Away For Most of The Day

Try to find a way to carry on. I know it will be hard. But I believe in you.

53 Comments on “Away For Most of The Day”

  1. Nathan, I’ve been trying for literally minutes and I do not appear to be able to cut myself on an AAA battery. I feel somehow… unmanly.

  2. The cat’s away, the mice read books. I’m in the middle of <The Android’s Dream and I alternate between giggling like crazy and scratching my head thinking “wait, this author is really crazy…”

  3. Alas, I’m at work today and won’t be able to work on “Ghost Brigades”.

    Guess it will have to wait for airport hell tomorrow. At least it should keep me amused whilest I travel.

  4. Nathan, I’ve been trying to cut myself with Weebles all weekend. Now that I’m back at work I can juggle razor blades.

    I say we have a party while he’s gone. Anybody got a key to the liquor cabinet?

  5. Please, please tell us that the grievous wound you suffered has not gone gangerenous and caused you to be transported to the ER!

  6. Jeff @7

    Loved that clip.

    John will be back, and we will be able to read his words very soon now. Just think back to when we would have to wait for those word to be printed on paper. Paper. I may even have some of those “words on paper” around here somewhere…

  7. Okay, we need an armed party organized to go over to John’s and find this dangerous pack of killer yogurt containers. Because clearly John isn’t man enough to do “what needs to be done”.

    Anybody got a good handle of what sort of load you use for hunting killer yogurt containers? I was thinking 12 gauge deer slugs, myself. Or buckshot. Why take chances?

    And does anyone know if Ohio is one of those pansy states which requires a permit for hunting killer yogurt containers?

    Dr. Phil

  8. Dr.Phil @14

    “I say, nukem from space, it’s the only way to be sure.”

    BTW, last time this happened I think Christian had the key to the liquor cabinet and I brought snacks.

    I can still bring snacks 8D

  9. I think I will spend the day making blogs that mention Scalzi.

    That will draw him out, then all I need to do is throw this net over him and force him to blog all day!

  10. You leave without even a picture of a sunset or a cat (or a sun setting on a cat) to tide us over? Cruel, John. Cruel.

  11. eviljwinter, you mean he’s been…DESSERTED?

    I say it’s time for a

    FOOD FIGHT!!!!

    *splorches eviljwinter in the face with a huge blob of raspberry ganache*

  12. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang

    WHY JOHNNY WHY?!?!

  13. Dr. Phil, it’s not the yogurt containers that are killers – it’s the yogurt itself! I say we should go in armed with high-powered vacuum cleaners.

  14. Tried spoons, toilet rolls, clocks, tables, my stuffed Cthulhu, a towel… no cuts. Not even chafing. *sighs*

    Oh, food fight! *deploys a medium-range submunition Momo strike with extra tomato chutney*

  15. Dr Phil–
    I lived in Wisconsin several years ago. And yeah,they did have some license restrictions on hunting.

    My suggestion is a retaliatory air strike. Several tons of cheese curd should do.

  16. I’m just wishing I could be there when John comes home and finds his fridge all shot up. Door hanging off, riddled with holes from the AP rounds and deer slugs, yogurt leaking all over the floor, and a note attached: “You’re welcome! -Your Faithful Whatever Readers”

  17. Mensley: It’s the aircraft carrier that’s been pumped full of custard and pilchards buried nose-first up to the superstructure in the south 40 that’ll draw comment, you betcha. Or, we may be talking about different things. Who can tell?

  18. Logic:

    John is a cat
    We are mice
    John is away
    We need to do something.
    How about ask the government for some money?
    Claim we are Mutant Mice.
    The government has 3 million to spend on mutant mice.
    They don’t specify the mutations.
    (ROUSes? Extra limbs? Maybe they can travel in time? Or are really good at taping bacon to a cat.)

    http://tinyurl.com/6jlpwk

  19. Anyone a good hacker? I could come up with different flavour yogurt-blob models for Left4Dead while he’s away if someone who knows their way around a firewall can get ’em into this Steamapps folder…

  20. Steve — I thought about rock salt loads, but who’d ever eat chocolate lowfat yogurt that’s been salted? Remember, a good hunter eats what he kills. Unless we want to classify killer yogurt containers as varmints. Then all bets are off.

    Dave — I almost pointed out that in Wisconsin you can’t hunt cows, so I assumed Brown Cow yogurt wasn’t legal either. But we’re talking Ohio here.

    Dr. Phil

  21. I just cut my finger packing up a power supply to ship out.
    But since I work at a Seattle Childrens Hospital, I got to put Daffy Duck bandaids on it.

    So I get to join our host bleeding from the digits and have Daffy duck Bandaids.

    I’m so lucky 8D

    Pam,
    candy corn caltrops are against the Geneva Convention. have YOU ever stepped on one? It’s like leftover taquito punji sticks…

  22. Transdutch@36

    Clearly our mutation is intelligence- we’re on Whatever. (I realize that this argument could be reversed, but hey, we’re mice!)

  23. Sub-Odeon – I'm a full-time nerd for a large medical care organization, and a part-time Soldier for the United States Army Reserve. I am into science fiction, military history, Utah Jazz NBA basketball, and busty women.
    Sub-Odeon

    (raises arm to defend self from the swinging fish of doom, finds self whallopped into the river…)

  24. Glanced at the headline and had an OMFG moment, what does he know about the economy… then a nice whew, can wait til the morrow for bacon-cat updates.

  25. Has anyone ever considered John Perry as Orpheus, travelling the Styx of the CDF’s wars to rescue his love from the Underworld of the Ghost Brigades?

    No?

    Fair enough.

    *splats a trifle into Xopher’s face*

  26. Anybody got a key to the liquor cabinet?

    I did, but I cut myself on it.

    So, I was speaking to the spouse about how our new infant was becoming a bit of an e-mail celebrity, and perhaps this was our chance to achieve brief internet fame, and she told me, “You’re not putting bacon on the baby.”

    Sniff. I’m so proud. Largely uninterested in the internet, yet so aware of all its traditions.

  27. Dr Phil: On reflection, it did sound odd. I was trying to point out the upper midwest almost uniformly has license laws for hunting. And such laws. I almost hurt myself laughing the first time I saw a shotgun with a scope. The gun shop owner kindly informed me that rifles were illegal for deer hunting as the world is flat and stray bullets seldom land in the county they were fired from.

    As far as yogurt is concerned, I believe it is not a native animal and therefore is probably considered an invasive pest by most state Departments of Fish and Game.

  28. *licks up trifle, pulls string attached to giant fondant funnel, burying MarkHB in cherry-cordial fondant*

  29. *proffers Xopher one triumphant glance over a curved surface labelled “FONDANT TOWARDS ENEMY” before it all goes lateral*

  30. Sub-Odeon – I'm a full-time nerd for a large medical care organization, and a part-time Soldier for the United States Army Reserve. I am into science fiction, military history, Utah Jazz NBA basketball, and busty women.
    Sub-Odeon

    Xopher @ #42,

    Frankly, sir, I am shocked — shocked! — that you would have so little regard for the environment. The EPA shall here of this! You haven’t seen the last of — (glub, glub, glub, glub, glub…)

    (with head sliding under the gravy-like surface, only fist remains defiantly projected into the air)

  31. Sub-Odeon – I'm a full-time nerd for a large medical care organization, and a part-time Soldier for the United States Army Reserve. I am into science fiction, military history, Utah Jazz NBA basketball, and busty women.
    Sub-Odeon

    Yarghhh…

    here = hear

  32. Sub-Odeon – I'm a full-time nerd for a large medical care organization, and a part-time Soldier for the United States Army Reserve. I am into science fiction, military history, Utah Jazz NBA basketball, and busty women.
    Sub-Odeon

    (insert cartoon image of Xopher’s ghost stumbling into the “Tour of Hell” scene from South Park)

  33. *comes back as ghost with stone body, drags Sub-Odeon down into hell, singing

    Subbodianni, a cenar teco
    M’invitasti e son venuto!

    while Sub-Odeon’s wife exclaims in horror*

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