It’s All True

Why yes, there’s a squidpunk anthology, and yes, I’m a contributor. My own piece is an epic poem, “Ode to a Grecian Squid,” a touching tale about the love between a cephalopod and Hephaestus, the Greek God of manufacture, which enrages a jealous Poseidon, all told in Ionic Hexameter. Really, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever written, about a squid, in verse. And that’s saying something. So go buy it, and if you don’t I will never ever ever speak to any of you ever again. Ever. Seriously, it may be the anthology that saves us all. After reading it, you will never eat calamari again. Unless they cook it really well. With sea salt and lemon on the side. Mmm… lemony squid.

29 Comments on “It’s All True”

  1. Yeah, Happy April 1st, John. :-)

    I just had my moment of shock when reading “General Motors to buy Specialized Bicycle Company”… Fun!

    And that begs the question — what’s the most embarrassing April Fools Joke that you’ve been taken in by?

  2. …it may be (the) anthology that saves us all.”

    A year from now? Dude, CERN is going to unloose squidtacular, Lovecraftian doom upon us all before then. But thanks for trying.

  3. Ia Ia Sc’lzi Cthulhu fhtagn! Or something. I’m too tired to do anything original and Lovecraftian today. But even unread, I know your poetry is better than Lovecraft’s, (could anyone’s poetry be worse?) even if you’re writing about ordinary cephalopods…

    Going back to bed now.


  4. I thought John meant that it was “one of the best things he’s ever written about a squid in verse,” but then I recalled that when John uses commas, they mean exactly what he chooses them to mean – neither more nor less.

  5. “Ionic hexameter” tipped me off, which is a first for me, as I am so gullible it’s sad. *feels proud*

  6. Yeah, the “ionic hexameter” was a dead giveaway. No one’s written in that meter since Niels Bohr. Peramblic kilometer is much more the rage now.

    But enough about stylistics… Mr. Scalzi, is the whateveresque registration going to be unlocked today? I was hoping to sneak in, this being the first of the month.

  7. I snort-laughed when I saw the cover, especially the author list.

    Locus and SFScope have up some April Foolery as well.

  8. I wish this wasn’t an April Fools prank… I’d totally read it.

    My wife refuses to eat calamari because she thinks cephalopods are cool. I feel the same way about pigs. That’s right, no bacon.

    For maximum pretentiousness though, it really should be “Ode on a Grecian Squid”… I had a (pretty good) high-school English teacher who hated Keats with a passion, mostly based on that poem.

    But Dan Simmons seems to like him, so he can’t be all bad. Keats, that is.

  9. Mike @4:

    Thank you thank you thank you!

    That was amazing. The music, the narration, the plucky little buggers. Just perfect!

  10. Does that mean six ironies per line, evenly spaced? That’s an awfully demanding form. (Perhaps you could use some ironic substitutions, throw in a few garden-variety witticisms and a measure of biting sarcasm.)

  11. I find ionic hexameter a highly polarizing art form. Please, can we have a sample?

  12. I just want to know why you used an octopus tentacle? Is that the plot of one of the stories? Does a plucky young squid need to save… the guitar? from the loathsome grasp of a wicked octopus overlord?

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