Posted on March 19, 2009 Posted by John Scalzi 20 Comments
As you all know, I’m the guest of honor at this year’s Millennicon science fiction convention, in Cincinnati. This weekend! Where where I be and how will I be embarrassing myself while I am there? Here’s my official schedule (via the handy-dandy online pocket program):
Friday, 7pm: Opening Ceremonies. Your chance to pledge eternal fidelity! Or, well, fidelity for the following 48 hours or so. And maybe fidelity is too strong a word. It’s okay if you want to see other authors. We can have an open relationship that way. Because, you know, I’m going to be seeing other fans. I kinda have to.
Friday, 8pm: GoH Reception. Let’s make awkward, halting conversation together! Do you like cheese? I like cheese. It’s, like, cheesy. Um, okay. I understand if you have to go talk to some other people now.
Friday, 9pm: GoH Q&A. You have questions. I have answers. Let’s see if we can get them to match up.
Friday, 10pm: 9pm Cookie Party. No, I don’t know why it’s called the “9pm Cookie Party” when it takes place at 10pm. I’m just going by what they tell me in the pocket program. Also, the cookies will actually be cake. I just made that last part up. Either way, come watch me get fatter as I shove cookies and/or cake down my piehole.
Saturday, 11am: Autographing. Come get everything you want autographed autographed. By me, even.
Saturday, 2pm: Autographing. Everyone who wanted to get something autographed will have done it at the 11am autographing session. I will be sitting at this session, alone, contemplating my mortality.
Saturday, 7pm: Mixed Marriages. It’s true I’m in a mixed marriage, as my wife is HAWT, and I am distinctly of the non-hawt species. She loves me anyway. However, the “mixed marriage” in this case is the one where one of the partners is a science fiction geekwad, and the other is not. How do you make it work between a geek and a non-geek? The answer: Puppets! But I figure we’ll stretch out the answer a bit more than that, because we have an hour to fill.
Sunday, 11am: Build Your Own World. All you need is some modeling clay, some glitter, and a DNA sequencer. I’ll be bringing two out of three to the panel. Which two? You may be surprised.
Sunday, 2pm: Closing Ceremonies. Thank you so much for coming. Now leave.
When I’m not doing these things, I will be, in no particular order, hanging out in the lobby, going to a panel here and there, eating food, despairing over the inevitable heat death of the universe and my part in increasing its overall entropy, and maybe karaoke. Seriously, they have karaoke. Dude, it’s Saturday night, starts at 11, goes to 2, and I’m going to go in there and sing all I want because I’m the Guest of Honor, and who’s gonna stop me, right? So get ready for six different and increasingly maudlin versions of “Purple Rain.” It’s gonna be magic.
See you there.
I normally abhore karaoke with the passion of a thousand suns… or something… but I may have to be there for this one.
Am thanking the Gods that it’s too late for my sons to be there. Don’t Fear the Reaper as sung by the Truck Gene Boys is a scary sound indeed.
See you tomorrow!
Your third sentence contains two “where”. I think one of them should be “will”.
At the GOH Q&A I think you should provide the answers and we guess what the questions were –Jeopardy style. Or not.
At the 2 pm Autographing: If you have chocolate, they will come and you won’t be alone. Unless you want to be alone. Actually, you may have at least me asking for autograph’s because I was thinking of catching an early lunch at 11 am with local friends at a place that is very popular and therefore gets crowded. But you probably don’t care about my schedule.
“Sunday, 11am: Build Your Own World. All you need is some modeling clay, some glitter, and a DNA sequencer. I’ll be bringing two out of three to the panel. Which two? You may be surprised.”
What no Genesis device?
@1 Deborah GAAHHH I thought I was first commentor! LOL!
re: Karaoke It’s actually pretty fun when most of the people can carry a tune and aren’t embarrassingly drunk.
Baby, if you ever wonder. Wonder, what ever became of me…
Actually, I’m thinking everyone will come to the 2pm autographing session so’s to not leave you alone with your thoughts, which means no one will come to the 11am. By 11:15 secret fears will worm into your brain that no one will come to the 2pm session either, for your career is plummeting to Earth like a chicken with a bowling ball strapped to it falling out of a 747 over the island Jack, Kate, Gilligan, and the rest ended up on.
Or something like that.
This is why I will bring hand puppets to amuse myself.
Omg – I was gonna go to LunaCon, but if there is karaoke, I might just see if I can hop a flight.
Scalzi singing karoke? I am gonna miss out on a whole heck of a lot of fun, it sounds. :( Ah well, assuming you don’t degenerate into a cackling madman before I graduate college (and subsequently have the wherewithall to travel to these events) you’ll likely get invited to another one.
JS@6: This is why I will bring hand puppets to amuse myself.
Dude, I’d heard you liked to amuse yourself in public, but I never knew you actually planned for it… ;-)
Hmm 1700 miles between me and all that.. umm ummm…. ummm.. whatever.
Not sure if that is enough distance! Kareoke? Purple Rain? Is 1700 miles far enough?
Gosh I hope so. I really hope so.
Oh my… too bad I can’t get there. I just love glitter and modeling clay.
I’m lobbying the Obama administration to include karaoke on the list of torture practices that they’ve banned. I was recently subjected to this torture at a Japanese restaurant/sushi bar/karaoke bar in Columbus. During an attempt at Ray Stevens’s The Streak, one friend at my table remarked that Ray Stevens was turning over in his grave — and he isn’t even dead yet. I said the same about Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls, which was performed by a woman who made Yoko Ono sound like Julie Andrews by comparison.
And I think even you, John, would have rushed the stage with a pitchfork at the spectacle of a drunken chorus in an extraordinary rendition of Don’t Stop Believin’.
But I will no doubt be watching, with a mix of horror and fascination, as you entertain us with Purple Rain. Knowing as I do that you don’t drink, I’ll be curious to see if you can pull it off. I am hopeful that being sober, you’ll be able to stay at least somewhat on key. ;)
Re: 9PM Cookies.
Cookies do not believe in Daylight Savings Time.
Pie-hole should be reserved for pie only.
Cookies should be eaten with your cookie-hole.
In re “Build Your Own World” panel:
So you did read that post I sent about cool Christmas gifts!
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I think the “Mixed Marriages” thing sounds like it will be hilarious. Hilarious and AWESOME.
StainRain” is okay….just please don’t do “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”
Is there any truth to the rumor that you have a squad of dedicated runners to supply you with Steak and Shake double cheeseburgers during the con? :)
(That is my own personal surrogate for In-N-Out when I’m in the midwest).
I prefer Culver’s, myself. So, no.
Dude, there’s $50 in it if you do “Madagascar” and have someone YouTube it for me. Srsly.
Oh, yes, much fun will be had!