Next Up: Putting Out Cigarettes On Her Arm

My wife, sticking her tongue into a buzzing, whirling fan blade, because she’s just that tough.

The real question: What’s scarier, the fact my wife thinks nothing of sticking her tongue into a whirling fan blade, just for the fun of it, or the fact that she’s looking at the camera with an expression that says what? Can’t you do this?

For the record: No. No I cannot.

Fear my wife, people.

41 Comments on “Next Up: Putting Out Cigarettes On Her Arm”

  1. “When you can cross the rice paper, Grasshopper, and leave no trace of your passing, then you will become.”

    “Uh, Sensei? Can’t I just stick my tongue in the fan and call it good?”

    “If you like. Behold, the whirling razor sharp titanium fan blades of death!”

    “Uh, where was that long roll of rice paper again, Sensei?”

    Dr. Phil

  2. Adam J. Whitlatch – Bonaparte, Iowa – Adam J. Whitlatch is the author of over sixty works of speculative short fiction and poetry, as well as the young adult science fiction novel E.R.A. - Earth Realm Army and the urban fantasy novella Retribution: Book I of the Blood Raven Saga. His work has appeared in Six Sentences, Northern Haunts: 100 Terrifying New England Tales, Dead Science, Shroud, Crossed Genres, The Drabbler, and Vicious Verses & Reanimated Rhymes just to name a few. Adam lives in southeastern Iowa with his wife and two sons. He is currently studying to become an English teacher.
    Adam J. Whitlatch

    Be Afraid. Be VERY Afraid.

  3. Oh ya, if she is so tough can she slice a tomato and make Julianne fries? huh? huh?

  4. Reminds me of my wife…

    When I told her I wanted a motorcycle she said

    “No… Unless I get one too…”

    So, now we go on fun trips together :-)

  5. She can slice a tin can and still remain razor sharp. In fact, I think John got a free egg slicer, and –put those checkbooks away!– a twelve-gallon jug of NuVinyl when he married her.

    Aside from that, ceiling fans these days aren’t all that scary. These little desk fans are a lot more wicked, so I’m impressed. Then again, she’s kind of got a look that says “I’m not stopping this with my tongue. Your forehead? Yes. My tongue? No.”

  6. Blahd on 13 Jun 2008 at 12:10 pm

    Not a very flattering photo.

    I think it’s a fine photo. It’s quite possibly proof that living with John can really take a lot out of a person.

  7. Blahd:

    So, you’re really the sort of person who goes out of their way to tell some one a picture of their wife isn’t flattering? You must be a ball at parties.

    I find the photo amusing, personally. And of course I had the sign-off from Krissy.

  8. Having met your wife in person, all I can say is she just went up by 12 cool points in my estimation, and she was already pretty high up there.

  9. Hey, my wife has that look too, we call it the “Petit Bateau” look (OK, this is totally unexplainable unless you know 90’s french ads)

    She is telling the Blahd’s of this work: “I will do what I want, when I want to, and screw you if you care – yes, I’m that tough..”

    Way to go, “Mrs Mother-of-John-Scalzi’s-daughter-among-other-personal-accomplishments.”

  10. For some reason, I feel this is an appropriate time for a R.K. Milholland reference. Now, I know that no time is an appropriate time to reference Milholland, but here it is anyway, for those of you with twisted enough senses of humor to enjoy painful comedy:

    The superhero’s girlfriend.

  11. I love that she both took the picture and gave her okay to posting it. Your wife, quite the sense of humor she has.

    Also, all due respect: she’s purdy.

  12. My wife can’t stand watching me put my feet in an open fire. I’m always careful to pass them through quickly enough that I don’t actually burn myself…

  13. I’d put a cigarette out on my arm before I stuck my tongue out at a fan. The things I do with my tongue are a lot more important to me than the things I do with my arm.

    I put candles out with my fingers all the time, but that’s easy.

  14. Perhaps John Scalvi’s wife grew from the ovum that had the other half of the DNA leftover from the ovum that begat Krissy. Mrs. Scalvi is probably short, with a wide chubby-cheeks face, sandy blonde hair and “so complying, that nothing will ever be resolved on; so easy, that every servant will cheat you; and so generous, that you will always exceed your income”.

  15. Isn’t it obvious the criticism was directed at the photographer and not the photographee? “Not very flattering”, to me, seems to state that she is more beautiful than the photo depicts.

    I guess I need to work on my Internet skillz.

  16. Your wife is hawt! The tongue-on-the-fan thing is hawt! The picture is just plain megahawt!

    Lordy mine, I’m gonna burn in hell!

  17. You’re telling me things I know, Alex. Well, the “wife is hawt” part. The part where you’re going to Hell is news to me.

  18. I take from this and an earlier photo of a melting Athena that you folks don’t believe in air conditioning?

    Don’t you have a cool basement to hide out in in the summer?

  19. This is the type of photo that’s going to be passed around by the grandkids many years hence, the ones who only knew you as old folks. It will get passed around, and the people who don’t know the back story will ask who it is, and Athena’s answer of “It’s Gramma Krissy” will draw everyone a bit closer to take another look at the photo.

    The women will notice Gramma Krissy’s expression, know what it was like to be her at that moment. The photo will transport them to one of their own cherished memories of time spent on a lazy afternoon having innocent fun with a lover and a camera.

    The men will notice what a hottie Gramma was, and feel weird mentioning it, so they don’t, feel weird even noticing it — does any man feel comfortable even thinking “My gran was a hottie?” But they will suddenly, silently understand why Grampa John always kept the photo tucked into his wallet.

  20. #7: can she slice a tomato . . .

    If Krissy can slice a tomato (which I don’t doubt at all), can she tell me where she got it? My menu for tomorrow has been recalled. :)

  21. I thought that the picture was a perspective fake out your eyes thing. You know, Krissy is actually sticking her tongue out at John for a probably good reason and the fan being between looks like it’s right in the face.

    Not that I’m saying that Krissy ain’t tough or anything that would get my sorry behind tromped on or anything…

  22. You don’t just stick your tongue in, silly. You kind of ease it in, testing the speed of the fan, bringing gradual pressure to slow it a little.

    I’ve done it; maybe it’s a girl thing. It doesn’t hurt, at least when working with a smallish plastic fan. I’m not sure I’d like to try it with a metal fan, or with a giant Vornado or something.

  23. John,

    OK, Then I’m definitely not saying anything that will get my sorry behind kicked.
    I have done the “Putting cigarettes out on the arm” thing, but I was much younger,stupider, drunker and in the Navy with a bunch of other Y,S,D and N idiots at the time.
    The scar has faded but Sheesh, I’m glad that Lazarus Long’s “Mature wisdom” thing has set in.

  24. That expression on her face, makes me wonder what you bet that she couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. That’s a “you lose, sucker” face if I’ve ever seen one.

  25. crotchetyoldfan – The Crotchety Old Fan is Steve Davidson, also know as Rimworlder on many SF forums. Steve maintains the Rim Worlds Concordance project which is devoted to the works of A. Bertram Chandler and his most enduring character - Commodore John Grimes of the Rim Worlds Naval Reserve. Grimes is science fiction’s original ‘Horatio Hornblower of Space’. More information about Chandler, Grimes and the Rim Worlds can be found at Steve also maintains a visual index of volume 1, number 1 pulp science fiction magazines on the same website and is a devoted collector of the same. ‘I’m an ‘old’ SF fan, which you can take whichever way you like, as I love the old masters (Heinlein, Clarke, Asimov, E.F. Russell, Piper, Cordwainer Smith) and I’m well beyond the age you’re not supposed to trust anymore’. This blog is devoted to an investigation of the growing divide between ‘old’ - or ‘classic’ science fiction and the moderan literary genre that is currently sold under the same name. Steve has also begun writing reviews for, expects to be doing the same for, and is contributing various non-fiction pieces to various other websites, all of them concerned with science fiction of one stripe or another. Early in 2008 he became completely disappointed with the SciFi Channel and created The Classic Science Fiction Channel website that gathers links to public domain radio, television, film and literary properties. Steve had a successful non-fiction writing career - writing articles and books dealing primarily with the paintball industry (Four books and several hundred articles including editorializing, product reviews, sports reporting, educational and more) - which he has since given up in favor of blogging and fiction. (Leaving the paintball industry after 25 years.) One final book on this subjected is scheduled to be released in early 2009 (A Parent's Guide To Paintball). Current work on fiction includes several completed novellettes/novellas curently in submission hell and various chapters of three novels. Freely distributed current work - including several chapters of a science fiction/paintball novel and a pulp/comic book/fairy tale mashup can be found on his website.
    steve davidson

    I’m impressed by your wife, just not that impressed with the act.

    Now, if you’d all been playing the ‘let’s spring the bear trap with our fingers’ game and had gotten a pic of that…

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