Posting It Here Before You All Feel Obliged to E-Mail it to Me
Posted on March 13, 2008 Posted by John Scalzi 33 Comments
Bacon Lollipops. Or as the Web page header puts it: “The least kosher lollipop in the history of candy.” Yes, well. That’s only until someone invents the bacon cheddar lollipop, now, isn’t it?
Did you place an order? Hmmmm?
A lollypop would be much easier to fasten to a cat than a slice of bacon. Just tape it to his collar.
JJS – or lick it a couple of times and get it matted into the cat’s fur… and then have “fun” getting it out.
Bacon cheddar lollipop is next on their list…
That’s only until someone invents the bacon cheddar lollipop, now, isn’t it?
Kosherness is a binary state. :)
Okay, I like bacon, I like lollipops. Looking at these, my instinct is to hurl.
But I could be wrong. I didn’t think I’d like jalapeno jelly until I tried some.
My friend made us maple-and-bacon cupcakes once. At first I was terrified, but I discovered that they were DELICIOUS.
So, what would be the *least kosher food possible*? I mean, combining the prohibition of pork with the prohibition of meat/dairy combinations is good, but could we come up with something plausibly edible that is *even worse*?
(As it stands, it sounds like a ham-and-cheese sandwich is Right Up There, and it wouldn’t be *too* unreasonable to include crab paste instead of mayonnaise. Is there a good way to make the bread non-kosher too?)
On my honeymoon I had shrimp wrapped in cheese and bacon. I think that qualifies.
Make the bread non-kosher by making sure the small amount of fat in it comes from pork lard.
Or, there’s always the bacon and shrimp pizza, with lard for the oil.
I seem to remember from my talmud days that the milk-with-meat prohibition only applies to kosher meat. Eating non-kosher meat is a sin–eating it with milk does not increase the sin. (This is significant, because an observant Jew is not allowed even to *cook* milk with meat, whether he eats it or not–but again, that only applies to kosher meat. He can make a cheeseburger for a non-Jew and it’s no sin at all, provided the beef isn’t kosher.)
So to make something extra-non-Kosher, you need to have a food that violates more than one rule, yes–but the “milk with meat” one won’t do it.
So, hrm… Bacon lollipops, with non-kosher grape juice in the flavoring (yes, grape juice can be non-kosher–long story), garnished with improperly-slaughtered beef, prepared by a Jew on the sabbath… and dedicated to a pagan idol? That’s a start.
Once in a bus in NYC I heard two elderly Jewish men debate over if Dinosaurs would have been Kosher. One held they were reptiles therefor not Kosher, the other that they were birds and would have been Ok for a nosh.
tceisele–if you want a clever way to make the bread non-kosher, make it in a large batch and don’t withhold the priest’s portion (“Hafrashat Challah”).
Andrew @13 and 15: You beat me to it!
To make things worse, throw in a little “ever min hachai”
(In a nutshell, meat taken from an animal while it’s still alive.)
Ari @ 16: Now that is just gross.
Mfitz (14): But would they have been kosher birds? Wouldn’t the carnosaurs be equated with birds of prey, in that analogy?
Bacon lollipops. My life is now complete.
Ari @ 16,
My father was such a stickler for eating tomatoes that were freshly picked I would tease him about eating them right on the bush. Until he actually did it. That shut me up. Only a father can cause such embarrassment to a teen.
Tripp, after I chewed out my kids (when they were toddlers) for picking and eating our grden tomatoes, they started eating them on the vine. Thought we had a giant hornworm in the garden for a brief bit, before the giggles gave them away.
Least kosher food? Go for broke. Bailey’s Irish Cream Jello™ shots with bacon sprinkles.
I once ordered milk with a roast beef sandwich in a deli (hey, I like phlegm). The old Jewish man behind the counter said, “If you get a soda instead of the milk I’ll give you the sandwich for a discount.” I did; he didn’t. But it was the best sandwich ever.
Does your kitten attack your feet while you’re in bed? I had to wear boots to bed when my Devil Cat from Hell was a baby. My wife said I was being a whimp, but those little claws are lethal!
— Dr. F
The deli near my apartment regularly layers up its griddle with an entire pig’s worth of bacon, giving the corner a rich aroma of frying streaks. Which is nice, because while I like the smell of bacon, I’m not particularly fond of eating it.
Bacon with maple syrup is yummy! Especially wrapped in a crepe. Mmmm. I’ve only had it warm, though. Room temp? Hmmm.
Agreed, maple and bacon go very well together – haven’t you ever had the bacon fall into the syrup you had poured on your pancakes? I’d rather put the bacon on the plate before pouring the syrup.
(Disclaimer: this only works when using Real Maple Syrup!)
I maintain that bacon cheeseburgers were the least kosher food… during Passover.
Believe it or not, the issue of dinosaurs’ kosher status has been discussed as a side issue in debunking a creationist argument about the biblical Behemoth. This argument counts sauropods as “beasts” (because they’re four-footed? I’m not sure) and outlaws them because they lack hooves and do not chew cud. All I can say from reading Leviticus 11 is that it isn’t very clear.
Modern reptiles seem to fall under a prohibition on creeping animals, but dinosaurs generally didn’t creep. On the other hand, there was nobody around to slaughter them properly, which I guess would make them automatically out of bounds.
I mostly thought it was a great discussion that put an interesting biblical spin on the rather hot modern scientific argument about just what dinosaurs were. Unless these guys had a time machine they haven’t told anyone about it was a purely academic argument.
One of the things that defines dinos as a group is a pelvis that creates upright posture, legs under the body, so no matter what else, they didn’t creep on their bellies.
I bet iguanodon would taste like chicken, but maybe not ostrich tastes more like beef than poultry. Now I can’t get the idea of brontosaur bacon out go my head.
Not to be eaten while swimming in shark-infested waters…
You’ve got to try Bacon Chocolate, too. Good stuff.
Everything tastes better with bacon . . .
A friend sent us a box of “Uncle Oinker’s Gummy Bacon”. Sadly the gummy bacon, while reasonably bacon looking, is actually stawberry flavored. On the plus side, it does come in a box with a ‘bacon viewing window’.
I’m waiting for the fried lard diet bars. :)