Toward a Canonical List of Zombie Rhymes

I’m off at an ungodly early hour to catch my flight to Denvention and am likely not to be back on at all today. So while I’m away, here’s something to keep you busy:

Make Zombie Rhymes.

What are zombie rhymes? Well, they’re like this:

Q: What do zombies like to eat?
A: BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Q: What do vegetarian zombies like to eat?
A: GRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Q: What do vegetarian zombies eat when they’re on vacation in Jamaica?
A: PLANTAAAAAAAINS.

Q: What is the favorite city of Illinois zombies?
A: DES PLAAAAAAINES.

Q: What are zombies’ favorite scale model entertainment?
A: MODEL TRAAAAAINS.

Okay, now you try one.

214 Comments on “Toward a Canonical List of Zombie Rhymes”

  1. paranoyd – I am a father, an aspiring writer, and avid gamer. I am also into horror and scifi. I'm currently the Adventure league Local Coordinator for my area, and I'm really into the new FFG Star Wars RPG system. And I love a good curry.
    Corby Kennard

    What do zombies like to sing?

    REFRAAAAAAINS

  2. Adam J. Whitlatch – Bonaparte, Iowa – Adam J. Whitlatch is the author of over sixty works of speculative short fiction and poetry, as well as the young adult science fiction novel E.R.A. - Earth Realm Army and the urban fantasy novella Retribution: Book I of the Blood Raven Saga. His work has appeared in Six Sentences, Northern Haunts: 100 Terrifying New England Tales, Dead Science, Shroud, Crossed Genres, The Drabbler, and Vicious Verses & Reanimated Rhymes just to name a few. Adam lives in southeastern Iowa with his wife and two sons. He is currently studying to become an English teacher.
    Adam J. Whitlatch

    Q: What do sloppy zombies get on their clothes when they eat?
    A: STAAAAAAAAAINS.

  3. paranoyd – I am a father, an aspiring writer, and avid gamer. I am also into horror and scifi. I'm currently the Adventure league Local Coordinator for my area, and I'm really into the new FFG Star Wars RPG system. And I love a good curry.
    Corby Kennard

    Why do zombies take their clothes to the laundry?

    STAAAAAAAAINS

    What is a zombie’s favorite underwear?

    HAAAAAAAAINS

    What construction equipment are zombies good at running?

    CRAAAAAANES

    What Magic:The Gathering card is a zombie’s favorite?

    PLAAAAAAAAINS

  4. Where do zombies get their sugar?

    CAAAAAAAANES

    Why do zombies pay such high taxes?

    CAPITAL GAAAAAAAINS

    What do bad zombie puns give me?

    PAAAAAAAAINS

    What did zombie Eliza Doolittle sing?

    THE RAAAAAAAIN IN SPAAAAAAIN STAAAAAAYS MAAAAAAAAINLY…OH, SCREW THIS *NOM NOM NOM*

  5. What is a zombie’s favorite breed of dog?

    GREAT DAAAAAANES

    Who is zombie Tarzan’s favorite girl?

    JAAAAAAAAAANE

    What is a zombie’s favorite musical?

    FAAAAAAAAAAME

  6. Daniel Ross – Hi, I'm Daniel Ross, and I'm a nerd. My big joys in life are learning about new things, figuring out how things work, and making things work better. One of the things I spend a lot of time on in the "making better" column is life in general. I've got political opinions ohboy. I probably won't talk about 'em that much here, though. On my own time, I spend a lot of time exploring and having new experiences. That might be as planned as taking a vacation out into the woods to hike a new trail I read about. It might be as simple as hopping a Muni bus and riding until I don't know where I am, or eating somewhere different every time I go out. I also have a shifting collection of other hobbies. I'm an avid reader, and Someday I Will Write a Novel(™); I make chainmail jewelry; and when all else fails, there's always taking your day job home with you by hobby coding.
    Nentuaby

    Andrew Hackard, sadly, already sniped my contribution with that third one.

    Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. OW.

  7. What did Zombie Grendel eat?
    DAAAANES.

    What’s a zombie’s least favorite injury?
    SPRAAAINS.

    What’s a zombie’s favorite poetic form?
    QUATRAAAINS (actually, villanelles, because they’re so repetitive)

    What do zombie physicists study?
    BRAAAANES.

  8. Where does the zombie DWP do most of its work?

    ON THE MAAAAAAAAAAINS

    Where are most zombie car collisions?

    IN LAAAAAAAANES

    Who’s a zombie’s favorite actor?

    BILLY ZAAAAAAAANE

    Speaking of Zanes, do zombies like the work of the erotica writer with that same name?

    NO WAAAAAAY

    Well, whose work do zombies like?

    MARK TWAAAAAAIN

  9. How does a Zombie play dead?

    He FEEEEIIIIIIIGNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!!!!

    What’s a Zombies favorite Welsh beer?

    BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINSSSSSS!!!

    What’s a Zombies favorite court?

    SMALL CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIMSSS

    What’s a Zombie’s favorite defense publication?

    JAAAAAAAANNNNNNE’SSSSSS

  10. What is a zombie’s favorite type of chemical?

    ALKAAAAAAANES

    Where would a zombie most want to travel in Great Britain?

    BRISBAAAAAAANE

    What does a zombie want the moon to do?

    WAAAAAAAAAANE

    Who does a Democrat zombie dislike the most?

    MCCAAAAAAAAIN

  11. Who’s a zombie’s favorite character on the Dukes of Hazzard?

    ROSCOE P. COLTRAAAAAAAAAAAIN

    What do zombies fear most in cold climates?

    CHILLBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

  12. Where do the zombies eat their brains?

    ON THE PLAAAAAAAAIN, ON THE PLAAAAAAAAIN

    And where’s that blasted plain?

    IN SPAAAAAAAAAIN, IN SPAAAAAAAAIN

    All together now: The brains in Spain fall mainly on the plain!

  13. I’m shocked that my contribution hasn’t appeared yet!

    What does a zombie mechanic do?
    he MAINTAAAAAAAAAAINS

    A slightly different spin on a previous contribution: what does the teetotal zombie do?
    REFRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

    What is every zombie’s favourite musician?
    John COLTAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    Where does the zombie get his water?
    From the MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

    The zombie wielding rhymes ENTERTAAAAAAAAAINS

    And finally, what does the zombie think with?
    STOMAAAAAAAACH

    That may not have been as clever as I though it was?

  14. What is the favorite hobby of zombie science fiction fans?

    COMPLAAAAIIIIIIINNNN.

    What is the favorite attitude of zombie editors?

    DISSSDDDAAAAIIIIIIINNNN.

    What’s good advice for wanna-be writers?

    REEEFFFRRRAAIIIIIIIINNN.

  15. Who’s the favorite SF editor of zombies?

    Jim Baaaaaeeeen.

    The zombie anti-nuclear proliferation group: SAAAANE.

  16. Which kind of cake inspires Zombie writers?

    MADELEEEEEEEEEINES

    What do Zombie gourmets despise the most?

    Fast food CHAAAAAAAAAAIIIINS.

  17. catvincent – Yorkshire, England – I'm Ian Vincent, but most folk call me Cat. I'm a writer on the subjects of the occult, Forteana and magical practice, an occasional writer for Fortean Times and a contributing editor to The Daily Grail. I'm a former professional exorcist and combat magician. I'm fascinated by everything that does not fit easy categories, Forteana and general weirdness. I also love movies, much SF, some comic books and awful puns. I live in Hebden Bridge, Yorkshire with my wife, the artist Kirsty Hall.
    Cat Vincent

    Who have the least interesting brains to eat?

    MUNDAAAAANNNNNEEESSS!

  18. What do zombie drug dealers sell?

    Cocaaaaaaaine

    What happens to them after they’re arrested?

    They’re arraaaaaaaaigned.

  19. Who’s the zombie’s favorite cast member in a Harry Potter Movie?
    Robby Coltraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine!
    Who’s a zombie’s favorite singer?
    Frankie Laaaaaaaaaaaine!

  20. How do Zombie’s travel across Europe? (respin of a previously used rhyme)
    Traaaaaaaaains

    What does Zombie Hans Christian Anderson Eat?
    Daaaaaanes (respin of a previously used rhyme)

    What do Zombie Cows eat?
    Dead Graaaaaaaains

    What happens to Zombies that meet Buffy?
    They’re slaaaaaaaain

    Who’s the hardest working Zombie in Show Business?
    Rick Jaaaaaaaames

    Who’s the meanest Zombie on the Serenity?
    Jaaaaaaaaaayne

    What happens to arctic zombies?
    Chillblaaaaaaaaaiiiins

    What do zombie shaolin monks study?
    Southern craaaaaaane (respin of a previously used rhyme)

    What do zombie bees feed their queen?
    I dunno… royal jelly?

  21. Q: Who is the zombies’ favorite Dixie Chick?
    A: NATALIE MAAAAAAAAAAINES.

    Q: Whose suicide do zombies find most tragic?
    A: KURT COBAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.

    Q: What do zombies use to reverse the effects of hair loss?
    A: ROGAAAAAAAAAAINE.

    Q: Who is the zombies’ favorite character actor?
    A: BOYD GAAAAAAAAAAAINES.

    Q: What film character’s catchphrase do zombies find overly cliche?
    A: JOHN McCLAAAAAAAAAAANE’S.

    Q: What is the zombies favorite brand of pickles?
    A: CAAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.

    Q: Which presidential candidate’s proposed energy policy do the zombies like least?
    A: JOHN McCAAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.

    Q: What brand of fine quality writing paper do the zombies use to send thank you notes?
    A: CRAAAAAAAAAAANE’S.

  22. Ugh puns. Damn you, Scalzi!

    What do zombies drink to celebrate?
    Champaaaaaaaaain.

    What do you call a cosmopolitan zombie?
    Urbaaaaaaaaaaaane.

    What do zombies shilling for the GOP call Obama?
    B. Huseeeeeeiiiiin.

  23. Whose street magic do zombies like best?
    DAVID BLAAAAAAAAAAINE’S

    Who are zombie’s favorite minor Star Trek characters?
    ZEPHRAM COCHRAAAAAAAANE and
    VIC FONTAAAAAAAINE

  24. When do older zombies get joint pain?
    When it raaaaains.

    Do zombies use recreational drugs?
    They refraaaaaainnn.

    What do zombies use when they have a headache?
    Head-on, apply directly to the braaaaaaain.

  25. Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall
    Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
    Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
    I really wish you’d let us in
    I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
    Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
    But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming

    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
    If you open up the doors
    We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

  26. Who was the zombie founder of Quebec?

    Samuel de Champlaaaaaain!

    What is the favourite zombie women’s magazine?

    Chatelaaaaaain!

    Which actor did zombies like most in Kill Bill?

    Uma Thurmaaaaain!

  27. What is the toughest problem zombie computer scientists face?

    Creating AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

    (lacks the final “n”, I know. It’s not nice to make fun of zombie computer scientists who have speech impediments.)

  28. What aristocrat do zombies admire most?

    ELEANOR OF AQUITAAAAAAAINE!

    What do kinky zombies like?

    WHIPS AND CHAAAAAAAAINS!

  29. What do zombie anesthesiologists want?

    Paaaaaaaaaaaaains!

    What does the zombie SEC tax?

    Capital gaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

  30. Q: What do zombies have when they steal brains?
    A: ILL GOTTEN BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

    And, as a bonus:

    Q: What do zombies have when they steal wheat?
    A: ILL GOTTEN GRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

  31. What kind of books do cheap zombies buy?

    remaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinders.

    Alternately, what do zombie integers produce when they try to divide into each other?

    remaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinders.

  32. What superhero do zombies like?
    Dr. Straaaaaaaaange.

    What freaked out the zombie dad when his zombie wife gave birth?
    The placenta. He hates membraaaaaaanes.

  33. When teenage zombies roam the halls
    Of local schools and shopping malls,
    Despite their elders’ classic refrains
    Instead of calling out for brains
    These horny undead newbies,
    Lurch around moaning, “BOOOBIEES”.

  34. What do zombies with thinning hair use?

    ROGAAAAAAAAAAINE…. (because they can’t pronounce Minoxodil with a mouthful of brains).

    Who is the zombies favourite butler in Batman movies?

    Michael CAAAAAAAAINE………

  35. What do zombies get when their brains have spoiled?

    PTOMAAAAAAAINE (poisoning)

    … when their hair is thinning?

    ROGAAAAAINE

  36. What do zombies consult to see which way the wind is blowing?
    WEATHER VAAAAAAANES!
    (Except for Zombie Bob Dylan, of course).

  37. What’s a zombie’s favorite asterism?
    Charles’ WAAAAAIIIINNNNNN

    What’s a zombie’s favorite long-lived Venetian painter?
    TitiAAAAAAAAAN

    Who’s a zombie’s favorite potential Democratic VP pick?
    Tim KAAAAAAAINE

    Two (2!) Bonus Alternate Monster Rhymes

    What’s a werewolf’s favorite Chinese philosophical system?
    The DAOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Who’s a vampire’s favorite pioneering aviator?
    BLEAHriot.

  38. What’s a zombie’s favorite Gene Kelly movie?
    Singing in the RAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN

    Where did the zombie lose it’s wedding ring?
    Down the DRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIN

  39. Zombies’ Eastern European country of choice?
    Ukraaaaaiiiine

    Zombies’ favorite piece in China Mieville’s Looking for Jake?
    The Taaaaaaiiin

  40. What’s a zombie’s favorite state?
    MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINEE

    What do zombie environmentalists hate most?
    ACID RAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN

  41. What are zombie Crazy Eddie’s prices like?

    INNNSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    Who’s zombie Batman’s worst nemesis?

    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNE

    If a French zombie is being polite, he or she would grunt:

    SIL VOUL PLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
    (I probably have the spelling wrong)

  42. What type of habit is hardest for a zombie to break?

    INGRAAAAINED

    What street do the zombies lurch down?

    MAAAAAAIIIN

    What do zombie sheep get?

    MURRAAAIIIIN

  43. What the zombie king does?

    REEEEIIIIGNNNNS

    How zombies look on people who didn’t read all the comments before posting a duplicate?

    DISDAAAAAAIIN ;)

  44. What are zombies sick of hearing about?

    CAMPAAAAAAAIGNS!

    What does a zombie moderator do when seeing another off-topic post about the above topic?

    First COMPLAAAAAAAINS! that it’s not GERMAAAAAAIN! and EXPLAAAAAINS! the posting policy which one ATTAAAAAINS! on the board’s FAQ page which CONSTRAAAAINS! what people may post but SUSTAAAAAINS! ease of communication and REMAAAAAAINS! in force while the moderator REIIIIIIIGNS!

    Trolls will be SLAAAAAIN!

  45. Q: What are a zombie’s favorite shoes?
    A: Mary JAAAAAAAANES.

    Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite holiday snack?
    A: Candy CAAAAAAANES.

    Q: Why don’t zombies like zombie jokes?
    A: Because they are INAAAAAANNNE.

  46. Hey, I work in Des PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINES and I can tell you, it really is true. Or at least where I work.

    What do Zombie Investors hope for?

    Unrealized GAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

  47. Heh, I work in Des Plaaaaaaaines too. A reference locals will get:

    What’s the Des Plaines Zombie’s biggest pain?

    Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains…

  48. What’s part of France did German zombies annex in 1940?

    ALSACE-LORAAAAAAAAINE

    What was the rallying cry for the Spanish-Zombie war?

    REMEMBER THE MAAAAAAAINE!

    Who was in love with Superzombie?

    LOIS LAAAAAAANE

  49. Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite Swedish melodic death metal band?

    A: In Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames.

    I thought of the children. I’d rather they be corrupted.

  50. Q: Zombie’s best friend?
    A: A loyal Great DAAAAAAAAAANE

    Q: A Zombie’s favorite made up singer?
    A: Chris GAAAAAAAAINES

    (Ok, not even zombies like Chris Gaines. That is just me trying to be witty.)

  51. She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie?
    COCAAAAAAAAAINE.

    And I wonder, still I wonder?
    WHO’LL STOP THE RAAAAAAAIN.

    Zombie sing-along!

  52. With what do zombies see non-zombies?

    DISDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN

    What do male zombie lions have?

    A MAAAAAAAAAANE

    Which movie is the favorite of old discerning zombies?

    CITIZEN KAAAAAAAAAAANE!

  53. Zombies favorite lake in Louisiana?
    Ponchartraaaaaain!

    Favorite winery?
    Chateau Souveraaaain!

    Favorite song?
    Traaaain in Vaaaaain!

    Favorite song from a Musical?
    The Raaaain in Spaaain falls Maaaainly on the Plaaain!!!

    ok. i’ve had enough.

  54. I’m sorry if this has been done, but I can’t look through all of them.

    What’s a zombies favorite internet meme?

    Chocolate Raaaaaaaains!

  55. I’m very sorry to have to complaaain
    about the political incorrectness of this whole refraaaain
    but please allow me to explaaain,
    that as a zombie with a braaaain,
    who’s trying to run a political campaaaaign,
    to highlight our plight in this domaaaain,
    I find it totally inhumaaaane
    to treat my people to this disdaaaain.
    I would therefore ask you to kindly abstaaaaain
    from allowing your friends here to maintaaain
    their constant insults in this veeeein.
    If not, we’ll be forced to get the traaaain,
    or possibly even our old warplaaaane,
    and drag you off to the Ukraaaaine
    where we’ll force upon you much cocaaaine,
    and extra helpings of bad chow maaaain,
    heavily laced with dogsbaaane, woflbaaane or ptomaaaine.
    We’ll then cause you such great paaaaain
    with our flame-throwers powered by butaaane,
    that you’ll never be the saaaame,
    Your guts will smell like a proverbial draaaain,
    as you begin farting pure methaaane,
    You’ll take to dancing naked in the raaain
    and end up going by the name of Jaaaane.

    (I’m sorry, so very, very sorry. Once I started I couldn’t stop – if it helps, being this inaaaane has given me eyestraaain and my great Daaaane, Elaaaine thinks I’ve gone completely insaaaane. Sorry. Really sorry.)

  56. How can you tell the Zombie Lions from all the other animals in the zombie zoo? By their maaaaaannnnneeeeesssss of course, silly.

    Zombie Supermans love interest?
    Lois Laaaannneeee

    How does a zombie order his brains at the drive thru?
    Plllllaaaaiiiiinnnn

    What movie musical is a favorite among zombies?
    Faaaaaaammmmmmeeeeee

    Favorite work out guru among zombies?
    Jack Laaaaaallllllllaaaaaiiiinnneeee

    Zombies favorite place to find love sick brains?
    Lovers Laaaaannnnneeee

  57. When zombies go bad(der) they become?
    VILLAAAAAAAAINS!!

    What’s a zombies favorite addiction?
    JAAAAAAAAAAANE’S!!

  58. On what do zombies blame President Bush’s low citizen happiness numbers?

    BRAAAAAINS

    Very funny. Now who is the zombie’s favored presidential candidate?

    BRAAAAAAAAINS

    That’s not a candidate. Do zombies tend to skew conservative or liberal?

    BRAAAAAAAAAAAINS

    Look, I don’t see any reason to continue if your not OW!

    *nom* *nom* *nom*

  59. Who played third wheel to Aphrodite and Adonis all those times?
    HELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE

    Who do you wish would just shut UP and identify your damn items?
    DECKARD CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

  60. Was going to make a zombie top 10, but I’m gonna be late for work.

    1. The Zombie formerly known as Prince
    Purple RAAAAAIIIN

    2. The Zombie Beatles
    Penny LAAAAAAANE

  61. Which Indian religious minority do Zombies prefer?
    JAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNSSS

    Why do so many Zombies have an affinity for David Carradine?
    SHHHHHAAAAANNNNNNNEE

  62. If Tay Zonday were bit by a zombie he’d become…?
    TAY ZOMBAAAAAAAYY

    Then of course he’d have to call his song…
    CHOCOLATE BRRAAAAAAAIIINN

    **I move my mouth away from the mic to eat brains

  63. If someone objects to something said in a court room, the zombie judge presiding will likely say:

    SUSSTAAAAAAAAAAINED

  64. Niles Gibbs – In an effort to achieve a state of skilled unawareness, I explore eastern and western thought, nerdlife, and self-sufficiency.
    Niles Gibbs

    Where do zombies take their siesta?

    SPAAAAAAAAAAIN

  65. Niles Gibbs – In an effort to achieve a state of skilled unawareness, I explore eastern and western thought, nerdlife, and self-sufficiency.
    Niles Gibbs

    Who plays zombie Alfred?

    MICHAEL CAAAAAAAAAAINE

  66. What do zombies hate most on the internet?
    FLAAAAAAME (wars)

    How do zombies like their cats?
    TAAAAAAAME

    What do zombies like most about Simba?
    His MAAAAANE

    How do zombies tell which way the wind is blowing?
    Weather VAAAAAAANE

    How do zombies get haemorrhoids?
    They STRAAAAAAIN.

  67. How did zombies get to Kennedy airport in the early 1980s?

    They took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES, took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES, took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES…

  68. limerick or villanelle, zombies write poems which CONSTRAAAAAIN
    to proper form — while spitting rhymes so boss, they rival tony danza.
    and though haiku, sestina, tanka are forms in which they’re TRAAAAAAINED,
    zombies prefers to craft their lines and stanzas,
    into sicilian QUINTAAAAAAAAAIN.

  69. Who is the zombies’ favorite grunge musician?

    Laaaayyyyynnnne Staaaaaaaaaaaley from Alice in Chaaaaaaaiiiiiinns

    ——-

    Why did zombie Adam and Eve cover themselves in the Garden of Eden?

    They were ASHAAAAAAAAAMED.

    ——-

    who is zombie Jerry Seinfeld’s wacky neighbor?

    KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER

    ——-

    Better get back to work, or I’ll get LAAAAAAAAAID OFF… I mean fired.

  70. Zombie’s favorite character in the Bewitched remake?

    Shirley McCLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

    Who said “Go Ahead, make my day” and then ate your brains?

    John WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE

    Zombies favorite Gene Kelly movie?

    Singing in the RAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

    Zombie’s Favorite character on seinfeld?

    ELAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE

    Zombie who can’t think of any good zombie rhymes overuses people’s NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES.

    Zombies who have ulcerative colitis can’t eat GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.

  71. What eastern Utah town is a likely breakout spot for the zombie invasion?

    DUCHEEEEEEEEEEEESNE

    How do zombies get from Iowa to Wisconsin?

    VIA PRAIRIE DU CHIIIIIEEEEEEN

    (cheated a bit on that one)

    What late-nineties biopic film do zombies watch in order to see a mustachioed Jared Leto?

    PREFONTAAAAAAIIIIIINE

  72. What to celibate zombies do about sex?

    Abstaaaain.

    How would you describe a cursing zombie ?

    Profaaaane

    Why do zombies consume aspirin ?

    Migraaaaines.

    Who is the Obama zombie’s competition ?

    McCaaaain.

    What do president wanna-bee zombies do ?

    Campaaaaign.

  73. What does a Mr. Colbert zombie say about his arch nemesis after a dance off?

    RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN

  74. Which edgy, ex-chef, traveler, writer with a TV show where he visits far-away places and samples exotic foods is a zombie favorite?

    ANTHONY BOURDAAAAAAAAIN

  75. Q: Why did the pubescent zombie feel like no-one felt the way he did?
    A: GROWING PAAAAAAAINS

    Q: Who is a zombies favourite fictional jail-breaking banker?
    A: ANDY DUFREEEEEESNE

  76. Why did the zombie avoid canyonlands?
    Rough terrraaaaain.

    What is a zombie’s favorite Anime?
    Serial experiments Laaaaain.

    Zombies weaaaar theeeeeir haaaaaair in braaaaaids.

    Blind zombies read Braaaaaille.

    Japanese zombies might be Aaaaaaainu.

    Zombies in the black tower followed Mazrim Taaaaim.

  77. What zombie was outed as a CIA agent by zombie journalist Robert Novak?

    Valerie PLAAAAAME

    (I really DID read through all of the responses, and I didn’t see this one…)

  78. What 1990 Andrew Dice Clay movie does no zombie, or sentient human being for that matter, remember fondly … if at all?

    THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLAAAAAAAANE

  79. Q: What do Programming Language do Zombies use?
    A: Well.. sometimes C#, but mostly Python. (What? You think Zombies like DOMAAAAAAAAIN Specific Languages?)

    D: Esperantistoj zombij mangxas kie?
    R: En La KUIREEEEEEEEEEEEEJO.

  80. And a themed set:

    Overly impulsive zombies have…

    MAAAAAAAAANIAS!

    A zombie that claims they aren’t after brains has …

    MythoMAAAAANIA!

    A zombie who pulls out their already decaying hair has …

    TrichotilloMAAAAAAAANia

    The zombie god has …

    TheoMAAAAAAAAANIA!

    The zombie king has …

    MegaloMAAAAANIA!

  81. Q: Where to sophisticated zombies live?

    A: CHAAAAAMPAAAAIGN.

    Q: And what do sophisticated zombies drink with dessert?

    A: CHAAAAAMPAAAAAGNE.

  82. For all you musical zombies out there

    Favorite Dylan album:
    Slow Traaaaaaaain Coming

    Favorite Alt Metal Band:
    Staaaaaaaind

    Favorite Rapper:
    Big Daddy Kaaaaaaane

    Favorite Fiercely Independent Punk Bank:
    Fugazi (weird, huh?)

  83. What did the zombie Spock sense when he Vulcan mind melded with the Horta wreaking havoc in the pergium mining colony on Janus VI?

    PAAAAAAAAAIN

  84. What do Zombie Plumbers work on?
    DRAAAAAAAAINS

    Really?
    Well, and MAAAAINS

    What do Zombie Chemists work on?
    MEMBRAAAAANES

    What do Zombie Wood Workers use?
    STAAAAINS

    Zombie House Builders?
    FRAAAAAMES

    Zombie Stock Analysists look for?
    GAAAAINS

    Zombie Bowlers?
    LAAAAAANES

    Zombie Carters?
    WAAAAAINS

  85. Q: what do Mid-world ka-tet zombies ride?
    A: Bllaaaaiiiiine

    Q: what do Hawaiian zombies grow?
    A: Sugar Caaaaaaane

    Q: what does zombie pollution make?
    A: acid raaaaaaiiiiin

    Q: where do irresponsible zombies drive?
    A: in the bike laaaaaaaaane

    Q: what do columbian zombies traffic?
    A: cocaaaaaaaine

    Q: where does a zombie get his lobster?
    A: Maaaiiiiinnne

    Q: What kind of LSD do zombies drop?
    A: window paaaaaaane

    Q: what is the best 80’s hardcore punk zombie band?
    A: Bad Braaaaaaiiiiiins

  86. Q. What do zombies who don’t get the point of this list (and can’t rhyme anyway) like to eat?
    A. HUUUUMMMAAAANN FLESSSHHHH!

  87. How to zombies cool off?

    They drink lemon aaaaiiiiiiiiiiid.

    What do they add to tuna fish?

    Mayonaaaaaaiiiiiissssse.

    Why did so many zombies do the macarena?

    They love the latest craaaaaaaaaaze

    Who was the zombies’ favorite Dr Who?

    Tom Baaaaaaaaaaaaaakr

  88. What was Lynton Kwesi Johnson doing when he was attacked by zombies?

    Standing in the RAAAAAAAAIIN AGAAAAAAAIIN, LORAAAAAAIIN!

    What did Billy Holliday say to her zombie husband when he came home late

    Don’t EXPLAAAAIIN!

    What kinds of magic tricks do zombies like?

    LEGERDEMAAAAIIN!

  89. What’s a zombie’s favorite B-52s song?

    Quiche LORRAAAAINE

    What happened when the zombie tried to go through airport security?

    He was DETAAAAINED

  90. My mind slow,That’s why I don’t *nom* wit da big Four-o bro’, I got ta maintaaaaaaaain`Cause a zombie Like me is goin’ insaaaaaaaane!

    Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
    insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
    Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
    Insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
    Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
    Craaaaaaaazy insaaaaaaaane need some braaaaaaaain!
    Insaaaaaaaane in the membraaaaaaaane
    Insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!

  91. Zombie BRAAAAAAAAAAINS
    are connected via VAAAAAAAAAAINS
    to their heart that PAAAAAAAAAAINS
    due to muscular STRAAAAAAAAAAINS
    after sticking forks in the electrical MAAAAAAAAAAINS.

    Silly Zombie – tut tut.

  92. Senseless Babble – I'm a stay at home dad during the day, and wage slave at night. I'm am trying to find a creative outlet with this site, but so far all I seem to do is link to other peoples stuff. I want/need a new computer, because I keep telling myself that if I have the right tools, I will suddenly become a creative force to be rec-end with, though deep inside I know this to be a false hope. (Plus, I'm broke, I don't have the cash. But you can PayPal me some if you want to!) Anyway, I trudge on with this little site, posting from time to time. Email me, I'm starving for the love and friendship of complete strangers!
    Senseless Babble

    Where did the zombie go for fresh lobster?

    MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!!!!

    What was the zombies favorite western movie from the 50’s?

    SHAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!

    Name the character actor the zombie thought was under appreciated by larger audencies…

    LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE Smith!!!

  93. Where in Washington State do zomibes live who want to be very near the Canadian border?

    BLAAAAAAAAINE

    What is the favorite Bob Seger song amongst zombies?

    Down on MAAAAAAAIN Street

    What about Fleetwood Mac?

    The CHAAAAAAAIN

    Crosby, Stills, and Nash?

    Daylight AGAAAAAAAAAIN

    Nirvana?

    On a PLAAAAAAIN

    Finally, how about something for zombie fans of country & western?

    Blue Eyes Crying in the RAAAAAAAIN

  94. Q. What do these puns have in common with the crimes Zombies commit?

    A. They’re heeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinous.

  95. Q: What do zombie idiots eat?

    A: PEA BRAAAAAAAINS.

    Q: What do zombie string theorists study?

    A: BRAAAAAAAANES.

  96. What is a zombies favorite drug?
    COCAAAAAAAAAAAAINE

    What is the zombie choice for gas?
    PROPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    aw cmon!

  97. Where do fat zombies find it difficult to scratch?

    Their TAAAAAAAAAAINTS

    Why do zombies watch True Grit?

    John WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE

  98. So much repeating. Even of incorrect rhymes…

    Right. This should be #204. If not, I’m not repeating, I just didn’t see the new ones.

    Q: What d’you call a zombie wearing makeup?
    A: VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN.

    Q: What do zombie 40k players make with polystyrene and cardboard?
    A: TERRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINS.

    Q: Why do zombies like whoever their favourite comedian is?
    A: He/she ENTERTAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINS.

    Thank you.

  99. begin
    file = dictionary; x = 0
    while x < length(dictionary)
    x = x + 1
    if word(x) = (rhymes_with_”ains”), then print “Q. What’s a zombie’s favourite “(word(associated_with_word(x)))”? A. “(allcaps(drawn_out(word(x))))”!!!”
    wend
    end

  100. You’ve got the right idea. Although that method associated_with_word would probably be quite complex.

  101. Along the lines of the Zombie Rhymes, my office mate came up with some gems… Ghost Rhymes…

    How do ghosts get high?
    Sniffing Gluuuuuuuuuuue!

    What’s the Ghost Favorite Red Sox Outfielder?
    J.D. Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

    First Base?
    Kevin Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuklis!

    What did the ghost buy at Thom McCann?
    Shoooooooooooes!

    What’s a Ghost’s favorite music?
    The Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuues!

  102. What do hip-hop ghosts wear?
    FUBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

    What does the ghost watch at 11:00?
    The Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews!

    Why does the ghost have the sniffles?
    The Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

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