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It Has Been Completed

Yes. Finally. It is done.

What is it? It is this.

And it will be visited upon one of you.

Soon.

Yes, soon.

You should prepare yourself.

Although nothing can truly prepare you.

Because it is evil. Yet awesome.

And it is coming.

It can be held back no longer.

And when it arrives, you will know.

And you will tremble before it.

BWA HA HA HA HA HAH HA!

Hey, I remembered the evil laugh this time.

Excellent.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

93 replies on “It Has Been Completed”

I just want to know how you prounounce the “B” with an “H” partially superimposed on the bottom of it (on my screen the large letters overlap a little). Is that an airy “B” sound?

The last time you sent it my way, I had to shave it bald and use an industrial strength shampoo on it. Even then I ended up with a dead wall and a pregnant couch. Ever look for an abortionist for a couch?

And you still haven’t reimbursed me for the blue ringed octopus calamari and leather frottage polisher I had to provide the spoiled brat.

(No, I’m not going to tell you how much regenerating nasal passages itch. I don’t want to remember how much regenerating nasal passages itch.)

Trouble is, I do NOT have the fertile and evil Scalzi imagination. I, a mere mortal, have no chance of even having an inkling of what mayhem it may have produced. It has taken you over three months. This makes me very, very scared.
Maybe there will be photos, I hope there are photos, I like photos.

Dude, we know you opened your own Counter-Creation Museam… And frankly, I’m not impressed. It looks like ever other natural history museam. Except for that part where you maintain that T. Rex loved him some bacon. The baby FSM weeps at your mangling of the geological record.

Oh no! My nemesis. the Deliberately Vague Man has completed his non-specified task! If only I could do something, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to react to!

Blast you, Deliberately Vague Man!

Dude, we totally got you monologuing, and now the hero is going to totally fsck-up your plans.

But first, the heroine/love interest will accidentally start the unstoppable timer on the doomsday machine. With her ass.

In the first post, Scalzi mentioned that the wheels were set in motion. So, now that “It’s been completed”, we can only assume that the wheels have stopped. Inasmuch as we all know his proclivity for Journey, it therefore only follows that the Wheel in the Sky is no longer turning, and John Scalzi is no longer trying to make it home, and he does know where he’ll be tomorrow.

So, in other words, John is going to kick back at home for two days. Yeah, kind of a let-down, isn’t it?

It’s your debut single, isn’t it?

I told you, “Don’t Stop Believin'” is something you have to build to! You should have started smaller!

Oh well, it’s your career. Maybe K-Fed will want to impregnate you.

Heh. I post here so seldom that I get to be pretty sure I won’t be getting it.

And that means butterscotch Schadenfreude pie. Yum!

“Blucher!” *insert sound of horses winneying*

But seriously, I’m leaving really early Saturday for vacation, (going camping in western PA) so if it’s me, please bring it on soonest. I’m ready with my hatchet, bow and arrows.

Well, seeing how the “It Has Begun” entry was posted on my birthday, and seeing how the universe does indeed revolve around me (sorry to burst any bubbles out there), it only follows that I am the one on whom this awesomely evil thing will be visited.

Whether this is a good thing or not remains to be seen, but I wait patiently. Just remember to call my cell number, since I never answer the front gate buzzer (it’s connected to my roommate’s phone, which I never answer).

So, the Bacon Ray is completed?

. . .

Now, here’s something scary: After writing the above comment, I decided to do a Google search on “bacon ray”.

OMG, there really was such a thing! “Bacon Ray” was the name of a rock band in the 1990’s. Eep.

Well it can’t be the fractured english ninjas John threatened me with; they’re all at the wrong end of a sticky death.
(Eating too many cinnamon buns will do that do you)

I tremble in anticipation of the aweful evilness of it all.

Oh, sorry…awesome evilness…of it all.

But if it turns out to be cat poo or doggy doo, maybe “aweful evilness” is the correct description.

Do I have to tremble before it? Can’t I just run away, and then tremble after it when I feel (if misguidedly) safer?

we don’t get a whole lot of awesome evil around here since that noce Captain Harkness moved in nex door, so I’m a little out of practice.

I have to admit dioramageddon was coined by our host for this exhibit at the Creation Museum.

I just trademarked it.

(I appreciate the effort gone to with “Counter-Creation”* – analogous to the Counter-Reformation? – but felt I could still delibrately misunderstand it.)

* Rather than “Anti-Creation” Museum, which I would probably have felt compelled to misunderstand as the creation museum on the opposite side of the road to the original creation museum.

I have already put my protection in place. See below.

Answering machine says: “Esther is not at her desk right now or she’s on another call. Leave a message and she will return your call as soon as possible. If your name is John Scalzi then you have reached the wrong number and your message will be deleted without being listened to.”

I was pretty sure I’d heard of dioramagddeon before. But its all in fun. Since Scalzi has been more tease and less treat than a PG-13 movie lately, we have to make our own.

Not that Scalzi shouldn’t be writing pay copy instead of playing with us groundlings.

Brett @71:
Just inscribe the runes “ampersand ell tee semicolon eff you en en wye ampersand gee tee semicolon …mumblestuff … ampersand ell tee semicolon slash eff you en en wye ampersand gee tee semicolon”, spin around three times and spit on the ground, and Bob’s the male sibling of one of your parents.

<funny>
Not that Scalzi shouldn’t be writing pay copy instead of playing with us groundlings.
</funny>

“Yes. Finally. It is done.

What is it? It is this.

And it will be visited upon one of you.”

Right after this post, it arrived. Eight minutes isn’t much of a warning. It nailed a 5.4 on the Richter Scale. Literally. Please to be moving your aim further away from Cali. Will send Double-Doubles as incentive, soonest. kthx.

Oh goody!
Are the batteries included or do I have to go out and buy some?
Lauretta

PS It’s the least I can do after being blessed/cursed with so much laughter. You guys rock.

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