I Coin This Word in the Name of Humanity, Part II: Puckerguard

Just checked with Google to see if the word exists out there, and it doesn’t, so today’s new word:


Definition: Well, think about what part of your body puckers. Now think about what guards it. There you go.

Update: Some folks feel that the word works better in plural form (“puckerguards”). I think there’s room enough for both varieties, depending on context, don’t you?

First used: See previous column.

You’re welcome. Enjoy in good heath. Eat your fiber daily.

23 Comments on “I Coin This Word in the Name of Humanity, Part II: Puckerguard”

  1. I’m surprised it’s new. It actually sounds like you would find it in a Shakespeare comedy. Nice work.

  2. Thank you for formalizing the usage. I would have hated for my new fave term to be nonsense. Hated. Somewhere between a seething inferno of white-hot molten hate and that feeling you get when your socks bunch up in your shoes. Okay, I will stop the sentence fragments. Thanks again.

  3. Noah:

    You’re welcome. I did the Google search after your comment, in fact, and like Dave, was mildly surprised that it does not seem to be in use anywhere Google sees. Seems like someone else should have thought of it by now.

  4. Well there are two puckery bits I can think of… are we talking mouthguards or reinforced underwear here? The things that pucker themselves can’t be the guards because, well, they’re just puckery things.

  5. Oh, you mean the cheeks. Fair enuff then… but then shouldn’t it be “puckerguards”, plural?

    Anyway, nitpicking aside, an excellent word.

  6. Truly and excellent word, one that I look forward to using in conversations where one would normally shun such allusions. Beefwhistle is such a word, now there’s puckerguards (I prefer the plural).

  7. Well, perhaps it was thought of before, but like many inventions, it takes the right tweaking to make it popular. You, sir, can be the Ford of the word “puckerguard,” (minus the annoying anti-semitism.)

  8. Darn, you fixed the typo. I initially read it as “There’s rum enough for both varieties,” which, well, yes.

  9. Aaaand Whatever continues to be my greatest source for creative insults.

    “Bokele Thyn Puckerguard, thou Bilious Felch Monkey!”

  10. You know, for somebody who casually tossed out “feltch” and “goatse” (warning to newcomers, do not google those words without proper mental safety gear), you’re very circumspect about saying what “puckerguard” is really about.

  11. Because it’s amusing to be so in this context, Steve. Context! Your assurance of quality humor!