Scalzi/Buckell in ’08!

Here Toby and I are announcing our intention to run for president and vice-president of these great United States, on a platform centered on, oh, let’s say, jellybeans for all, and the immediate invasion of the nearest Best Buy for all the gadgets we could possibly want. That Toby is not constitutionally able to serve either office and that I am mostly bald, thus effectively barring me from the highest office in the land (no bald or balding presidents elected since Eisenhower — check it) should matter little, especially since we have no chance of winning. But if like us you are for tasty, bite-sized sugar-coated treats, and having the Army Rangers stomp into the ground that annoying blue-shirted salesdude who keeps trying to sell you a service contract even after you said “no” six times already, you know how to vote. Scalzi/Buckell in ’08! Finally, you have a meaningless choice!

Alternately, this is us at our appearance last night at Books & Co. in Dayton, at which we read from our latest books, did a little Q&A and then signed lots of books. It was a good turnout (they ran out of chairs and people had to stand in the back, which I guess was annoying for the people who had to stand but nice for us) and seemed like folks were having fun. We certainly had fun. Now it’s onward to Lexington this Friday at 7pm (once again with Paul Melko joining us) and then the Decatur Book Festival and Dragon*Con. And then sleep. Yes, that’s correct, we’re not sleeping until Monday at the earliest! Won’t that be fun for you when you meet us.

Thanks to everyone who showed up last night (and to Hugh Staples, for the photo above). It was tasty.

48 Comments on “Scalzi/Buckell in ’08!”

  1. I was considering coming by DragonCon to see you two (it is just down the road from me), but if you’ll be sleepless zombies, I might need to rethink this.

    Ok, if you’re not sleeping until Monday, will you at least have showered?

  2. Won’t Tobias Buckell have to change his state of residency to Wyoming first?
    (Otherwise, totally the ticket the beat.)

  3. I would only consider voting for your platform if said jellybeans were to include Hot Tamales. Equality and all that… Oh, and is having Coke Zero on the table in your Van Halen-backstage contract or something? :)

    Thanks for coming to Day-tron and entertaining us last night. It was grand!

  4. TKay:

    Actually, the Coke Zeros were provided by an attendee, which I thought was awfully sweet of her.

    And yes, Hot Tamales, Mike and Ikes, and all other such candies with sugar coatings and gelatinous insides will be part of our platform.

  5. Jellybeans for all? Wasn’t that Ronald Reagan’s platform?

    Now, Bacon for all (and make it kosher, so us Jews can eat it) is a platform I could get behind.

  6. I sure had fun last night. My husband and I divided up the books – he is reading Toby’s book and I get to read Zoe’s Tale first (so far I am truly enjoying Zoe but had to put it down so I could sleep and function at work today). It was very nice to meet Krissy and Athena. Krissy did verify for me the pronunciation of Ghlaghghee (Fluffy). I am still disappointed that you did not bring the Hugo – a little shoulder pain on your part is not a good enough reason for me. All in all, it was well worth the trip up from Cincinnati.

  7. Steven @8: Could we agree on bacon-flavored jellybeans? Or would that give too much power to the Jelly Belly lobbyists?

  8. Steven:

    Reagan limited his platform to Jelly Bellies, which was inherently discriminatory. We are open to all candies of this type.

  9. Mr. Scalzi,

    Your credibility is being strained.

    I demand you change the name of your upcoming book to: Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded Tomorrow (I Promise)

  10. It’s not the bald that worries me, it’s the instant white hair factor that should scare you…see before and after photos of ANY former president. Not pretty…

    But I will see your sleep deprived butts on Saturday. Should be amusing. Will campaign buttons be available?

    Hmm…now I have to prowl through the book cases and dig out something sutiable for youse guys to scribble on.

  11. What about Jerry Ford? He served as President and he was more hair impaired than you or me?

    He did ultimately lose in 1976, but that was due more to Chevy Chase than Jerry’s hair impairment. But for a few too many hits to his knee during his football days, Jerry probably would have been elected.

    As an aside, will Biden be the first VP with hair plugs? At least we’re moving in the right direction, away from John Edwards and the like.

  12. Further complication: you appear shorter than your veep, which is simply not done. Perhaps make him shave his head — make it a theme.

    Be aware, you will face opposition from Citizens Against Smart Quotes F’ing Up Apostrophes (CASQF’UA). You will not get their vote until you appease them by fixing this post’s title.

    I will, of course, do what I can by canvassing my fellow Good-n-Plenty partisans. Vive la haricot de gelée!

  13. Ford was hairline challenged, but he wasn’t elected to the office.

    It’s hard to tell with different period hairstyles, but do you have to go back to Van Buren before we get a president with significant hair loss? It’s discrimination, I tell you.

  14. Don’t worry, Scalzi, we’ve had plenty of Presidents who have worn wigs. You could fit right in and would look mighty spiffy in one of those white powder do-ups they (used to) make English Barristers wear.

  15. Jonathan:

    “What about Jerry Ford? He served as President and he was more hair impaired than you or me?”

    Our sole appointed president? I will give you that on a technicality, Jonathan, but note he wasn’t elected to his position. I’ve also amended the entry to reflect the role hair plays in elections as opposed to appointments.

  16. I am mostly bald, thus effectively barring me from the highest office in the land (no bald or balding presidents elected since Eisenhower — check it)

    Growing a beard is more effective. According to Wikipedia the last bearded President was Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893).

  17. I may be constitutionally barred for now, but maybe the California Governator amendment will happen and I *will* be able to run. Right? LOL

    As far as sleep, yeah, it’s going to be a crazy weekend.

  18. First, is it Scalzi/Buckell or Buckell/Scalzi (or to put it another way, he ascends to the office when the other is assassinated by disgruntled reviewers)?

    Second, will Toby be giving a speech at the convention on the merits of Island candies? And if so, will there samples?

  19. 7. John Scalzi – Actually, the Coke Zeros were provided by an attendee, which I thought was awfully sweet of her.

    That was me – I thought I would give you a gift, since you have brought the joy of reading (for pleasure) back into my life. This was a simple and easy gift to give, and one I didn’t think you’d mind, even given what you have said about receiving gifts. (I can’t afford to give you a car)

    I exchanged a few words with Krissie last night – she was very sweet. Your love for your wife and daughter just shine from your eyes when you look at them – I really respect and admire you for that.

    One thing last night’s appearance proved to me (again) is that people who can write stories can ‘tell’ them, too! I loved the story about how you came to write TAD. :)

    To sum up, I had a great time at the appearance last night, and got my books signed first, too! (woo hoo!)

  20. You had me at “Best Buy/shiny things.” I’ll write you in.

    Hell, your platform has more meat to it than that of the Republicrats this year.

  21. I’ll do my best to come see you guys in Columbus, but sheesh: There IS a Northeast corner of Ohio, too, y’know. We’ve got bookstores and everything! :)

  22. Seconding JBooth @31.

    Lots of bookstores up here.

    Akron would be a nice middling location. Just saying…

  23. Maybe all we need to do to get Toby elected is make Grenada the 51st state. That way, Toby could serve, but Ahhnold would still be ineligible. Unless, of course, Bush invades Austria.

  24. John,

    Ok, Ford was a technicallity, but they still played Hail to Chief for him, something they don’t do for me or you.

    Perhaps you need to bring back your mustache to improve your electoral chances. Although it’s been a while, we had a string of successful mustachioed Presidents. On the other hand, the last man with a mustache to be elected nationally was Vice President Curtis in the Hoover adminstration….

  25. That’s the ticket to beat! And I fully expect yours will be the best convention ever!

    Will you be requiring your secret service detail to dress up as stormtroopers or have you picked out some other theme?

    Also, you’ve expressed a preference for jelly beans. Where do you stand on the Marshmallow Peeps issue? Is it true that you and your running mate are secret Turkish Delight lovers?

  26. The secret to Best Buy is never cross the threshold and enter the store. Why are you Presidential wannabes forever wanting to send in troops into every damned place which offends you? This is what happens when you get on the sugar high from all those jelly beans… (grin)

    Dr. Phil

  27. No balding presidents elected since Eisenhower? Does that mean that McCain doesn’t stand a chance?!?!?

  28. Nixon, I think, was balding, but less so than either of his opponents, Humphrey or McGovern. And I think that even Eisenhower had as much, or more, hair than Adlai Stevenson.

  29. I was at the Dayton book author event, and heard John read Chapter 9 of Zoë’s Tale. I bought a copy of the book, had John autograph it, and just finished reading it last night. During the reading, something bothered me, and after I read the book it was clear to me that John had done some *bad math*.

    On page 81 Zoë and Grethchen break up a fight between two clots of boys from different home worlds. Zoë says: “And there are colonists from ten separate worlds. That’s a hundred different possible idiotic teenage boy fight situations.” Gretchen notes about the Colonial Mennonites: “They’re pacifists. So it’s only eighty-one possible idiotic teenage boy fight combinations.”

    Their calculations are obviously ten squared and nine squared combinations. But that’s not how combinations work. The combination of ten items taken two at a time is 10*9/2 or 45, and nine items taken two at a time are 9*8/2 or 36.

    Admittedly, that’s still a lot of potential fights, but less than half of what the girls’ calculate.

    Is this an intentional error, a clever comment on the girls’ academic advancement, or does John not know how to calculate combinations?

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