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Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

This goes out to all the plumbers named Joe out there. I love you, man.

Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

1. Brad the Milkman

2. Sid the Deli Owner

3. Bryan the Surly Indie Music Store Clerk

4. Kim the Overnight Wal-Mart Stocker

5. Hakeem the Halal Butcher

6. Aloysius the Chicken Sexer

7. Carol the Humorless, Cavity-Probing TSA Agent

8. Klaus the Eurotrash A&R Man

9. Craig the Porn Reviewer

10. Markos the Blogger

11. Jim the Former Securities Trader, Now Best Buy Appliance Department Sales Trainee

12. Jesus the Lettuce-Picker

13. Ted the Secretly Gay Televangelist

14. Patrica the Humanities Degree Wielding Starbucks Barista

15. Steve the Attack Ad Coordinator

16. Phil the Philatelist

17. Tom the Torturer

18. Sarah the Self-Serving Rogue Campaigner

19. John the Wholly Disappointing Top of the Ticket

20. Barack the President

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

52 replies on “Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin”

Rouge Campaigner or Rogue Campaigner? That’s a really wonderful pun if you’ve ever experienced the general chat channel in WoW.

And how about –

Vlad the Impaler

Colin the hoping to get a shred of his credibility back turncoat

Bill the Philanderer

Hillary the Massively Disappointed

Mitt the future king of “I Told You So” land

And how can we forget:

John the POW
Sarah the Hockey Mom
Barack the Black Muslim Socialist Terrorist
Joe the Plagiarist
George the Invisible
Hillary the Spurned
Rudy the 9-11

and in honor of Tom Smith, Rupert the Swishy

Ralph the Bus-driver (foreign policy expert who’ll smack bin Laden “pow! right in the kisser” and knock him “straight to the moon”… and has the advantage of being in Florida, where he’ll do the most good)

Ron the Cop (despite his job, focused almost exclusively on his personal finances — and he’s black, too, so that’ll do away with all of the pesky rumors of racism that weren’t dispelled by Obama’s carpetbagging opponent in the 2004 Senate race, see http://www.ilsenate.com/, and works in Greenwich Village, so he’s not really anti-gay)

Malcolm the Combat Veteran (a true free-enterprise entrepreneur who is the owner-operator of his own transportation line and continues a small-scale fight against an oppressive government; who cares if he was on the wrong side? he’s a veteran! And he hangs around with clergy and hot chicks as a bonus!)

Spike the Vampire (at least until he gets that pesky soul back and goes all mushy on us)

Claus the Oil Futures Trader (hangs around with a law professor — who is now himself a tunnel-visioned right-wing nutcase — and understands all of the uses for insulin; a definite electoral pull for the social-climbing bimbo demographic)

Hint: The irony that these are all Hollywood roles is purely intentional.

Adam the Ant (aka, Adam the New Romantic Dandy)!

Dwayne the Rock

John@18: Any relation to Kid Rock the Bull God?

Jaws@23: Hollywood? It’s Halloween!
Norman the Innkeeper
Jason the Camp Counselor
Freddie the Janitor
Imhotep the High Priest
Kang the President of the United States.

Andrea@24: How about Annie the Disappointed Psychotic Nurse?

He did get Conan the Barbarian onstage with him in Ohio today. The ones that should show up:
Fred the sub-prime mortgage broker, Connie the corporate trial lawyer, and Brownie the FEMA director.

I’ll have you know that I am full of humor when probing cavities. I HAVE to have humor about it. Unfortunately, those who I am probing are less than amused when I try out my ventriloquist act.

As for #6: Dude, my father’s middle name is Aloysius. Thanks for that disturbing imagery.

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