Election List IV: The Things I Think About As I Stare At This Picture of Joe Biden

Because I guess I have to write something about him, too.

Election List IV: The Things I Think About As I Stare At This Picture of Joe Biden

1. It looks like doll hair.

2. Men shouldn’t botox.

3. I bet Hillary’s still really pissed.

4. I think I drove through Delaware once.

5. Yeah, I did. They have a toll road that’s, like, a mile long.

6. Seriously, a mile-long toll road? That totally sucks.

7. All my credit card companies are incorporated in Delaware.

8. No, wait, that’s South Dakota. Delaware is where all the really big companies incorporate.

9. Like how all those cruise ships are registered in Liberia. Which makes Delaware the Liberia of the US.

10. It still looks like doll hair.

31 Comments on “Election List IV: The Things I Think About As I Stare At This Picture of Joe Biden”

  1. But doesn’t he sorta remind you of one of those old-style tv cowboys when he peels off his jacket and says, “folks, where I come from…”, and talks about having a “spine of steel”–but he can still clean up real durn nice when he has to?

  2. Chiclet-esque teeth. I believe that Nathan or Eric or Shawn once mentioned his chiclet-esque teeth. I was giggling enough at the time that I don’t remember which clever gent made the observation.

  3. Ha, I can answer this one!

    The toll road through Delaware is I95, and from countless car trips on it, it’s about 11 miles long.

    And that, my friends, is the state of Delaware. =)

  4. New Hampshire has one of those toll roads. It’s to tax the people going from Mass to Maine.

    Yes, people go to Maine. It’s Vacationland!

  5. I grew up in Delaware about a mile from that toll plaza. About 20 years ago, they not only had that toll plaza, they also had automated toll bins at every exit off of I95 within the state, so that you had to dump in a quarter when you got off the highway.

    Thank God they did away with that, and decided it was sufficient to get money just from the people passing through, as opposed to the people who use the highway every day!

  6. It’s fourteen miles from the MD state line to the Delaware Memorial Bridge (where you cross into NJ) on I-[2]95, and there’s a toll at both ends.

    I’m from VA, the wife’s from CT. We live in Fairfax. That 14 mile stretch is the single most dreaded bit of highway between our house and her parents. It backs up from toll to toll in both directions on any remotely busy travel day. It can easily take two hours or more. I fucking hate driving through Delaware.

  7. Eight caps for all four front teeth: $7200
    Teeth whitener to get the rest to match: $400
    Snagging the VP slot after losing the top slot on the ticket:


  8. I hate that toll plaza on I-95. When I moved here 6 years ago, the toll was $1.50 or something close to that both ways with a small discount for EZ-Pass users (which I don’t use). It’s now $4. A lot of people I know get off the highway and drive around because it’s just ridiculous–both the cost and the horrific backups because they don’t have enough people working the toll booths.

    Driving around the toll doesn’t generally add a whole lot onto the trip in terms of travel time–here’s a map. According to Google, it’s pretty much the same distance either way, which I hadn’t realized before.

    Delaware is a weird little state. But I mostly like it here and I’m looking forward to voting for Biden twice next week. Also, I need to find out who his dentist is because I need a new one and, clearly, Joe’s got a great one.

  9. Another here who will be voting for Biden twice next week. Delaware isn’t all that bad. It’s just so flipping small, it can’t help it.

  10. Tania @ 3,

    I have made no reference to that man since he abandoned Scranton in 1953. Yeah, Him and the Dodgers. Hometown abandoning faithless fucks!

  11. The thing that really came across when I saw him on the debate was that he considers himself to be co-president. I really felt the “we are going to do this” and “we are going to do that” – like he was the senior one and would be making sure barak did what he thought best.

  12. I have lived in the DC area for 11 years, while most of my family still lives in NYC area, so I am very familiar with that stretch of I-95. I HATE it. It is something like 14 miles from the MD border to the Delaware Memorial Bridge, and it has taken me as long as three hours to get through DE.

    Thanks goodness for GPS: plug in a town just over the Del Mem Bridge in NJ and hit “avoid highways” and it will take you to 295 just before the brige. Adding insult to injury, the cost between the 2 tolls is $7 — that’s 50 cents/mile.

  13. 9. # ajay – Holy crap, it’s a slightly older version of the Mayor of Sunnydale.

    OMG! It IS!

  14. There are other people from Delaware on the Internet? Now that’s shocking. I think if Joe Biden squinted much more he might rip a hole in space-time.

  15. Darlin’ little Delaware, the very first state
    Unless they’re lying on the license plate
    I don’t know, I don’t really care
    I just love the sound of your name: Delaware

    “The Little Things” by Timbuk 3

  16. John,

    Those things actually happened before I was born, so sure, why not.

    Scranton Dodgers!

    (Should I go fix that on Wicki now?)

  17. I loves me some Joe Biden. He’s like the little girl with the little curl: When he is good, he is very, very good; but when he is bad, he is awesome.

    Plus, he sold my Hillary-supportin’ mom on Obama. She loves her some Joe. She used to ride the train into DC, too. Plus, he’s a working-class Irish Catholic from Scranton who worked his ass off to get into good schools and a profession. He could be one of my uncles!

  18. I have to agree on the hair … and the teeth … and the botox. He looks like he could peel away his face to reveal some kind of slavering maw. Clearly his appointment to the VP slot was a cunning bid to garner the votes of Synthetic-Americans.

  19. A Different Natalie, all you need to do to avoid 95 in Delaware to get to NJ is get off at the last exit in MD, make your way to Rte 40, and then follow that until it merges with 13, which will take you to the bridge. You can wave as you go past my neighborhood, which is the area behind the Wal-Mart and mega-church on 40.

    I will do just about anything in my power to avoid the stretch of I-95 between Rtes 273 & 141 because that’s the zone of Perpetual Construction–and where the exit for the mall is, which is extra-fun during the holidays what with our lack of sales tax and all.

  20. According to the Official handbook of the DC Comics Universe, Metropolis is in Delaware, which means Superman is a Biden constituent.

    Just sayin’.

  21. Yep, that’s our Joe.

    David S., the tolls at the exits were removed around 1980 or a smidge earlier.

    I live two miles from the toll, line of sight.

    To avoid said toll plaza, one does not take Rt. 40.

    One exits I-95 in Maryland on Rt. 2 to Newark, turning right onto the Christiana Parkway [Rt. 4] and follows that to Newport where one hops on Rt. 141 for a 1000 ft and cloverleafs again to Rt. 95 about three miles short of the Delaware Memorial Bridge [which requires no toll to enter New Jersey].

    Incidentally, that toll plaza is of significant historical interest:


    The article is wrong. It’s marked as the JFK Memorial in DE as well.

    Yes, Dr. Psycho, circa 1978 DC’s E. Nelson Bridwell placed Metropolis in Wilmington and Gotham across the Delaware River around Pennsville, NJ.


  22. Delaware, man, what a shithole of a state. If Gertrude Stein thought that there wasn’t any there in Oakland it’s only because she’d never been to Delaware, where there’s even less there, there. I had to work in Delaware setting up a warehouse for Amazon.com. There is nothing in the state. Nothing, it’s flat, boring, polluted and run by major credit card companies. The people I knew who lived in Delaware touted it as a good place to live because you could get to Philly in 30 minutes or New York in a couple of hours. That was all that Delaware had going for it, it’s proximity to other places that were a Hell of a lot more interesting and where you’d be living if you could afford to, but since you couldn’t you settled in Delaware.

    On the way into Delaware from Philadelphia there is a sign that reads “Welcome to Delaware. The sales tax free state”. When you drive into California on I-5 you’re entering the Golden State, when you drive into Washington on I-5 you’re entering the Evergreen State. When you drive into Texas you’re entering the Lone Star State, but the only thing that Delaware has going for it is that it’s the “sales tax free” state. One of these days I’m going to visit my sister in Philly and while I’m there alter that sign so that it reads “Welcome to Delaware, the taint between Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

    Some people might point out that Delaware is the first state, well, yes it is I will reply, and do you know what, we’ve gotten better at making states since then.