I’ve Met John Scalvi’s Web Site

It is here.

16 Comments on “I’ve Met John Scalvi’s Web Site”

  1. Aha! We now learn why you had no Internet connection on Thursday. It was obviously a nefarious plot of John Scalvi to distract you while he launched his own Web site. Well played, Mr. Scalvi. Well played.

  2. John Scalvi is watching you. Always watching. The Unblinking Eye.

  3. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang, imbued with specialness

    John Scalvi hit me so hard my great great great grandchildren came back in time to sue me.

  4. Scalvi didn’t even flinch that time Uncle Abe tripped off the claymore he’d set in the outhouse. Thanksgiving, that was.

    You go on his website, you just know some shit’s coming down on your browser. Lucky if you don’t end up on some Federal watch-list.

    I never did find out how he got out of that sink hole. Maybe he wants his .45 back.

  5. I once shot John Scalvi in Reno, just to watch him die.

    He didn’t. Even though I shot him in the head. Many, many times.

  6. Just who/what is John Scalvi? And why? Did you ever ask yourself that? Well, did you?

    You probably shouldn’t.

  7. Is this a new meme? Take an active thread and make it it’s own blog? Sounds like something Scalvi would come up with.

  8. The trip to Lourdes didn’t work so John Scalvi has purchased a toupe

    ….and a bad one at that

    ….. how bad was it?

    …. Bad enough to stop the internet in Ohio…

  9. I once shot John Scalvi just to watch him die, then I got distracted and missed it. Oh my friends tried to describe it to me, but it just isn’t the same.

  10. Last time I met John Scalvi, he was debating with himself the merits of being visually represented by a strip of red ribbon and nothing else. Mind you, that was all he was wearing at the time.

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