fact that his entry has zero comments speaks volumes about the “audience” he’s speaking to.

    Poor guy. Can’t make money writing. It must suck to be so bitter.

  5. It IS a secret handshake conspiracy.

    And you know what? Getting into the cabal and knowing the secret handshake doesn’t do you a damn bit of good. You still have to be sellable to an agent, then an editor, then the marketing department, which, as the Trilateral Commission, the RIAA, and Up With People will tell you, almost always drops the ball in the quest for world domination.

  6. Charissa:

    You could always leave a comment.

    Also, I don’t really think Stephen is being bitter, so much as sardonic.

  7. Well, he’s got it wrong. We long ago moved to tailored suits with hidden pockets where we keep our secret decoder rings. . .

  8. Stephen Granade, you can expect the Tor Crack Ninja Team to arrive any minute now.

    Wait, Sclazi also has “awesome” ninja powers. Oh damn. It all makes sense. Run, Stephen, run. Nobody survives exposing the star chamber dealings of the mighty publishing industry.

    Everybody talks about the military industrial complex, or big oil, but nobody talks about the Mighty Publishing Industry, which means it’s the most secret of all cabals with roaming crack ninja teams just waiting to silence dissent. It’s all so clear now.

    Oh, the humanity.

  9. As Lily Tomlin–or Jane Wagner, to be more precise–once said, “The trouble with being cynical is that it’s impossible to keep up.”

  10. Carol Elaine – Spend my days being creative with acting stuff & cleaning up after animals for money. Spend my evenings cleaning cat puke for free. 'Tis a glamorous life.
    Carol Elaine

    From Stephen Granade’s entry:

    These days a lot of writers and editors have blogs. Read them. Leave sycophantic comments telling them how wonderful they are. Over time, it’s just barely possible that they’ll think of you as one of them.

    Why, I’ve been leaving sycophantic comments here for years! I can haz in?

    (This doesn’t mean I have to actually finish one of my books, does it? I mean, if I’m all in with the sycophantic actions, that should be enough, right?

    Oh, crap. )

  11. After reading Stepehen’s comments, I find myself wanting to chuck my whole laptop (no, not just what I’ve written…the WHOLE freaking thing) into the wood-chipper out back…

    Trying to get published is like trying to reach that itchy spot in the middle of your back…you try and try and try to get it, and just when you think you’re getting close, you find yourself stuck.

  12. Oo, oo, I’ve always wanted to belong to something that had a secret handshake! Maybe I’ll quit my job and be a writer!

  13. spacejock – Simon Haynes is the author of four Hal Spacejock novels, a number of articles on writing and publishing, and several short stories, one of which collected an Aurealis Award in 2001. He divides his time between writing fiction and computer software, with the occasional round of golf thrown in for a laugh. Born in the UK and raised in the south of Spain, Simon emigrated to Australia with his family in 1983. He's a founding member of Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine, and lives in Perth with his wife and two children.
    Simon Haynes

    It was about time someone fezzed up in public.

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