Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Next Vice President

Krissy, engaging in some Sarah Palin cosplay.

No, not really. In real life, she’s about to officiate a wedding. She’s got a certificate to do it in Ohio and everything. But when she came into my office dressed up all conservative-like, well. Finally I knew who had my vote.

So vote Krissy in ’08. Because it doesn’t matter who’s at the top of the ticket, she’ll be running things anyway. As well she should.

37 Comments on “Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Next Vice President”

  1. That brings up a question, though: if she was offered a high-profile government job, like, say, Vice President or Attorney General or Secretary of State, would she take it?

  2. Please do not besmirch the wondrousness that is your wife by comparing her in any way to Miss The-Founding-Fathers-Wrote-The-Pledge-And-I’m-Making-My-Daughter-Have-A-Shotgun-Wedding-Because-I’m-An-AntiChoice-Wackjob, please. It might ruin the happy feelings I get whenever you post photos of your sexy spouse.

  3. Dammit, Scalzi, I *wish*… if Krissy were running there’d be a candidate I could really respect to vote for. And no controversy about whose preacher is more wacko, she *is* the preacher. Tres cool.

    As for Julia’s comment, all the comparison does is make me wish for what could be, rather than despairing for what is…

  4. Miss The-Founding-Fathers-Wrote-The-Pledge-And-I’m-Making-My-Daughter-Have-A-Shotgun-Wedding-Because-I’m-An-AntiChoice-Wackjob


  5. What is her position on the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance? I hope she supports the founding fathers’ original intention that those words should be there.

  6. I suspect sir, that that fine woman had your vote a long time ago, and don’t you DARE forget it!! Should you forget it, see photo over mantle as a reminder. Cool shot by the way!

    …and I’ve got to confess I fell out of my chair this morning when I heard about Palin’s 17-year old daughter, I mean, that must be a record for self-destruct of a newly minted VP candidate! Guess they’re hoping with all the Hurricane Gustuv hoopla in New Orleans no one will notice.

    What did they call it on “West Wing?” oh, yeah, trash day. Pretty trashy indeed!

  7. I dare say I might be persuaded to shift my loyalties away from Yes We Can if McCain dumped Miss No-Really-The-Baby’s-Mine and picked up Krissy for his 2IC. Because then I’d know we had some common sense in the current GOP regime.

    …but then again, that’d be going against everything the GOP has stood for in my entire twenty-six-year existence.

    Hmmm, hey Obama, were you REALLY set on Biden? Because, I mean, here’s your chance, dude.

  8. Great! Because, for one thing, she’s at least Miss Congeniality, and much prettier than Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who is quoted in today’s New York Times magazines as saying that he was accepted to Harvard medical School, but:

    “Why would someone with so much knowledge of biology sign a bill allowing the biblical story of Creation to be taught in science class? I don’t think that schools should be run by bureaucrats. I think these decisions need to be made by local school boards. In terms of teaching my own kids at home, I do believe there is a Creator. Catholicism doesn’t teach authoritatively on evolution or the origins of life, but we do believe that God is our Creator.”

    Good thing that we don’t have a VP candicate who is a young governor who believes THAT kind of stuff.

    Shouldn’t Krissy have someone stand in, cosplay-wise, for a 17-year-old daughter who got pregnant out of wedlock, but will get married to prove the support of Family Values 5 months after the fact?

    And shouldn’t she be holding a gun in one hand, a bible in the oother hand, and a mooseburger in yet another hand?

  9. But that can’t be a photo of Sarah Palin; I’m not feeling an urge to photoshop it to look like a Borg Queen.

    (Not that I’ve succeeded at doing that with any actual photos, mind.)

  10. Yes, Giacomo, as hard as it may be to believe 13.5 years ago, when I got married, I had hair on my head.

  11. Yes, Giacomo, as hard as it may be to believe 13.5 years ago, when I got married, I had hair on my head.

    So you’re blaming it on marriage, eh?

  12. That’s why you support marriage for everybody, you’re envious of our hair. Bad, bad, Scalzi.

    (sorry, clicked ‘Submit’ instead of ‘Preview’)

  13. Steve S:

    A certificate to solemnize marriages in the State of Ohio.


    I blame it on male pattern baldness, actually. That I’m married contiguous to it is coincidence, albeit a happy one. Many friends of mine retain their hair despite marriage, the bastards.

  14. I blame it on male pattern baldness, actually.

    Don’t tell me. Half the males of my family (both in the paternal and maternal lineages) are affected. I figure that I have a 50/50 chance of starting to lose my hair in the next years (I’m 27). :(

  15. Whoa. I just gave myself goosebumps. Behold this dispatch from the future:

    Dayton, November 2010—Kristine Scalzi has defeated House Minority Leader John Boehner to represent Ohio’s 8th Congressional district. (See complete coverage at

    Set up a PO Box and I’ll send a hundred bucks. Now is the time. Keep hope alive.

  16. Do you know how close I came to asking about various positions of her campaign, like her position on John Scalzi?

    But then, whoops, I saw how that could be misconstrued.

    So I’ll go with a safe one: Will she give us a tax-writeoff for our cats?

  17. I’m confused… I guess I need to read the news more thoroughly:
    She announced that her daughter got pregnant out of wedlock and is, in fact, still pregnant, just to prove that her recently born daughter is in fact her own daughter and not her granddaughter???

  18. Anny Mouse,

    well, the daughter is five months along, and Governor Palin’s youngest child was born four months ago, so the logistics speak against the “It’s her daughter’s kid!” theory.

  19. John, any imitation of Governor Palin needs bigger hair. Krissy looks conservative, not like she’s about to walk out in an evening gown and twirl batons. Gov. Palin persistently wears Pageant Hair.

  20. Collections from others…..
    Sarah Palin’s personal story, and her views on personal morality, are at the core of her politics and of why she was nominated, and why she’d energized the conservative base.

    Now, her daughter’s pregnancy has cast her views on teenagers and sex directly into the spotlight.

    Democrats noted, before and after today’s announcement, that Palin took a hard line on a question in 2006 from the conservative Eagle Forum Alaska:
    Q: Will you support funding for abstinence-until-marriage education instead of for explicit sex-education programs, school-based clinics, and the distribution of contraceptives in schools?

    SP: Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support.
    Palin also opposes abortion in cases like her daughter’s, and in harder cases.

    “We’re proud of Bristol’s decision to have her baby,” she and her husband said in a statement. UNDER HER RULES SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO MAKE THAT DECISION, RIGHT! AND SHE GAVE HER DAUGHTER THAT choice!!!! MY GOD THAT IS…..PROCHOICE. SO what is Palin, prochoice or not. or jus Hypocritical like the rest of her and the fundamentalists of all kinds whereever they are in the world. AND VERY IGNORANT

  21. I sense a distaff dynasty coming on here. First Krissy, then Athena. First Bush, then Scalzi.

    Things can only get better (to quote a British election theme)

  22. Among the most important lessons learned were the discovery of the community as an extension of the classroom and a new-found mutual respect between teachers and youth. ,

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