Today’s Terrifying Idea Involving Me That I Didn’t Come Up With

It awaits you here.

Before you ask, the answer is “no.”

Seriously, no.

Stop asking.

62 Comments on “Today’s Terrifying Idea Involving Me That I Didn’t Come Up With”

  1. Scalzi:

    Longer days, weeks and months.

    Or perhaps a commission sufficient to send Athena to Harvard three times over…

  2. But that would be amazing coolness, covered in awesome sauce. I stamp my tiny little fanboy foot and insist upon “John Scalzi Presents ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show 4: Magenta’s Lament'”. At your earliest convenience, of course.

  3. Scalzi:
    “Longer days, weeks and months.”

    I’ll get started on slowing the rotation of Earth. Though it’s already doing that itself. Sooo…

  4. The reason he can’t do it is obviously that it would just be far too awesome; the world would implode from the awesomess, and that would be a dangerous thing, my friends.

  5. ytimynona – FLORIDA – I'm a big wannabe. Wannabe a truck driver, PotUS, scientist, writer, and teacher. Well, I already am a teacher. :-)
    Anny Mouse

    Oooh, but it sounds like so much fun!!!

  6. Dana King – Laurel MD – Dana King has two Shamus Award nominations, for A Small Sacrifice and The Man in the Window. His Penns River series of police procedurals includes Worst Enemies and Grind Joint, which Woody Haut, writing for the L.A. Review of Books, cited as one of the fifteen best noir reads of 2013. Down and Out Books will release the next book in the Penns River series, Resurrection Mall, in May 2017. A short story, "Green Gables," appeared in the anthology Blood, Guts, and Whiskey, edited by Todd Robinson. Other short fiction has appeared in Spinetingler, New Mystery Reader, A Twist of Noir, Mysterical-E, and Powder Burn Flash. His newest book is A Dangerous Lesson. Dana’s blog, One Bite at a Time, resides at He lives in quiet near seclusion with The Beloved Spouse.
    Dana King

    I was down with it until he said it was better than bacon taped to a cat. NOTHING is better than bacon taped to a cat.

  7. Martyn Taylor – Northumberland – A writer exploring what lies beyond our peripheral vision. Published by various small presses and now considered to be nearly a Proper Author. Can be found lurking around the frozen North of England, happily herding a small family of recalcitrant adults who may once have been children and a woman who may very well be the fulcrum upon which the universe turns. Available for hire for very reasonable prices.

    But . . . but . . . I thought you said you loved us.

  8. How about if someone rights a musical about all the reasons you should right a musical? Would that be incentive?

    “John Scalzi Should Right a Musical: The Musical”

  9. You must do it–and soon!

    My grandmother loves musicals, and she loves your books, but she turns 91 in two weeks, so if you wait too much longer, she’ll miss it.

  10. eviljwinter said:
    “Hey, you have to do it. You owe me.

    Your cousin shot my cousin

    An audience participation musical would do much to settle old debts between our two families.”

    Hello, my name is eviljwinter. You killed my distant cousin. Prepare to write a musical?

  11. My god, this is a good idea. I am astounded that you did not START WRITING immediately. Perhaps my 6 month old daughter could offer up her delightful singing voice in support. We wanted to call her Zoe but felt it had been done. I will be ready for rehearsal at your beck.

    That is all.

  12. If you weally weally wuved us you would. ::puppy dog eyes::

    (Good grief, I turned into a 6 year old.)

  13. If King can do Brothers of Darkland, or whatever it’s called with Mellencamp….
    Of course, it could turn out to as good as Carrie: The Musical.
    And let’s not forget that TRHPS was not _written_ to be audience participation: it just happened. Attempts to make it happen on purpose since have been miserable.

  14. “He wasn’t my cousin, anyway. He was my great-great-great-great-great (or thereabouts) uncle.”

    OK, OK! Your relative shot my relative.


  15. We in Australia have hero dogs that resuce (and indeed rescue) kittens –>
    We have bird eating spiders –>

    What we don’t have is enough musicals.

    What the hell (we take a robust view of the language when we dont get what we want)…. Musical ? You ?

    I laugh. They laugh. The ENTIRE planet laughs at the thought of YOU writing a musical. That noise you hear is the entire planet shaking with laughter. At least, those bits of it between Australia and where-ever non musical people named Scalzi live.

    I bet you couldn’t write a musical if you tried.

  16. C’mon, John, you know you want to. All it would take would be an exclamation point. From

    Old Man’s War


    Old Man’s War!

    and you’d be off and running. To a beat. I can hear the overture starting now, with an extended drum solo.

  17. John @#3: Then I shall go posthuman, harness the power of nanotech and I shall build a gigantic Dyson Magnet around the planet and slow that bitch down.

    I can’t think of a better reason to, y’know, upload myself, subvert every piece of computing equipment on the planet and horribly, horribly fuck with the planet.


  18. If by any chance you do end up writing a musical, can I sing in it? ;)

    Not saying that you should, but you know, if you do, which you said you won’t, but just in case.


    I gotta cover all mah bases!

  19. OMW, the Musical!

    Yes, yes, yes! Combat, after all, is a form of dance. The mundanes would know you for something other than dead porcine strips adhered to a live feline!

  20. Your lips and fingers say no, baby, but your eyes say…ok, maybe your eyes say ‘no’ too. But I think this could be a real boost to tourism in Ohio. I mean, what else does Ohio have going for it? Don’t you owe it to your (adopted?) state?? Think of the children!

  21. Oh my. Note to self – do NOT read Whatever over lunch. Serious choking hazard. Oh, this will prompt random snickering all day…..

    Oh, boy. He got you GOOD, dude.

    Sigh, and I just watched Rocky Horror last night, wondering just how Tim Curry managed to be so believable. And Meat Loaf – I forgot Meat was in that.

    PS Somehow this reminds me of “Springtime for Hitler”

  22. I was thinking of Ma Ma Mia; the troopers leaping out of the sea, dancing down the dock, all greenness, and then jumping back into the sea. Or flying away, if there was a larger wire-fu budget.

  23. “I mean, what else does Ohio have going for it?”

    Other than the whole Wright Brothers thing, not much that i can think of.

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