A Rasher Too Far

I am famously associated with bacon; that said, even I wouldn’t attempt this. But I suppose if he survives he’ll have something to tell the grandkids one day. Also, something to tell his heart surgeon.

43 Comments on “A Rasher Too Far”

  1. I’m waiting for the nutritional and medical studies comparing the effects of a month-long bacon-only diet with the better-publicized month-long McDonald’s diet. I have to admit, I’m morbidly curious as to which is more deleterious…

  2. He is going to have a mind-blowing conversion to anti-baconism and repent his gluttonous ways, you mark my words. Shortly after that he will die of bacon overdose.

  3. >_<

    I like bacon as much as the next guy, but that’s messed up.

    It makes me think of my father, who, after his divorce, had bacon every morning and saved the grease, and used it in all his other cooking. Everything he made was wonderful.

    He’s had a quadruple bypass, a partially completed angioplasty that was halted because his heart was too weak, he retains water like a mofo because of his hypertension, and he’s always suffering from pneumonia-like symptoms from his congestive heart failure. :(

    (Sorry for being a killjoy. Seriously, I do like bacon. Cooked some up yesterday, in fact. But this kind of excess for shits and giggles . . . ugh.)

  4. I hope he doesn’t have any flatmates.

    If he does, I hope he doesn’t share a washroom with them.

    Or a kitchen.

    I realize that being a vegetarian makes me more sensitive than most to the foul smells associated with cooking fat, but seriously, eew. (and no, I don’t mean “eww, murder! I’m telling PETA.” I mean “Eww, that smell makes me want to chuck up my lunch. How on earth could anyone find that appetizing?” Bacon=tasty. Bacon fat=absolutely foul in every conceivable way).

  5. Sounds like an extreme form of the start of the Atkins Diet.

    The referenced page has many examples of why this project is *not* doomed to failure.

  6. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me
    Chang in Chang in Chang in Chang

    Morgan Spurlock is getting a migraine now for reasons he doesn’t understand.

  7. Unless he is one of the approximately 5% of hypertension patients who is actually sodium sensitive, the worst he is likely to suffer from this experiment is early symptoms of scurvy. Bacon has a completely undeserved bad rap.

  8. It can’t be that bad. Pigs seem ok and they’re made of the stuff.

    I could be tempted to live on a diet of Spanish jamón ibérico de bellota but, sadly, at AU$350 kg in Oz I will have to survive on the 100 or so grams a week we can afford.

  9. Part of the joy of bacon is coming back to it after a time of not-bacon. The light is brightest in contrast with the darkness.

    Bacon is best when you get really fuckin’ good bacon, the hand crafted hardwood smoked stuff, on a burger of grass-fed organic beef, or in a BLT with market fresh produce on butter-seared sourdough.

    Bacon is too wonderful to be trivial. Make your bacon count.

  10. It’s rather ironic that in Canada, February is Heart and Stroke Month. This guy could be their “What Not To Do” poster boy!

  11. ytimynona – FLORIDA – I'm a big wannabe. Wannabe a truck driver, PotUS, scientist, writer, and teacher. Well, I already am a teacher. :-)
    ytimynona

    Mmmm. I think I could survive that. Breakfast and lunch would be rather richer than I’m used to (cereal and PB&J), but dinner would be very similar! And either way, it’s only 4 weeks, and I <3 bacon!

  12. It’s one of those things that’s much more interesting to read about than actually do, I suspect.

    (The Maasai do in fact rely on their cattle, but they don’t eat “nothing but” their cattle.)

  13. My love of bacon rivals yours, John, and I can’t even picture attempting what Mike’s doing.

    Not least because bacon is more than something one eats by itself. One should appreciate its presence around a scallop, next to waffles, on a burger, and in a quiche.

    There’s also the health implications. I’m assuming Mike has to be joking; trying this seriously would turn him into a Darwin Award candidate real fast.

  14. Coming soon to RiffTrax!

    28 DAYS LATER II: MIKE NELSON HAS BYPASS SURGERY!

    (from the people who brought you SUPERSIZE ME, because the producers are just sadistic like that.)

  15. Physically, I think he’d be fine aside from a little malnutrition and losing a lot of weight. I don’t think it would be as bad as an old Big Mac diet.

    Mentally, I see him getting really sick of bacon pretty quickly. I don’t care what kind of food you eat, if it’s all you eat then you’ll get tired of it. He might have to spend the rest of the month in a drunken stupor to get through it.

  16. This is rather disgusting. And most disappointing, because it may kill a man who is very, very funny.

    On the upside, he gets to eat tasty food.

    I guess it all balances out.

  17. After reading his post yesterday where he visits one of his favorite bacon stores, I think there will be enough variety in the bacon he eats to keep him from getting too bored with it as the only solid he eats for a month. The fact that he is allowing himself to keep beer on the menu of consumables proves he is not too crazy here!

    Go Mike!

  18. He’s… um… he’s going to be in digestive distress. This is my prediction.

    Also, I feel like a lot of us are assuming that he’s going to be eating like 9000 calories per day. Not necessarily. Let’s say he limits himself to 2400 or below. Sure a lot more calories than usual will be from fat instead of carbohydrates, but I don’t think he’s going to kill himself.

    What he might do, considering the calorie-density of bacon, is find himself hungry an awful lot because he’s used to getting more volume out of his daily food intake.

  19. I have a recipe for a ovely bacon blue cheese dip I can suggest if he’d like a little variety and a chance to really clog the rest of the arterial spaces with cheese, cream and cream cheese…

  20. Oh, Mike went to Tip Top Meats in Carlsbad! That is a place full of wonder. Amazing food, and while you eat in the restaurant a little old man with an accordion serenades you. mmmmmmbacon

  21. Digestive distress would probably be my primary concern, yes… that and getting really sick of bacon.

  22. Hmmm . . . Can you say “acid ketosis”? One month of protein and fat but no carbs will give Mike the worst halatosis this side of a vulture. Also, long before the ateries petrify, he’ll be in need of a kidney transplant.

    Good luck.

  23. Bacon! Bacon! So wonderous sweet!
    Its the tastiest of all pig meat!
    I’d like to state before I die,
    That I’ve tasted every pig in the sty!

  24. Lysana – Awfully eclectic for a Celtic Reconstructionist. Or is that the other way around? I've been around the blogosphere before, but I'm reverting to a pseudonym to keep the family peace. Said pseud is my Second Life name. I might still blog that now and again, too. Just because.
    lysana

    GeorgeS, I can say “ketoacidosis” better than you, and I also know that isn’t what he’s courting. Benign dietary ketosis? You bet your keister. Lipolysis might be the better term in this case. The body burns fat for fuel in the absence of carbs, with the brain’s glucose needs getting met by the liver kicking its gluconeogenesis capacity into higher gear (translation: making glucose from protein). The partially burned fat cells turn ketone sticks pretty colors. That doesn’t mean he’s going to end up with damaged kidneys. But the worst he’s facing? Halitosis and some interesting times in the bathroom. Oh, and dropping at least 10 pounds alongside a few days of carb withdrawal that might be ameliorated by the beer.

  25. Lysana @41: Given that Mike intends to enjoy beer in addition to his bacon(s), is he even likely to reach benign dietary ketosis? Of a handful of people I’ve observed following the way of Atkins, most seemed to need to reduce carbo intake to nearly zero for the first week or so; none who could not stay off beer for that long ever had much success, even when limited to 8oz/day.

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