Oh I SO VERY MUCH Want to See This

My friend Chad Orzel recently undertook a charity drive on his site, with the proceeds going to educational charity DonorsChoose. His goal is $6,000. I pimped it, as I do, and made the crack that Chad “would dance like a monkey” for your contributions.

Fast-forward to today. Chad’s currently at $1,700 for his drive. This is good, but it’s not $6,000. So he’s decided to offer an incentive:

I said back at the beginning of this that I would offer some sort of big incentive for reaching the full challenge goal of $6,000. I got a couple of good suggestions, but you can blame Scalzi for the winner:

If my challenge gets $6,000 in donations, I’ll dance like a monkey, and post video of it.

This would be fairly amusing, I’m sure, as 1) I can barely dance like a human (save for the wedding shuffle), and b) I have no idea what the Monkey Dance would actually look like. I feel pretty safe making the offer, though, because there’s almost no chance of the challenge reaching $6,000.

“Almost no chance”? “Almost no chance”?


First, folks, a bit of context. Chad is, like, six feet, 28,000 inches. He’s a pretty big dude. And as everyone knows, large dudes are funny to watch dancing. But there’s more! He’s also a physicist and a fully tenured professor or such, and as well all know, the overlap between “tenured physics professors” and “adept dancers” is trivially small. Finally, Chad has a sort of gawky, innate dignity — he’s a friendly sort, but let’s just say I’ve never seen him prone to wanton acts of physical comedy.

What I’m saying is, making Chad Orzel dance like a monkey would be the comedy highlight of 2008.

It very simply has to happen. And be recorded. And posted on YouTube. And shown on my site.

I need you to help me make this happen. Because, while I’m kicking in money to make this happen, I don’t happen to have the four grand and change we need to get this dancing monkey thing happening. So, if you happen to have a spare couple of bucks lying around, go here and donate. There’s enough of you out there reading this that even $5 could make a real difference in helping me delight in the physical humiliation of others making an impact on the educational projects these donations will go towards. We have strength in numbers, people. This is a project worth making a reality. And you’ll be helping kids and teachers, which is nice, too.

To inspire you all to contribute: Dancing monkeys!

Here’s that donate link again. You know what to do. Yes, yes. You know what to do.

Also: Pass it on. The more people we get in on this, the sooner we get the Chad Orzel Monkey Dance Experience. It literally can’t happen too soon.

34 Comments on “Oh I SO VERY MUCH Want to See This”

  1. I work with Chad’s sister. Thinkin’ we can get a whole lot of donations drummed up at work. Bwahahahaha!

  2. While I, too, would like to see this happen, I have already donated for Cosmic Variance, and am currently waiting to welcome our new Tomato overlords.

    So no dancing monkey help from me.

    But yay, education!

  3. I am used to getting comments on the size disparity between myself (6’3″ or so) and Jenny (5′ 1/4″, and that 1/4″ is *important*).

    Then we met Chad and Kate. Kate is about Jenny’s size (and at the time they were both obviously pregnant, which increased the correspondence), but Chad is _significantly_ larger than me. One of those odd moments when one’s place on a random dimension of the universe gets realigned :).

    Monkey dancing, huh?

    Right. Consider the inertia overcome. Donation en route!

  4. Dude, that YouTube clip doesn’t show dancing monkeys; they’re chimpanzees, which are APES, not monkeys.

    The Librarian is very, very disappointed with you.

  5. Hmmph. I will have you all know that I am 5′ 3″, thank you very much.

    But, since at the time I also appeared to have a pumpkin stuffed down my shirt, I will understand the error in perception.

  6. Hmm, I think Catherine Asaro is both a tenured professor and a professional dancer. And a successful science fiction novelist. (Can you tell that I hate her?)

  7. Done. We picked three projects, two that need paper (how sad is that?) and one that wanted a microscope.

    Just a reminder – if you work for a biggish company they may match your donations, painlessly doubling your giving power.

  8. As I am a product of a public school education in a middle-class suburb and am a scientist, I am really pleased to support this kind of endeavor. Also, I am 5’1″, and my husband is 6’2″, so we are in the same situation… I’ve donated to DonorsChoose before; a great organization.

  9. Yes, Catherine Asaro is a former professional dancer and physicist who has done research at the Max Planck Institute (among many other places), in addition to her Skolian Empire books (and other fiction). Now if we could just arrange to have her do the choreography for Professor Orzel’s dance it would be a perfect storm of physics, sf, and dance. An interpretative version of Brownian motion as performed by a troop of proboscis monkeys in zero-g would be perfect.

  10. “He’s also a physicist and a fully tenured professor or such, and as well all know, the overlap between “tenured physics professors” and “adept dancers” is trivially small.”

    I thought that was what the Large Hadron Collider was supposed to validate? Is there another reason we should be smashing things together at ludicrous speeds?

  11. Being seriously of the Irish persuasion, that vid is going to keep me giggling through tomorrow. And I don’t giggle. ;)

  12. Really?
    How random is that

    Srsly. That crazy bitch trial attorney whose office is in a vast closet? Me.

  13. As a very large physics professor of very questionable levels of physical grace and no dancing skills at all — I resemble that remark!

    Dr. Phil

  14. I’ve just thrown a few Aussie dollars in, I’ve been wanting to donate to one of the DonorsChoose projects but being on the other side of the Pacific and therefore local to none of the schools I was having trouble deciding which one. This was the winning argument :)

  15. Donors Choose is always my charity of choice. I just finished a project for $72 so I can see Mr. Orzel dance!

  16. I’ve also met Chad AND Kate (which is odd since I live on a different continent and am not a physicist) and I’m prepared to pay good cash money to see Chad dance like a monkey.

  17. The Monkey Thunder Dance from David Brin’s The Uplift War would be my suggestion. I think he could do that…

  18. Ah, so do people know what “monkey dancing” or “monkey dancers” means in places like the Philippines?