Holy Crap, Cheese Metal is Back
Posted on August 28, 2008 Posted by John Scalzi 70 Comments
I present to you “Heroes of Our Time” by Dragonforce:
It’s like they’re the opening band for Wyld Stallyns. Or Europe.
Please make it up to your ears by listening to the music in the previous post. You’re welcome.
Dragon Force. Gargh. “Through the Fire and the Flames” on Guitar Hero III has ruined my fingers.
So, so silly…and yet Dragonforce has brought me and my daughter truckloads of goofy Guitar Hero joy: http://tinyurl.com/5vl6r6
Ah-ehm. Power metal (to my not completely up-to-date ear is sounds like standard power metal, just like Stratovarius, Symphony X, Hammerfall, Sonata Arctica, Helloween, etc. etc.) never died.
What?!? They couldn’t afford a Key-tar for the man on the keyboards?
Yeah, I guess that would have put them over the top.
It’s that restraint and classiness that marks them . . .
I raise with this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huf024zkZIw
There’s an infectious joy in their music that comes from 210 proof FUN and what most people would hate about this are the very things that their fans love…
That’s all I can say about them. They clearly love what they do, and it shows. Given that I have a weakness for technical power metal, they could not push more of my musical buttons.
@Adam Rakunas: Ahem: “Through the Fire and Flames.” Only one, “the.” Some true fan you are. :-P
Adam at 1:
My fingers and my forearm fell off after this song on GH3.
I didn’t say power metal. I said cheese metal. Because this is cheese. powerful cheese, perhaps. Yet cheese nonetheless.
Yes. It’s ridiculous… and I can’t stop listening.
John: well, I don’t think that non-cheese power metal exists.
Europe…oh yes. And here is the Best. Cover. Ever:
All I know is I feel sorry for these guys, because they apparently they don’t play anything longer than sixteenth notes.
Surprisingly enough, this song kinda works overlaid over the song in the previous post. Especially the part where Piñataland harmoniously sings “Ahhhhhhhhshland…”
What does it say about me that both your Pinataland and Dragonforce posts have made we want to go out and buy both of their CDs/MP3s?
I’d say it makes me want to rethink my not bothering to have an Amazon affiliate account.
These guys must masterbate at lightning speed.
Dragonforce have been going for about 10 years or so, although I doubt they were that well known outside England (or even London) for about half of that time.
And I’m sure Herman’s hair is getting shorter…
I blame The Darkness for everything.
There’s plenty of cheesy metal – just look at some of the Black Metal bands…
ISTR a band called Rhapsody who were rather cheesy not long ago. Also, Manowar never quite left us.
And who could forget Lordi, Finnish Eurovision winners with ‘Rock and Roll Halleluliah’
Ahhh!!! Dragonforce! I’m having Guitar Hero phantom pains flare up in the claw-shaped remains of my left hand just thinking about them.
@Skar: It’s like if Hawk the Slayer were a music video. Only worse.
D+D plus musical talent = Luca Turilli
I must, however, admit to being pleased whenever that song comes up in my rotation. I kind of like it.
The video, not so much.
@Steph The Darkness is hilarious though. That video is one of the funniest ones I’ve ever seen.
Throws the double goat for Dragonforce!
So the question is, what sort of music do they listen to in OMW? What sort of music does Zoe listen to in order to drive her parents nuts?
As it happens, Martin, this is discussed in some detail in Zoe’s Tale.
Watching the video gives me a vision of them burning through keyboardists like Spinal Tap burns through drummers. BOOM! :)
Here. This will make you feel much better.
I love metal and I like DragonForce, but yes they are a bit cheesy. However, who doesn’t like cheese? Cheeseburgers, pizza, macaroni and cheese. The list is endless. Shit, I’d even say that cheese rivals bacon in the “always makes it better” department.
DragonForce sold boatloads because of Guitar Hero
Manowar is unapologetic in what they do.
Of course as I type this my iPod just shuffled through Blind Guardian
Cheese metal is back? As if it ever left. But you seriously do need to check out the 9 year old kid who’s way better at Guitar Hero than anyone my age will ever be, smoking TTFaF.
There are better ones out there, someone has now gotten a perfect on it, but sheesh.
Your feeble bands aspire to this:
Quite possibly the best music video in all possible universes.
Why do I feel like I’ve just heard the theme song to a craptacular 80s action cartoon or Pokemon rip off?
My god that was awful.
@ John W #33. Is the population of Cydonia 143 because that’s the number of fans they have? That guy doing kung-fu in the beginning could be a Freddie Mercury look alike. And why does he shoot his laser at a piece of scrub brush?
That piece of scrub brush is planted over the place where his wife was murdered by robots. OB-viously!
Thanks for the clairification. I thought maybe he figured his horse would stumble over it or something.
@Jemaleddin: After what that song did to my hands, I can call it whatever the hell I want.
Dragonforce, cranked in some earphones, is excellent for writing to. No distractions can compete with the fury of their shredding, and that tempo gets your juices flowing.Trust me, it will work for you too,
I think they must have more than 143 fans, given that the album went platinum in three countries, double platinum in the UK, and they played two sold-out nights in a row at Wembley Stadium.
I can’t help but think Dragonforce’s aesthetic would be far better served by not having a singer at all. He seems essentially a superfluous distraction from what they’re really about.
It probably doesn’t help that I misparsed the title as “Holey Metal Crap Cheese” and was looking for some kind of modern sculpture involving randomly perforated sheet steel and pale yellow paint.
(Stop looking at me like that.)
(Yes, I -do- live in this head all the time.)
Rhapsody – yup. The album actually had a sticker proclaiming it “Hollywood Metal”.
Dragonforce doesn’t do it for me personally – too much technical, a little too much cheese, but Power Metal does do it for me – Symphony X definitely so, and Kamelot is fantastic live. Hammerfall, etc are still good. And that Darkness video is teh awesomeness!111eleventy.
@John W. #33: Knights of Cydonia is quite possibly one of the greatest D&D rock anthems of all time, written by a band that elevates their cheese metal to artisanal status.
I have sworn to catch Muse next time they’re in town. I hear their live shows are phenomenal. Also: that song? Awesome in-your-ears jogging anthem.
@Michael B: Symphonic Hollywood Epic Metal or something similar. I’ve got two Rhapsody CDs somewhere but I can’t find them now. Maybe I left them at my parents’ house, I don’t remember having listened to them in the last two years (the OGGs are in my hard disk, however).
Luca Turilli’s solo albums are (maybe) even cheesier… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tD7DRxBbTE
I was singing along to Blind Guardian in the car… (I never inflict anyone any such pain when I’m at home or when I have a passenger).
Power metal is much fun, lyrics are usually SF&F, what else is there not to like it?
@Giacomo – That’s right! “Symphonic Epic Hollywood Metal”, complete with cover art of a viking riding the back of a dragon.
Hakan, there’s power/epic metal, and there’s power/epic metal. Blind Guardian and Rhapsody are on two wholly different levels.
Scalzi, I HATE you. Until today I was sure I got that music out of my system.
The words of a banished king
“I swear revenge”
Filled with anger aflamed our hearts
Full of hate full of pride
We screamed for revenge
Thena@42: You have to build this sculpture now – you have no choice. Note that it would only be fair to take a photo and send it to Scalzi as retribu, err, acknowledgement of his inspiration.
James Thurber used to mis-hear stuff all the time
and turn it into stories…
It’s just so hard to rock a keyboard.
I am the Last Tasmanian Badger. I am the Darkness. I am The Cheese Metal King. Fear me. Cheese Metal will rule the earth. Long live Cheese. The Last Tasmanian Badger likes cheese.
No rain today in Tasmania. I am less grumpy. I shall spare the goats and dropbears my mind bullets today.
Barnes & Noble has stations in their record department where you can scan a CD’s bar code and hear snippets from each track. The screen gives you a little review of the band. I assumed that all the reviews were just written by the label, since they all just say “You should buy this” in a different form.
I was wrong.
Based on Guitar Hero, I scanned a Dragonforce CD (not sure which one). The review started out as follows:
“We think Dragonforce is a parody of a speed metal band, but they claim to be serious.”
Dudes. It’s DragonForce. No space, capital F. Get it right or pay the price.
This song, though… I don’t think it’s a good thing that I listened to it and got Through Fire and Flames stuck in my head. This sounds JUST like it. I kept waiting for the “so far AWAAAY” riff and getting the wiggens when it didn’t happen.
**Pats self on back**
A Salute Your Shorts and a Buffy reference in one comment. I’m so cool.
I liked it. I guess I’m cheesy that way. Although, I’m also old because I kept thinking about all the arthritis those guitar players are going to have in about twenty years.
Yes! Bring back the cheese!
The metal. Will. Never. Die.
I feel much better knowing the Evil Sheriff in that Muse video was horribly murdered in DooM.
As for surreal heavy metal music videos, try this on for size.
Dragonforce is a fine block of processed cheese. I have one of their CDs and it works best when I’m on the treadmill. Power metal bands are all a little over the top but that’s exactly the aesthetic.
Now Symphony X is more progressive metal, which is a different beast. Metal power married to progressive rock time signatures and key changes. I would also recommend the Swedish band Pagan’s Mind, the under-rated American act Fates Warning, and well, a half dozen others if I get started.
And Pinataland is also on my Amazon wishlist, so Nerdycellist, you’re not alone in your musical schizophrenia.
Never mind all that – here’s the greatest music video in the history of the Internet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3CmXGKXOmk
Yeah ManOWar never quite left. But they were in the running for most live/greatest hits albums in a row.
But they are back and strong. They also have a nod in Ringo’s Last Centurion.
neither of the songs are bad but there is only one I would listen to driving \m/
My thirteen-year-old loves, LOVES Dragonforce. Pray for me.
TaoGamer@52: FYI, the reviews for those B&N Red Dot stations come from allmusic.com.
My son has volunteered to drum for DragonForce when this one spontaneously combusts.
As for serious, their management handles another little known bunch of metalheads . . . Iron Maiden.
And if you don’t love Maiden just keep it to yourself.
Hey! Screw you ALL! My band opened for Europe once, and it rawked! And we’re not even hair metal! And I had chicks all over me for weeks afterwards.
Thanks for the info, Djscman.
Thanks to the you-tube (eh) I’ve finally been able to come close enough to the “Eruption” solo for my own personal satisfaction – circa 1977! Why is it entertaining to watch fingers fly so fast? If its wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
You can rock a keyboard, Jon Lord of Deep Purple had loud domestic altercations with his keyboards every night.
All this guitar hero fondness also makes me feel a little sad, because once this all dies down it will probably be gone for good.
texaspatrick: You should watch the “Operation Ground and Pound” video YouTube has for DragonForce…keyboardist is totally rocking the key-tar in that one. It’s my favorite of their videos. Mmm..cheesy goodness.
Opening for Europe? While the Swedish King of Cheese Metal is nobody else than Ygnwie J. Malmsteen himself?
Watch upon his works, ye uncheesy, and despair. If Dragonforce behave nicely, tie Yngwie’s shoelaces, and be good, then the might maybe open for him.
Malmsteen played in Oxford,UK last month and I was there. Ahh.. The hero of my youth (I’m not old! Yet!), still playing the same songs (that suprised me). After 1h30m, it was done – too short for me. Strangely no one opened for him, it was a quick and fun session.
Metal power married to progressive rock time signatures and key changes.
Zeni Geva picks pieces of prog metal out of their poo. There’s no marriage, it is a train-wreck between the metal locomotive and a bus full of math-rock geeks… in Japan.