A Moment of Minor Humiliation, Coupled With a Request Regarding Books
Posted on November 17, 2008 Posted by John Scalzi 23 Comments
As I’ve noted earlier, I’m fantastically disorganized, and that’s not been helpful in the particular case of sending out books to people I’ve promised them to. However, just the other day, my super-efficient and otherwise incredibly awesome wife delivered unto me a whole bunch of shipping boxes and envelopes, so that I can finally send off these oft-delayed books.
At which point I find I’ve lost mailing addresses and names of the people to whom I owe books.
Because I suck.
So: If I owe you a book, either through a contest here on Whatever or through some other promise, will you please send me an e-mail with your mailing address and the name of the book I promised to send you? Because now I have the tools to send your books, and wish to, so they will not loiter on my conscience. Put “YOU OWE ME A BOOK” in the subject header so I’ll be able to tell your e-mail apart from the rest.
And yes, please send another e-mail to me even if you recently sent one, because, well. My e-mail in-box these days. You don’t want to know.
For those of you to whom I do not owe a book but who think this might be a nifty time to try to snake one out of me: I assure you that while I do not immediately remember to whom I owe books, once they send their requests, it’ll come back to me. And anyway, it’s not nice to take advantage of a forgetful author. Your karma cries out to you. And so on.
Thanks, folks, and to those who have been waiting for books, my abject apologies.
I believe you owe me a signed copy of The High Castle. And everything you write after that.
Don’t worry, I’ll let you cheat off my copies if you ever get writer’s block.
I don’t believe you actually owe me anyting, but if I send you an email, do I get a signed copy of Zoe’s Tale?
That could be worth someting.
Here’s my missing “H”. Insert as appropriate.
I could wish you owed me a book, but truthfully, I think I’ve currently got them all. Well, the fiction ones. And one Uncle John’s book I’m not sure about. Having your personal squiggle in one would be nifty. But I’m patient. We’ll eventually wind up at a Con together, you as a guest, me as a slightly dazed attendee. If I’m thinking of it, I’ll even try to slip you a Coke Zero as I ask you to sign whatever hardback I’m lugging around at the time. Hate Mail was particularly good, by the way.
Oooh! Had a thought! You ought to throw a contest on top of this one. “Most Outrageous Story for Why I Owe You a Book When Really I Don’t.” Then we could all regale you with stories of late night drunken poker games involving you, Alan Dean Foster, Timothy Zahn and Piers Anthony playing no limit hold-em for the book rights to the adaptation of “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” which eventually wound up with you locked in a cell in Tuscon, Arizona with our cousin, the recidivist pizza delivery prank caller who calls us for bail, only to be disappointed when we leave his lame butt in the clink so we can bail YOU out in exchange for a signed first edition of Old Man’s War.
Or something like that.
I’m sure I was in line for a signed copy of The High Castle too. And Hate Mail. And Agent to the Stars.
Can I say how spooky it is that you knew what I thought as I read my way through your post?
I still haven’t had my restraining order. I’m awfully upset about that.
These things take time, MarkHB. Patience.
YOU OWE ME A OOK.
YOU OWE ME A WOOKIEE.
My karma sucks anyway. You told me yourself I’m coming back as a pillbug.
You don’t owe me a book. I *do* need to get ‘Agent to the Stars’, so if you’re feeling generous…. ;)
I love ‘Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded’, btw. I’ve read portions to my sweetie, who thinks you must be the most prolific writer in existence, since I acquired 3 of your books in quick succession, starting w/’Zoe’s Tale’. (i recommended Zoe to a friend who’s son just started reading the Heinlein juveniles – it’s now on his list to read)
OH – and as long as you’re taking requests, I really miss your bad reviews here on the Whatever. I always wonder what universe these reviewers are from that they can’t find anything to like in any of your books.
I second your idea of : “Had a thought! You ought to throw a contest on top of this one. “Most Outrageous Story for Why I Owe You a Book When Really I Don’t.”
It would be amusing and we might get books sent to us by next xmas ;)
BeVibe, he’s got a smashing “introduce him to the missus” quality. I handed my SO my copy of OMW on a flight to Egypt. After a week’s holiday she’d chewed through Ghost Brigades and TLC as well.
Ah, it was a peaceful break, that one… *grin*
We could compare notes on the condition of being disorganized, but chances are, we won’t find them.
Karma schmarma.. AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee (said while falling down a manhole)
You owe me nothing, but can I hit you up for writing 15 more great SciFi novels in the next three years? Help a brother out.
Thanks dude, you are the best! 8)
Just to be clear, you don’t owe me a book, or anything else.
Hope that helped.
I lost my list of people who owe me books. Please send me an email if you think you owe me a book.
BeVibe said: I really miss your bad reviews here on the Whatever. I always wonder what universe these reviewers are from that they can’t find anything to like in any of your books.
They were actually quite local. :D
Uhh, I’m still a loser geek but that wasn’t supposed to be in the name field this time. o.O
I was briefly tempted, I freely admit, to abuse your position of momentary humiliation or disorganization to my own advantage and score a free signed copy of Agent to the Stars, but that would be dishonest…and I would get caught, anyway. I’m ballsy, sure, but I don’t actually want John Scalzi mad at/disappointed with me and my inevitably failed attempt to appropriate your stuff.
I hope you will feel honored, though, that you are so far the first author that I’ve been sufficiently tempted, even for a second, to lie my butt off to try and score a copy of their book. I’m just going to get myself a copy from Jay and Mary’s, and probably score all the OMW series for my little sister, while I’m at it.
Or maybe she can have my old ones, and I’ll get signed copies for ME.
So YOU’RE the one Dennis Leary was writing about. I knew it couldn’t be me.
I’m on that list. Not for a book, mind you, but for ELEVENTY BEEEELLION DOLLARS!!!