Election List V: The Contents of the Democratic Poll-Watching Kit

For when the Democrats freak out as the polls inevitably tighten.

Election List V: The Contents of the Democratic Poll-Watching Kit

1. Mr. Snuggles, the cuddly Democrat plush bear

2. A dime bag of skunkweed

3. An iPod Nano preloaded with Coltrane, James Taylor and Will.i.am’s “Yes We Can” video; also, Peggle

4. John McCain and/or Sarah Palin stress reliever whose eyes pop comically as you squeeze it and shout “you lost Florida!”

5. A special, personalized “don’t panic” note from Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight

6. Tollhouse cookies like the kind the TV you watched during your latchkey kid days told you were like mom used to make

7. Ritalin

8. An autographed photo of Rachel Maddow

9. A game card for the play-at-home version of Congressional Takeover Bingo

10. Suicide Hotline number (in case McCain wins Pennsylvania)

23 Comments on “Election List V: The Contents of the Democratic Poll-Watching Kit”

  1. One of the things I don’t like about most electoral maps is that they don’t resize the states so that they’re in proportion to the number of electors they have. It’s an electoral map. I’m try to figure out who’s winning, not the physical distance between Montana and Indiana.

    On a standard US map, who ever is winning the Mountain time zone states looks like he’s ahead. They cover so much space, but don’t offer as many electoral votes as some physically smaller states. i.e., I know that Obama is ahead on the projected electoral count because he doesn’t look pitifully behind on the map.

    In any case, in total agreement on numbers 1, 5, 6, and possibly 10.

  2. point four was *not* something to read while drinking my morning darjeeling.

    I’m still coughing a bit.

  3. I’d caution against #8, actually. I love her, but she has a regular segment on her show called “Talk Me Down.”

    How about cute, fuzzy little finger puppets of Warren Buffett, Colin Powell, the Goldwater kids and the editorial board of the Chicago Tribune?

  4. I’m going to do my level best to assemble this by Tuesday. 1, 3, and 10 are on hand. I’ll replace 2 with catnip for my poor kittens who will be freaked by all my shouting.

    Really though, the only one I *want* is 8.

  5. At this moment, the state of Georgia is statistically too close to call and may go BLUE for the first time since 1976…
    Just so you know.

  6. Already have a pretty retro ipod playlist started including James Taylor, CSN, Simon & Garfunkel, Beatles, Eagles, Elton John, Tom Petty…

    along with Jimmy Buffett doing, among other selections…”We are the People your Parents warned you about” & “Fruitcakes” both of which seem completely appropriate at this point in time.

  7. I’m freaking out for the polls’ tightening even if I live at 5871.75 Google km (3648.54 Google mi) from the nearest US border.
    I’m trying to vicariously experience some hope, because here we’ll be saddled with that [censored] [censored] [censored] [still censored] [censored] [censored as well] Berlusconi until 2013.

  8. Rachel’s my Secret Internet Crush and all…but she’s pretty anxiety ridden herself, I wonder what her personal #8 is.

  9. Dr. Psycho @20, this is an instance of one of the several things actually _right_ with Nebraska. Namely that, in the crushingly unlikely event of a non-Republican win in one or more of its three congressional districts, it would divvy up electors.

    Nationwide adoption of this kind of thing wouldn’t be as good as a simple popular vote for prez, IMHO, but it’d sure be a step in the right direction.

  10. 99) MP3 files of various singers. mostly now passed, singing “A change is going to come” and “People get ready”

    Including both the Otis Redding and the Bob Marley versions

%d bloggers like this: