Why You Totally Want to Come to Loscon Next Week
So you can catch the live show of this:
Me, to Wil Wheaton, via IM: Confirming: We’re going to see you next week at Loscon?
Wil Wheaton: I haven’t been able to get anyone on the horn in an official capacity, but I’m still planning on crashing it, if nothing else. Do you have an e-mail address of someone I can pester?
Me: Yeah, I do. Hold on — (sends e-mail address) — That’s the head of programming. Tell him that if he doesn’t find something for us to be on, I will throw the hissy-est fit imaginable.
Wil: Of all the fits you can throw, the hissy is the most terrifying. That should get results.
Me: Oh, it WILL. They will live in fear of me.
Wil: Well, clearly they are wise, and have good survival instincts.
Me: I just want to burnish my credentials as an insufferable prima donna, you know?
Wil: Dude. Come spend some time with me. Learn at the feet of a master.
Me: “Fix me pot pie!”
Wil: Good, but try: “Are you fucking kidding me? Where’s my pot pie?”
“I came all the way here, and you can’t even make a fucking pot pie?”
Then you sort of shake your head, like you’re really disappointed.
Me: Actually, the line I will be using is “Are you fucking kidding me? Where’s my Double-Double?” Because I had as an actual condition of my attendance that I would have an In-N-Out caddy to keep me supplied with Double-Doubles.
Wil: You have to be prepared to throw whatever they bring you into the face of a hapless volunteer.
Can you do that?
ARE YOU READY FOR THAT?
Because it can make you legendary. You just have to be willing to go all the way.
Me: “What the fuck is THIS? I wanted it ANIMAL STYLE!!!! You fucking DWEEB.”
Wil: Yeah, then you open it up, and rub it in his face: “I’m sorry, maybe YOU can find the pickles in this for me.”
Me: And then stuff the remains down his pants. And give him a meat wedgie.
And thus I SHALL LIVE FOREVER.
Me: Excellent. So, wanna be my In-N-Out caddie?
Wil: How does that compare to: a) lackey and b) flunky ?
Me: They don’t get animal style face smearings.
Anyway, scratch that. You can be in my entourage.
Wil: OMG ENTOURAGE
That’s where I get to follow you around, and act like I’m really important just because I’m following you around!
Me: It’s like you’re rolling natural 20s, because I’m rolling natural 20s.
Wil: I’m an NPC!
Me: Really, is there anything better?
Wil: I’ll finally multiclass, and take some ranks in Insufferable Bastard
Me: You’re your own Expansion Pack, Wil. Live that dream.
Wil: I’m doing it, John. I’m really doing it.